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Time: Sat, 12 Aug 2000 23:58:25 GMT
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You know something, i think i've been writing these daylogs up on the wrong day. I just kinda hit the home node and click whatever daylog is there. Oh well.

Today i went grocery shopping with my mother. Now, this may not sound like much to the average person out there, however, this was a major ordeal. We never buy food. Any food we happen to have is purely from me riding my bike to the store and getting what i need. So, i was either going to wait 2 hours or so for my mom to go food shopping by herself, and then go to my girlfriend's house, or, i coulg go with her, get more food, and be out of there in 30 minutes flat.

We now have pepsi. We have not had pepsi for a week.

Went to my girlfriends house, we were going to ride to the village and hang out, but it was a too bloody hot out. So we hung out at her house all afternoon, and i got picked up by mom later. (Oh, i left my bicycle there last night because i didn't feel like riding home @ 7, over getting a ride home at 10) We didn't do much, talked, wandered around, watched the news, ate pizza. The pizza gave us both splitting headaches.

Now i'm home.

That morning:

I don't want to lose this feeling. I know it's going to go away sooner or later, regardless of what, or if, he says. But it's so nice while it's here. This fuzzy warm tingling, that starts in my gut and moves across the ley lines of my body. I have no medium capable of recording it's complex simplicity. But I need to record it somehow. I want something to spark that internal memory of it when it's gone away. So, I write, I node.

Is there even a word for it, one that describes the sensation we all feel in the initial stages of a romantic, or, in my case, potentially romantic relationship. Do you even need the other person to reciprocate your feelings for a relationship to be romantic? Certainly it would never last, but aren't these emotions and sensations I'm feeling romantic in nature? The rush you get when you find their scent on your clothes, the tsense of loss when they leave the room?

So, I write, I node. To remember this feeling, and maybe, reach out to him in a way he can handle onhis own terms.

---

That afternoon:

So, much stuff, so little time. I spend the afternoon doing random shopping with herbman, the whole time being impressed by the openness, warmth, and intelligence, of that boy.

---

That evening:

Apparently I have some issues about drunk people that I didn't really realize were so bad. It's been a while since I've been confronted with the issue, and I've changed so much recently that it affects me much more than it used to. Even when it's my best friend I still get really uncomfortable and just want to get as far away from the person as possible, to completely seperate myself fun them until they return to normal. Tonight someone I care about got a bit plastered and was acting pretty silly online, I'm sure in real life she was much more off the wall. And, I couldn't talk to her.

I don't like avoiding my friends. I don't like feeling uncomfortable around them. And I wonder, why does she keep doing this to herself? Why aren't any of her RL friends trying to stop her from drowning her sorrows in a bottle?

I have seen first hand where alcoholism can go. When I was two my dad got me drunk and had me barfing all over the floor. My mother left him then, he was drinking something like a gallon of expensive vodka every weekend. When I stayed with him for a summer, in my teen years, I got to see how bad it was first hand. He wasn't mean or anything, in fact, he kept telling me how much he loved me, but I was disgusted. I hated to be in that room with him. Eventually he got permanently sober, but I have no idea how his girlfriend stayed with him for 9 years...

Maybe that's part of why I can't stand it. Mostly, I think I can't deal with it because it means I have to watch a person avoiding their problems. I have to watch my friends hurting themselves and their loved ones. I don't mind if you drink. I'll even join you sometimes, but I care about you and I can't stand by and watch you do this to yourself. Come back to me later and I will be your friend, but, I can't get you undrunk, and only you can make you stop.

I miss the you I can talk to. I miss the you who makes me smile. I miss the you I can help. And, I know that this is you too. You're not a pod people and you've only got the one of you in your head. So this is you too, you have your reasons for doing it, and to be your friend I need to accept that part of you, but I don't have to like it, and I don't have to sit around and pretend it's ok with me.

Hm, gee, this day log entry is at a steady -1, so maybe I should actually include pretty much everything I did today, no matter how uninteresting it should be to most of the world, instead of a cellphone/day log rant combo.

WORK: Someone with poor hygeine habits sits at my desk when I'm not here. They get talc and dandruff on my chair (I have a new chair), smear their fingerprints on the screen, and apparently dip the phone receiver into a fry vat every day so I can clean it every night when I come in.

I missed one day this week beyond my days off owing to my wisdom tooth extraction. I confess that I enjoyed the three codeine pills that I took over three days.

I learned my way around the Visual UpTime tool. Up until now, I had been using a different, similar tool. But now I'm keepin' it real with Visual UpTime. Or something...

