Ninja-Lad's New Writeupshttp://everything2.com/?node=New%20Writeups%20Atom%20Feed&foruser=Ninja-Lad2002-05-02T16:30:35ZHow to polish shoes (idea)http://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad/writeups/How+to+polish+shoesNinja-Ladhttp://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad2002-05-02T16:30:35Z2002-05-02T16:30:35Z<p>
One last lil' tip for those of you looking for easy application of solid (cake in a tin) <a href="/title/shoe+polish">shoe polish</a>:
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<p>
<a href="/title/Fire">Fire</a>.
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That's right. The most important technological advance of our time can help you prettify your clogs. Here's how.
<ul>
<li>Procure a tin of shoe polish
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I use Kiwi, so <a href="/title/YMMV">YMMV</a> with other brands.
</li>
<li>Procure some fire-making device
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I use matches or a lighter, but I suppose a small stick-and-bow contraption or even a <a href="/title/magnifying+glass">magnifying glass</a>-and-sunlight combo would work.
</li>
<li>Remove the lid of the tin of polish
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Keep it close to hand...you'll need it in a minute.
</li>
<li>Apply fire to the polish
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I rest the match against the polish, moving it gently from side to side.
</li>
<li>Once the polish catches fire, move the heat source away from the tin and wait for the flames to cover the entire surface of the polish
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You're not trying to burn down the house here...just get the top of the polish melty.
</li>
<li>Cover the tin of polish<!-- close unclosed tag --></li><!-- close unclosed tag --></ul><!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…ice dildo (thing)http://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad/writeups/ice+dildoNinja-Ladhttp://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad2002-02-26T18:51:34Z2002-02-26T18:51:34Z<p>
So it's one of those stinking-ass-hot <a href="/title/summer">summer</a> days; the kind where the Sun is literally cooking every surface it can reach and your body's pathetic attempts to cool itself include sweating so profusely there is a miasmic cloud of perspiration following you around, Peanuts' Pig-Pen-style. Of course, this is one of those times where your suffering is not to be borne alone, because your <a href="/title/significant+other">significant other</a> happens to be over, perhaps visiting from some other, less hellish climate, perhaps merely deigning to grace with his or her presence while away from the air conditioned nirvana where they spend the balance of their time.
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<p>
What to do? Fans are not to be thought of; they generate more heat from their wicked little motors, and moving oven-hot air around the room is of little comfort, since the air friction generated is at least as misery-inducing as the ambient temperature. Cool drinks are a pleasant idea, until you notice that any chill imparted by the liquid is quickly whisked away by the<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…How to survive a toilet crisis during a party (idea)http://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad/writeups/How+to+survive+a+toilet+crisis+during+a+partyNinja-Ladhttp://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad2002-02-07T23:20:49Z2002-02-07T23:20:49Z<p>
Allow me to set the scene:
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<p>
The Place: A stylish home of the older, partially-remodelled variety
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The Time: A Saturday evening in late January
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The Event: A <a href="/title/soiree">soiree</a> thrown by four lovely young women in said home
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The Crisis: A cataclysmic structural <a href="/title/failure">failure</a> of the <a href="/title/toilet">toilet</a>
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The Twist: A lack of other <a href="/title/bathroom">bathroom</a>s or nearby friendly neighbors
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As a guest at the aforementioned party, I was summoned to the uppermost floor of aforementioned house approximately thirty minutes after the bulk of the guests began to arrive. The summoner (S) related that there was a problem with the single toilet in the house. A serious problem. A <b>very</b> serious problem.
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<p>
With some trepidation, I advanced toward the imperiled bathroom. As I looked within from the hallway, I noted one of S's housemates (we'll call her 'R') draped almost casually atop the counter next to the toilet. She was lying thusly so as to avoid being deluged by the <a href="/title/river">river</a> of clean (thank God)<!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…How to Use a Condom (idea)http://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad/writeups/How+to+Use+a+CondomNinja-Ladhttp://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad2002-01-16T01:08:07Z2002-01-16T01:08:07Z<p>
<b>
Addendum:
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</p>
<p>
Once <a href="/title/condom">condom</a> has been removed from aforementioned penis, please take a moment to dispose of it in as <a href="/title/sanitary">sanitary</a> a method as possible.
