I
sit at the top of Soledad Mountain and I
wonder to myself,
“How important am I?” There are so many
lives being led that my
measly little life seems so
trivial. There are so many things in the
world that I can’t help but think how
insignificant I am. To people that I don’t know, I do not
exist. So does that mean that if no one knows you, you do not exist? Of course you meet people on every
street corner for a brief moment in
time…but you are that easily
forgotten. I think that it is
pathetic that a person is often times
based on who they know and how many people
care about him/her.
I think about the world and it’s
entirety and I start believing that if I
died at this exact moment,
who would care? Who would even know? The way that I
see it, the
odds are against any
individual. That is the reason why people feel the need to join
gangs or
clubs, so that they will have more of a
foothold into their own personal existence in this world. That is why
girls powder their noses,
primp and curl their
hair… So they have that
sense of
belonging that makes them feel more important about themselves. This way they have a better feeling about their
life and why they were put here on this earth. “If I were gone, this person would
miss me and this person would definitely
cry for me, etc., etc.” I believe this is what those people are thinking. If you lose this
self-esteem and you start
believing that you don’t have a
place or a
vessel to
claim as yourself, then I think the term
suicidal may pop into any person’s
mind. But even then, you read a
node like this, then you click a
link and, again, it (he or she) is that easily forgotten. Then again some people might think it is a
search for
the meaning of life. Not only “life itself, but a search for the
meaning of your own life. This can be a person’s cry for
help OR a person seeking true
enlightenment. That is an
opinion that is strictly left up to the reader.
“In the grand
scheme of things…
Where do I fit in?” I think that is the
question I am trying to find. If anyone has the
answer…please let me know because I have met with little
success in figuring this troubling
inquest out myself. I don’t
strive to be
famous, important, known or even
liked, but I know some people would surely
shrivel up and die if they didn’t have their place in the
spotlight every once in a while. Maybe I am being
selfish or
inconsiderate but I do wonder if I am even needed or
wanted by anyone else on this
earth.