The whole going-back-to-school thing may or may not happen this fall, so it's status quo at work until the last second.

I have been listening to that Halcyon song from Orbital for the last three hours straight.

HOME: The curtains don't match in the bedroom, so I have to go back to Pottery Barn and beat them about the head and shoulders until they appease me with two friggin' curtain panels of a matching hue. They are heavy velvet jobs that would block the light well if the rods, being curved, didn't fuck it up.

FAMILY: I sent my grandmother books for her birthday this year. They were all crime noir paperbacks, including two Ellroys (note: paperback books are normally not a good gift, but she has arthritis and has to have them torn apart anyway. If a person isn't suffering like that, get them hardcovers).

Mom is doing well, and will be going to the Dominican Republic in October to play golf. My father is still dead, and I'm still a wreck. Inadvertently seeing his handwriting makes me cry. He had beautiful handwriting, too. My uncle Dave, whom you might remember from that datagirl write-up I did, is still working at the gas company and must spend this weekend with his wife's entire family (her four siblings, etc.). Some people think it's a good idea to have five children. And hell, it probably is (you can put them all to work!), but I'm an only child. What the hell do I know. I certainly don't want five children. My dad was the eldest of eight, and for me that meant no shortage of Italian food growing up as well as lots of Johnny Carson shows and grim warnings about the dangers of tractors.

MY JAW: A co-worker says that part of it looks bruised. I didn't even notice.

COFFEE INTAKE: It seems like a lot, but I keep warming it up.

prev daylog next daylog

I could have called this node Do the right thing, or You have to pay for your mistakes, or any myriad other names, but hey, it's my life. Just a day in the life.

I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks back. I'm not even sure exactly why. When we broke up, I was feeling really grubby, and so I went to a friend to cheer up a bit. Now this friend is a friend's friend, so she's not very close, but that's what I needed, I guess. She also happens to have a pierced tongue. We were talking, and inevitably, I told her I had never kissed a girl with a pierced tongue before, and inevitably, we kissed. Now to all of you who have never done it (kissed someone with a pierced tongue), the fact that I say that it's no big deal won't make any difference, you're still going to want to see for yourselves (feel for yourselves), so I won't say anything.

The problem is, she's a totally wild kisser, and she bit my lip so hard that I bled. Unfortunately, I was not the first person she kissed, or had sex with for that matter, so that I can't be totally sure of what diseases may have passed from her mouth to mine. Since she has a pierced tongue, I can assume there's a higher chance of mouth wounds, and I was bleeding, so I could theoretically have acquired AIDS.

I had a million reasons not to go back to my girlfriend, and one reason to go back: I love her. So I did. And, because I love her, I had to tell her about this 'mishap'.

She's still forgiving me, but now we have to have protected sex for the next 3 months at least, until I get tested. We also have to work on trust again.

Usually I judge my decisions by looking back and asking myself "Was it worth it?". I don't remeber ever being so adamantly sure the answer is NO.

---

P.S. I've been asked several times why I assume a pierced tongue would mean mouth wounds. Well, two reasons:
1) If it just got pulled hard enough, it pulls on the tongue tissue, from the inside, which is quite sensitive. I know: I have a nipple ring, and if it gets pulled hard enough (ouch...), it opens up a small wound.
2) The tip of the rod in her tongue has a little diamond (probably fake) in it. I'm sure this could scrape her palate, and open a tiny gash.

This morning we went to the bookshop. Mmmm...book porn.

All around me are beautiful books. I'm running my fingers through their pages, stroking their shiny covers. So many to choose from, I ache for them.

Hehe. I found a really great book Jumping the green by Leslie Schwartz. I started reading it in the coffee place, while I was sipping my decaf mocha. Sometimes you pick up a book and the voice is so lyrical, so certain, so true. You are transported into their world, oblivious to events around you and the passage of time. Go Leslie go!

Later on we went to the artshop. Mmmm...art porn. Acrylics, watercolours, oil paints. Thousands of different brushes, notebooks with really thick paper. Uhhh!

Now I feel a little queasy, I think I better lie down.

This afternoon I mowed the lawn. Big mistake. I feel totally exhausted. I don't have much energy for anything else now, but I have read a little more of the wonderful Jumping the green. I also listened to Patsy Cline. As usual, I was struck by how unearthly her voice sounds.

---

Yesterday, Next day log

Yesterday | Dizzy->Day_Logs() | Tomorrow

---

Being ill Sucks.