</p>
<p>
Some suggested techniques:
<ul>
<li>Gently fold used <a href="/title/prophylactic">prophylactic</a> several times and wrap in several layers of <a href="/title/toilet+paper">toilet paper</a>, facial tissue, or disposable, absorbent material. Place bundle in trash receptacle.
</li>
<li>Holding condom so that <a href="/title/reservoir+tip">reservoir tip</a> is downward (and making sure none of the ejaculate escapes) <a href="/title/knot">knot</a> the open end once (preferrably twice). Place condom in trash receptacle.
</li>
</ul>
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<p>
Though challenging, there are positive benefits to retaining some semblance of coherent thought in the post-orgasmic haze.
<ol>
<li>You know that you've done your damnedest to minimize contact of your bodily fluids and any other living creature and thus can sleep better in the arms of your beloved (or just satiated) partner(s).
</li>
<li>Anyone who may end up handling your trash (like, say, the<!-- close unclosed tag --></li><!-- close unclosed tag --></ol><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…Non-pot-smokers need to get over it (idea)http://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad/writeups/Non-pot-smokers+need+to+get+over+itNinja-Ladhttp://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad2001-11-06T00:47:13Z2001-11-06T00:47:13ZNo, really we do.
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Look. I'm not a <a href="/title/smoker">smoker</a>; not <a href="/title/tobacco">tobacco</a>, not <a href="/title/pot">pot</a>, not <a href="/title/crack">crack</a>, not <a href="/title/heroin">heroin</a>, and certainly not little fluffy <a href="/title/kitten">kitten</a>s (that's just plain wrong!). I used to count myself among the needlessly self-righteous non-(pot-)smokers. Oh, we were smug then, in the heyday of Mrs. Reagan's crusading call to abstinent arms. Smug indeed in our superiority and sparkling clean lungs, veins free of track marks and urine devoid of <a href="/title/narcotic">narcotic</a>s. It was quite a time, let me tell you.
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I was one of the more relaxed opponents of the smoking lifestyle (tobacco, pot, etcetera) insofar as I did not indulge, nor willingly spent time in the company of smokers, but never marched, campaigned or wept <a href="/title/crocodile+tears">crocodile tears</a> for the fallen. "It's a filthy habit," I may have declared to my fellow pink-lunged compatriots, "and I want none of it. Take your foul fumes, smokes and ashes far from my presence and come hither never again." but I drew the line at <a href="/title/skit">skit</a>s, dammit.
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The truth of the thing is that<!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…The Horny E2 Portland Conflagration post-soiree wrap-up (thing)http://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad/writeups/The+Horny+E2+Portland+Conflagration+post-soiree+wrap-upNinja-Ladhttp://m.everything2.com/user/Ninja-Lad2001-03-13T17:37:30Z2001-03-13T17:37:30ZI searched, yea, verily, hither and yon for another node into which I might pour reflections, wild speculation, and erroneous <a href="/title/drivel">drivel</a> concerning last night's glamorous and scintillating party...but hark! there was nothing. Hence I present to you this sparkling new <a href="/title/node">node</a>, <a href="/title/redolent">redolent</a> with that "new node smell" (kinda like <a href="/title/bananas">bananas</a> for some reason). Please add below as needed or inspired.
<p>
As my work day ground relentlessly onward yesterday I began to <a href="/title/fret">fret</a> (as I am occasionally wont to do) that <a href="/title/the+horny+e2+Portland+conflagration">the horny e2 Portland conflagration</a> would be (dare I blaspheme?) less exciting than my fevered imaginings had painted it <i>in potentia</i>.
<p align="center">
<big><big>Thank goodness I was utterly <a href="/title/wrong">wrong</a>. </big></big></p>
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The evening began (for my late (chronologically, not mortally) self, anyway) by meeting the throng outside <a href="/title/the+24-hour+church+of+Elvis">the 24-hour church of Elvis</a> in downtown <a href="/title/Portland">Portland</a>. After initial confusion that I was, perhaps, some sort of wandering street lunatic or even an owner/operator of said C<!-- close unclosed tag --></p><!-- close unclosed tag --></p>…