Crack Rat's New Writeupshttp://everything2.com/?node=New%20Writeups%20Atom%20Feed&foruser=Crack Rat2003-04-01T16:07:45ZSometimes I feel my clockwork heart just ain't wound right (idea)http://m.everything2.com/user/Crack+Rat/writeups/Sometimes+I+feel+my+clockwork+heart+just+ain%2527t+wound+rightCrack Rathttp://m.everything2.com/user/Crack+Rat2003-04-01T16:07:45Z2003-04-01T16:07:45ZI sometimes get this odd <a href="/title/clicking">clicking</a>, a little bit different than the normal, rythmic ticking I'm so used to. At first I thought it just needed to be cleaned, but even after a thorough soak in some <a href="/title/industrial+solvent">industrial solvent</a>, the noise persisted. And other times I get a <a href="/title/heartache">pain in my chest</a>, like it's trying to go a different direction than the rest of me. It wasn't always like this...
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I used to have a normal heart. Just like everyone else, I had one made of flesh and blood. Well, made of flesh, full of blood. It pumped and pumped, and it kept me going up until I was just starting <a href="/title/college">college</a>. But then the problems started. The doctors couldn't explain it, but it was skipping beats. It did so with a frightening regularity, starting off with about one beat every couple of days, but by the time I was three weeks into my first semester it had begun to skip more often. I was missing a beat every 43 minutes.
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It quickly became obvious that a solution was needed. As the rate of skipped beats<!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…January 16, 2003 (idea)http://m.everything2.com/user/Crack+Rat/writeups/January+16%252C+2003Crack Rathttp://m.everything2.com/user/Crack+Rat2003-01-17T08:10:07Z2003-01-17T08:10:07Z<p>My ex-girlfriend left for <a href="/title/college">college</a> today. I went to her house before she left so that I could say <a href="/title/goodbye">goodbye</a>. It wasn't just any goodbye, not like, "Goodbye, have a good trip, I'll see you online." It was a goodbye for good, with the possibility of never seeing/communicating with her again. I asked her not to send me any <a href="/title/e-mail">e-mail</a> or <a href="/title/instant+messages">instant messages</a>. I have to try to forget her, because it hurts so much every time I think about her and how she doesn't have the same feelings for me that I have for her. We tried being "<a href="/title/just+friends">just friends</a>", and I think it was working okay for her, but it wasn't working for me. I think I did a pretty good job of <a href="/title/hiding">hiding</a> it, but I couldn't handle that for much longer. I hope that eventually I can forget how much I loved her, so that I can be friends with her again.</p>