Freddy Got Fingered

This movie was released on April 20, 2001 by 20th Century Fox. It is Tom Green's first feature film. He also directed it. It also stars Rip Torn, Marisa Coughlan, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Harland Williams, and Anthony Michael Hall. I saw it last night and, ugh, it was not very good at all. When I saw the trailer I thought it might be funny. There is one scene where Tom's dad, Rip Torn, walks in to his living room and finds Tom trying to be creative. He does this by rigging sausages to pulleys and strings on his fingers while pounding on an keyboard. This made me laugh very hard at the previews and I guess it was funny here. This movie had the potential to be really funny in an absurd way. It wasn't.

The problem with this movie is that it takes pains to make you uncomfortable. Tom Green is so sexually crass all the time. Another scene which seemed funny in the trailer, that of Tom crawling up an assembly line claiming that his cheese helmet made him invulnerable, that was funny. But it was bumped to the credits and replaced with a gross scene where he grabs a giant sausage and starts waving it around claiming that it's his giant wang or something. It just wasn't that funny. Plus, he makes an elephant ejaculate and plays with a horse's dick. It really was not that funny. It was just sick. As for the title, Freddy got fingered, this is something that Green shouts at a therapist in a family counseling session. Freddy is his younger brother, basically the straight man of the family. He claims that his father sexually abuses Freddy. Freddy gets taken away by the cops and gets put in a home for a long time.

This movie is a stupid waste of time which grossed me out and was not worth the $7 ticket price. Don't go. As the Hollywood Reporter said, it's "quite possibly the worst comedy ever made."

One year later, "Freddy Got Fingered" is already in the bargain bin at Tower Video. It looked lonely standing next to Revenge of the Nerds 2 and early 1990s Mickey Rourke thrillers, so I decided to give it a ride. I thought it would be perfect for my sister, who unashamedly owns a copy of Pauly Shore's Bio-Dome.

HongPong mentions that "Freddy Got Fingered" is quite possibly the worst comedy ever made. This is an amazing accomplishment in itself, given the competition. The only things I've seen that even come close are the aforementioned Bio-Dome and Chris Farley's Beverly Hills Ninja. This movie is stupid and completely non-sensical.

Tom Green plays Gord, a pathetic 28-year old loser who dreams of becoming an animator. The problem is that his animations suck. Over the opening credits, we meet some of his creations. X-Ray Cat is a sleepy-eyed, beer-gutted cat with the ability to see through wood. Then there's the banana who gets a job as a telephone repairman. We see Tom Green lying on his bed laughing hysterically at his unfunny creations. This is a fabulous metaphor for the entire movie, as it also amuses no one but Tom Green.

Gord drives to Hollywood in a Chrysler LeBaron given to him by his psychopathic father (Rip Torn). He stops to play with a horse's cock along the way, and lands a job in a cheese sandwich factory upon his arrival. Gord also stalks animation executive Dave Davidson (Anthony Michael Hall), and pitches his drawings to him. Davidson tells Gord that his storylines make no sense, and that Gord has to "get inside the animals".

Therefore the next scene is a dead giveaway. Driving back to his parents' house, Gord stops by the side of the road and skins a dead moose, then parades around wearing its carcass until a truck hits him. Warning: This is one of the two funny moments in the entire film.

Gord then mopes around his parents' house for awhile, incurring the wrath of his father. He also hooks up with a wheelchair-bound nymphomaniac played by Marisa Coughlan. She advises him that music and food will help with the creative process, and this leads to Gord playing the keyboard with sausages suspended from the ceiling. THIS IS THE OTHER FUNNY MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE FILM.

Things devolve rapidly from here. The flimsy semblance of a plot collapses under the sheer weight of the moronic situations. In short, Gord's brother Freddy (Eddie Kaye Thomas) "gets fingered", Gord gets a million dollars from Dave Davidson for his cartoon "Zebras in America" (which is nothing more than zebra bodies drawn onto the heads of Gord's family); and spends all the money to have his family's house shipped to Pakistan with his father still in it. In Pakistan, Gord jacks off an elephant, and reconciles with his father while they both lie in a small lake of elephant cum.

My sister, the Pauly Shore fan, loathed this movie. I found it to be extremely funny in parts, especially if you watch it with lowered expectations. In fact, this could have been a very good movie had it been guided by the sure hand of Adam Sandler, or even Rob Schneider. Green wastes some interesting characters (the father, the crippled nympho), and some actors who have been very funny in other films (Eddie Kaye Thomas and Harland Williams, who has very little to do as Gord's accident-prone best friend). The dialogue is also for the most part incredibly awful. Green's inarticulate, mumbly stoner makes me long for the snappy repartee of David Spade.

Daddy would you like some sausage?
Daddy would you like some sausages?

"X-Ray Cat can see through wooden doors"

I don't care how many people say this is the worst film ever. In fact, I'd have to agree. This movie is terrible -- but I still love it. Watching this movie in my friend Ben's den summer of eighth grade, I thought it was the best thing ever. We were bored sitting at Ben's house, so we decided to run up to Blockbuster. After a couple of minutes wandering the aisles, Ben comes running up to me holding a DVD.

"Dude! We have to rent this movie!"

"Freddy Got Fingered? Yeah, okay." It was his money.

The movie starts with a number of wacky cartoons, and Gord narrating each of several pages. The beginning is bizarre, but nothing compared to what follows. Tom Green plays a maladjusted, immature, and possibly retarded manchild leaving for the big city to sell his cartoons. In a strange way, we could relate to this character. Or maybe we just found his actions ridiculously inappropriate, which to us was pretty much synonymous with funny.

At age 13, we weren't exactly the pinnacle of maturity.

Years later, I'm hanging out with two of my friends in high school. I still loved this movie. Max thought it was a good idea to watch it with our friend Sarah. I'm not sure what it is about masturbating a horse to orgasm, but I have yet to meet a chick who enjoys watching it done.

"I'm a farmer!" Gord yells as we suddenly lose interest in the movie.

Months after, Sarah told me that she wants to watch the rest of the movie. I warned her that he also jerks off an elephant, but she said it was worth it for how insane the movie is. And I agree, the movie is worth watching. Just be prepared, it's really bad.

I've been meaning to watch it again, but I don't have the time for anything that f***ing stupid right now.