I'm supposed to be at a barbecue today, but my ears are hurting like hell. I'm thankful that Sainsbury's was open all last night; I had to buy some painkillers because my ears were so painful I kept crying out.

I've just read about the hundreds of people expected at a memorial service for the young girl abducted and killed in the south of england. It's very politically incorrect to say this, but why is everyone mourning this one little girl? How many children are killed by paedophiles compared to those killed by cars?

Why don't we have mass petitions for the banning of cars? It seems that anything else that kills children is quickly banned - guns were banned in the UK after the Dunblane school killings. Yet more children are killed each year through being run over by cars...

It seems that we are more hypocritical than I thought...

Disclaimer: I hate cars.

Later...

Just got back from the barbecue/party I didn't want to go to. I was in pain, but I thought "fuck it".

I spent most of the evening sticking close to a particular girl, drinking cocktails with excessive amounts of alcohol in them.

The party was being hosted by an ex-colleague from a different department to mine. It's striking; the different attitude this department's managers have to their staff. I simply couldn't picture my Project Leader playing carmegeddon with me - All the management of this department play with their staff. During the evening, a water pistol was used to shoot the senior manager of this department - he laughed and retaliated. I couldn't imagine any of my managers doing the same...

Thankfully I drank twice as much water as alcohol, so I'm quite sober and shouldn't get a hangover tomorrow.

18:42 EET

Today I had the worst migraine I've experienced in ages. Thankfully it passed with enough rest. My migraines aren't of the worst kind - no puking or passing out involved - but they're still far from being enjoyable. In the last year they have been even milder than before. Could it be a permanent change? I sure hope so.

Card is arriving at 21 o'clock and plans to leave at 8 next morning. So we prob'ly won't have much of a party because of basic human need for sleep. Oh well, like there was anything to do in Hämeenlinna anyway. :)

A friend complemented the preview version of a piripolkka track I'm producing for an another person. Too bad this really means squat, because most of the people don't have the heart to say "boy, does the stuff you make suck or what?" to a friend. Then again, I produce stuff for myself instead of others, and I'm the only one who needs to be happy about it.
But come to think of it, I have never felt proud about any of my own music in the 7 years I have been creating noise.. Blah, what ever.

Backuping my whole E2 work turned out to be a bit longer process than I first expected. I wish I had thought of it when I started, so doing it in realtime would've been possible. How about a new E2 tip of the day: Backup your work! There's no telling when a trigger happy editor decides to destroy your work without a reason!

Nodekeeping
Finland Metanode

Slept in late today, a novelty for me, and got to eat a
leisurely breakfast with my family. I've enjoyed reading
some of ZamZ's nodes, I like his poetry in particular.

It looks like another 100 degree day here, and
fortunately I won't be in soil pits describing soils,
which is what I do for a living.

Today we will drive to Little Rock, AR and do some
shopping for school for the boys and visit a
book store or two. A nice slow Saturday with no responsiblities to work or clients.

Tomorrow we will float the Caddo river for fun. It's a
great little trip to do with kids. The current is slow
and the distance is only about two miles, just
right to do on inner tubes and cool off.

Factgirl's fact of the day:

In the mountains of Kentucky, the descendants of a French immigrant named Martin Fulgate were known as The Blue People of Appalachia.

Due to excessive intermarriage, a recessive gene that blocked the production of the enzyme diaphorase was rampant.  Diaphorase breaks down methemoglobin in red blood cells. When methemoglobin remains in the blood, it makes cells appear blue, rather than the pink associated with Caucasians. There are no other health risks associated with this condition.

As the family dispersed after WW2, there was less and less inbreeding and as of today there is only one blue person left. 25 year old Ben Stacy.

-it's a fact!

sources: Robert J. Huskey's Human Biology 121
             The Handy Science Answer Book; Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh

Listening to music from the 1980s today. I am singing over it all, too and I know that my neighbours can hear me but that's okay. If they are disturbed by me, they can knock on my door and ask me to be quiet, but nobody has yet.

I woke up after 11 this morning, which rarely happens. I feel good about sleeping in like that (I usually get up at 6) but I wasted the morning away. Started some laundry and irritated my superintendent because I was using all of the machines and he wanted to do some too.

He went as far as to try to make me feel guilty for occupuying both washing machines at once. "I have a lot to do today. I need to get my day started. People are waiting for me and I can't be late." he said.

What a suck. "its happened to all of us." I replied "Isn't the laundry room first come, first served?"

"Um, yes."

"Well I guess you could always come back in 30 minutes when I am finished." I concluded.

