Viking Lawyer
(A
Very Short Play. The
Viking Vignettes are intended to be placed amongst other plays in the fashion of
television advertisements.)
Parts: Sven Svenson,
Attorney at Law
(A man wearing a
suit, a Viking
helmet, and a placard that says "Got Problems? We’ve got solutions. 1-800-VIKING" stands behind a table filled with
fruit and an
axe.)
SVEN: Are you having problems with your
structured settlement or annuity payments?
Credit card companies calling all the time? Have you been injured in an
accident and aren’t getting the money you deserve?
Social security giving you the run-around on your disability payments? Your neighbor’s
dog keeping you up at night? Don’t despair, call me, Sven Svenson, attorney at
law.
(He picks up an axe)
SVEN:
Beheaded creditors don’t make annoying
phone calls.
(He uses the axe to smash a
grapefruit in half.)
SVEN: And
castration is an excellent motivational tool to get you
better results!
(He squeezes a few
grapes into mush)
SVEN: I can even have the boys give ‘em a
blood eagle!
(He slices open a
tomato and rips a good chunk of the inside out)
SVEN: Remember, call me, Sven Svenson. Nobody’s been in the
business longer, nobody does it better, and nobody else
enjoys helping you as much. Don’t wait, consultation is free!