Well, I can tell you one thing right now: If you ain't got a shitload of money, and you live outside of the proximity of the northwestern United States of America, you're gonna go broke trying to masturbate with Icy-Hot.
I tried, my friend, and it's a losing proposition. First of all, you got to find the little minx when her phone line is clear. You ever seen how much time she spends on this godforesaken web site? But you finally manage to get her on the phone, and then you gotta convince her to whack off with you.
I know there's some silver tongued devils out there that could probably talk Regis Philbin into a prostate exam in the back of a beat-up Thunderbird, but words don't come that good to me. Specially when I'm talkin' long distance to a girl I don't even rightly know, except from a couple of chats on the evil Everything IRC.
But, can't nothin' fail but a try, right? So I finally talk her into it and I'll be a gay rodeo clown if she don't start laying out guidelines.
I can't talk about her private parts and I can't talk about jessicapierce's hot ass and I can't talk about nothing 'cept the weirdo guys that are always trying to pick her up when does her fuckin' laundry or goes to the grocery store and shit.
I finally, after two limps, two revivals, and $72.95, said, "to hell with it."
My advice? Like them folks above me here said already: Don't mess with it.