He looked at me, gathered up his clothes and said "I'm glad we have a laundromat closeby. Don't have to wait for anyone to finish up there." and left.

And now, I'm waiting for my socks, towels and underwear to finish drying.

I want to go down to The Danforth this afternoon because its nearby and there is a street festival going on. I don't have anyone to go with but it will be fun to watch all of the gawking people who never cross the Bloor Viaduct and American Tourists in my neighbourhood at once.

I have nothing else to do. Its Saturday.

This week delivered some of the most interesting an emotional days of my life.

I am still trying to make sense of it all. My thoughts have fallen on the ground and I'm walking back to piece them together.

After talking with him the other day, I realized I didn't tell you some things I should have. I am flattered, grateful and honored by how you feel about me, and by your kindness and understanding. Maybe this was clear to you, I don't know.

"And London Smells of Roasting Flesh!"

I awoke this morning to the most unfamiliar of sights, a blue, cloudless sky and a large beautifully bright disc of sun!

Obviously such an occasion warranted me forgoing my usual Saturday morning/afternoon slumber to 'attack the day'.

I donned my shorts, dusted off my sunspecs and made my way, along with every other inhabitant of London (so it would seem) to my local park (in my case Clapham Common). I am assured that across the length and breadth of olde London Town that commons, heaths, parks and any other blade of grass that may exist in the capital was being flattened with millions of lillywhite torso's.

The sight as I approached the common resembled the inside of an anglers bait tin as literally thousands of white bodies competed for space in much the same way as the maggots in the tin vy for breathing room.

As usual us Brits generally sneer at the very idea of sunscreen and considering the British Summertime is grounded for bad behaviour up to this point, today was to be no exception.

As white turned to pink, I swear I could smell the flesh searing - and it smelled like pork!.

The people on the common who were lucky enough to not be in possesion of caucasian frames could only lie back, smug in the knowledge that they would not go home both resembling, and feeling like, a lobster in a pot of boiling water.

Still, things are looking promising for those of you who plan to attend the e2 picnic in London next weekend - provided of course that the 3rd degree burns induced by todays sunfest have subsided!

I've introduced a few people to e2. When I first found out about this place I thought it was the coolest thing. I still do. I went around telling everyone about it. Either they didn't understand or just weren't interested. Okay, so I went on and started noding things and decided to be really honest because I didn't know anyone here. So I was and now people I know are coming here and it makes me feel really self-conscious. I shouldn't, though, I know I shouldn't.

I'm a different person with different people. Only showing bits and pieces here and there that I think the person can relate with or that I feel comforting showing. I've never been completely all with anybody and I don't think it's possible. So what do you do when you're trying to be a certain way and there are countless people who might see it? I feel frozen and don't know what to do. I feel like nuking all my write ups but that would be bad for e2 and bad for myself.

Oh well.

Evening!

23:16

I hope this won't get too much attention. (But then again, it'd be foolish to expect otherwise... day logs are day logs)..

Speaking of masturbationary things, I had just about the most pleasurable pawing today. I took two ciders and toyed with a thingy and did some other sorts of pawing, all in wonderful small intoxicated state. No, I won't tell anything else. Reason being that I was too drunk to actively pay attention, I just enjoyed freely what I did. Spent good one and half hour. Highly recommended. =)

Apparently I was also so drunk afterwards that I a) put a message to an online dating page (a la "virgin bi guy wants to get some rod, anyone want to help?") and *gasp* replied to one lady's message. I doubt either will actually lead to anything because I think I sounded like an idiot (not going to change those messages, they were submitted with a pen name from behind a mail redirector), but nevertheless, it looks like I'm becoming a public danger for the nerd stereotype. =) Again one of the moves I don't think whether I should regret them or congratulate myself for...

Other stuff for today: Nokia 9110 Communicator refuses to interface with both of my old machine and the new one, too. Seriously uncool, considering I have two megabytes of crap stored on that thing and I need to get it backed up to the disk! Apparently 9110 was never meant to be used with full memory.

Well, again, neither are many other OSes - anyone ever witnessed Linux crashing due to lack of memory? I have. It barely could be shut down peacefully that time. In related news, I still haven't allocated an additional swap partition for Linux, I now have 128 megs of physical RAM and 130 megs of swap... Would I need more or is that enough?

Well, that's all I did today. In day I also saw Deep Space Nine episode (I'm not really much into Star Trek because it's often at times I easily forget...) and listened to The Men From The Ministry from radio. Had to pass Alivaltiosihteeri, though. Damn.

Oh, and regarding today's hot topic of speling: I'm the Master of Tyops. Only Ratserman can beta me! =)

---

Other day logs o' mine...

This is almost the end of a totally unplanned day. It in fact all started yesterday when at evening we decided with 3 people to go see an old friend and to go out with him for dinner. We had some good food in a Greek restaurant for our fem, and we had a good drink with also some other friends, and afterwards we decided that we were too drunk to go back by car to our hometown, so we slept at the friends house from 5am. (that's where my dream log: August 12, 2000 starts).

I awakened at noon, we talked some more and went finally to hometown at 10pm.

"Hey, an accordion player!" /me smiles and proceeds. "Don't be bashful!" 1:40 am in front of the Columbia Hotel? I reserve the right to be bashful.

Suffice it to say that cycling while wearing both a backpack on your back and an accordion strapped to your front is tricky business, resulting in the sort of condition I so recently mocked as pseudo_intellectual screwing a clipboard illustrated.

What was I doing biking around with my accordion at 2 am? The answer has something to do with a 72-hour jam and something to do with being force-fed my monthly allotment of meat in a single sitting, but regretfully I lack the time necessary to adequately explain the circumstances.

in our last episode... | p_i-logs | and then, all of a sudden...

You have 1 cool left today.
You gained experience!
you have 99 writeups until level 5
bookmark!

After going to see the thoroughly scary-yet-cheesy Hollow Man last night, came back to the apartment with her just to hang out for a while. Well, ya know what happens when it's dark and you have the apartment to yourself, so 2 hours later I finally got to bed, not really caring that I had to get up for an unheard-of weekend workday.

So yes, we had a major server upgrade last night that I skipped out of, instead opting to volunteer for Saturday maintenance duty. Of course, nothing ever goes smoothly, especially when you're using Microsoft IIS. So my 4 hour routine checkup turned into a 6 and a half nearly full workday in the office alone.

Oh well... that's what I get the big bucks for. Or something.

Pigeoto, whirlwind attack!

No plans for the evening; she is gone on a day trip back to school so I may have a fabled evening to myself. Wooooooo.

I'm moving back to michigan in a week! Err... hrrmm...

Aaaah well. Dinnertime.

i think my faculty expects me to be flattered when she sets it up for me to go talk to those people at microsoft. i think she anticipates a brilliant powerpoint presentation, a demo of a project that, though it sucked two months ago and no one has touched it since, will dazzle the corporate poodles and inspire them to give us money so we can buy yet another machine my lab administrator will quickly deny me access to. (you can imagine how not having access to one's development machines makes it difficult to get things done.)

of course, that has never happened. i give a presentation that changes little from iteration to iteration, press them to release the same code i've begged for before, and leave feeling like an idiot. maybe that's my own fault, as i refuse to play the political games that have that feeling as their end result, should one lose. my beloved colleagues do things incorrectly and remain silent as i get a lecture on how a login is unique to whatever client it was born on. (which i knew and is the reason that i would never have tried to log in as admin. but then, i didn't log in.) a question is raised about whether we've been using script or com modules, and someone who has never done any programming on this project jumps in to answer. incorrectly.

and i just sit there, feeling stupid, not knowing what to do.

so that was my morning. much bitterness and biting of my tongue. my car died exactly seven times before i got out of the m$ parking lot, and i got lost wandering across the steep hills of queen anne. i gave up trying to find something to do in seattle, finally, and pulled into the ballard denny's. where i sat down in the lounge and promptly began to get drunk. you might think that's pretty foolish, drive all the way to seattle just to end up in a denny's lounge, but it was relaxing. no sullen hipsters, no absurd array of microbrews. and grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato. so i sat and smoked and read speaker for the dead and drank scotch and soda that tasted like carbonated rubbing alcohol. that probably has much to do with why i'm sick today.

and eventually, i came home to find that my house was very cold and my roommate had disappeared again, leaving her cats to tear across the furniture and stink up the laundry room with their untended litter box.

i'm trying to decide which is worse: the painful futility of yesterday or the familiar banality of today and all those to follow.

Well, this is my first Saturday in my new house, haven't really got much done however due the fact that I keep having guests over. I need to move somewhere where I can have time to myself, but I'm lonely so I don't mind too much.
I did move the last of my things out of Stephanie's apartment, except this time, I found condom wrappers around her bed. Heh, she dared to tell me last night that she was not sleeping with Paul. That really hurts, especially since we've not even been broke up more than a week. That's ok Paul's accidental death is already in the works...
Well maybe not...
JarJar is loving the new house, he has room to run and jump and all things he could not do in that apartment, so he is very happy.
I have alot to do so I had best stop noding and get on with my day.

Whew, what a day! As winmute already mentioned in his writeup, we went to Mechelen - another city of Belgium - for fem with an old friend of mine.

We talked a lot about computers, the Internet, Linux , networking and other Geeky Stuff.

We also talked about Everything2, the old everything and other online communities like the infamous zoomoo - where you start out in a gorilla cage in some zoo, and have to wait for a zoo keeper who you need to convince you're not a gorilla so he will let you out. This all before you can start exploring the surroundings. My friend played it once, and he had to wait 4 whole days before he got out of his cage. IRL days, mind you! :)

Anyway, I told him how much I liked Everything. I created my login on the first everything, wrote a few writeups... Then sort of forgot about it - work and stuff getting in the way - only to rediscover it recently. And I am hooked! :)

I think I convinced him to come over and take a look, and who knows, maybe even participate. So I guess I could say that, despite having been tired and drunk, I did a great job today! ;)

Saw in a bookstore a new edition of 2 volumes of Lord Berners' memoirs. These were originally published about 55 or 60 years ago. I wonder who now would be interested in reading them. Gerald Berners, who died in 1950, was a minor composer once admired by Stravinsky; he also wrote and painted. He's now largely forgotten, but it's likely that those few of his contemporaries still living remember him mainly as a fun-loving eccentric and social butterfly. The character of Lord Merlin in the novel The Pursuit of Love was loosely based on Berners.

Well tonight one of my closest friends celebrated his 25th birthday and I didnt go.
I didn't go for a reason remarkably similar to the reason that I didn't do anything for my 25th birthday a few weeks ago. I didn't go because she was going to be there and I don't want to see her

He invited me with an email - there was a lot of subtext in that email. He invited me and then listed who else was coming, slipping her name in there among the others as if it wasnt all that significant. As if the rest of that list wasn't completely irrelevant.

Then he said we'd catch up another time if I didnt want to come or if I was too busy. As if there might be some other reason that I would miss his birthday other than that name slipped surreptitiously into the list in the line above.

And of course, in my reply I was equally non-specific. I just said I was going to have to pass on Saturday night. some other time. I didn't give a reason - I didn't need to.

Its strange that we felt the need to dance around it like that, but I guess I haven't seen him for quite a while ( after all he lives in the same house as her )

Anyway so rather than sitting around at home not being at his birthday I organised a dinner and movie with some other friends. We were going to get dinner at a little place in Chapel st called The Globe and then catch American Psycho at The Jam Factory. I was going to be driving and I agreed to pick them up.

As usual I daydreamed in the shower and I was running a little late as I jogged downstairs to my car. I jumped in, turned the key in the ignition and.... nothing happened - except for a sad whirring noise somewhere under the bonnet. OK so this wasnt good, but I'd have to worry about it tomorrow. If we were going to catch that movie I'd have to go back up call to change the plans - they would have to pick me up. I got to the front door of my block when I realised that in my hurry to leave Id left my keys in the flat. My car wouldn't start and I'd just locked my self out of my own apartment. I had no idea where my flatmate was - I hadnt seen him all day - for all I knew he'd gone away for the weekend.

There was nothing to do but walk up to Toorak road and catch a Tram. By the time I got to my friends place there was no way we could make the movie.I rang my flat and left a message for my flatmate to leave my keys in our letterbox if he got home that night.

In the end we didnt go to the Globe - we went to a shitty little vietnamese resteraunt in Footscray. Horrible decor but excellent food. Then we made it back in time for the late session of American Psycho, and when I went to check the letterbox the keys were there.

It wasn't a bad night in the end.

Fuck, what a day.
Broke up with Girlfriend 1.0 today, after nearly 2 years with her. (yeah, pathetic, isn't it; I'm 20 years old, and still running version 1). Oh fucking well, I knew (or should have known) this was inevitable a long time ago. I've been hell on her, and she's been no better to me. It's probably better this way, as the last few months have been nothing but emotional sadomasochism for both of us.
But enough of that shit, I'll stop there, because "wallowing in self pity" nodes fucking suck. Still tons of stuff I have to do around here before moving day, and lots of unresolved issues (I sound like a Mozilla M. release, don't I) left to take care of.

grrrr... I just hope she hurts that goth boy asshole down in College Station as much as she hurt me. Oh, Fuck them all (and I don't mean in that warm, squishy, happy way)...