September 19, 2005...
Oh. What's this?? Ev... everything2. Dot com? What's this I've found here?
Click, click.
It looks like... like, uh, like a place. Where people. Write stuff. Where... they write stuff. Yeah.
Click, click, click.
There's all kinds of stuff here. What. What's this? What have we got here? Oh. There's a "Cool" list over here. Butterfinger McFlurry. Yeah I guess that's pretty cool. I like 'em anyway.
Click.
Let's see here. What the-?! Huh! Huhuh! Hee-heeee!
*chuckle* *giggle* *snort snort*!
Yogurt enemas! Luh. Luh. Long live... my dick!
*chuckle* *giggle* *snort snort SNOOORT*!
Hee hee, ha ha, "head nigga!" Bwa ha ha HA HA HA!
Wheewww... oh man. That's. *SNORT! That's some funny shit right there. Oh man. Let's see what else we have here. So, this site. It has everything huh? OK. Let's see. Umm. I wonder if... it has. Mm! My butt itches! Hey, I sure wish I had an electric butt scratcher. I wonder if this site has info on that. Hmm. Let's see. Oh, a search box thing!
Tap tap tappity tap tap Click!
Electric butt scratcher! Cool! This is great! I'm gonna make me one of these!
Ok. Lessee. Ummmm. You know what I'm in the mood for? A good elephant penis joke. Yeah. One of my favorite genres of jokes.
Tap tap tappity tap tap Click!
Hm! Well lookit there! An elephant penis joke! Hot diggity!
......
HA HA HUH! Rolls up the ass! Oh that's FUNN-NEE! Oh man. That's the best elephant penis joke I've read. Man. I wonder what else this site has? Hmm. Elephants. They're afraid of mouses. Maybe they'd be REALLY afraid of big mouses! But maybe a tough elephant would be like "You're all fuckin big mouse!" Hey! I know! Let's type that in that search thing there.
Tap tap tappity tap tap Click!
Hey! Wow! This site really does have everything!
All right. Now what--?
Seeeellll. A. Brate. Good. Times. COME ON!...
Goddamn phone! Whoozzit? Aw shit.
Y'ello?! Yeah. No, Stu, quit bothering me on this.
I told ya. I don't do any porn unless there's full frontal. Uh huh. Listen, Stu, why don't YOU get on a fucking treadmill?! Yeah. All right, fine, you tell them. Hey any word on I'm with Busey? We gonna get that goin again? No? Dammit, Stu. All right. Did you try to get my new idea going, "Gary in Gary," you know, where I'm living in Gary, Indiana? What?! Did you call ALL of them? Hey what about Lifetime? Hey it's worth a call! Whatever!
Oh well. Hey, you still bringing your kids to that thing? What?! I scare them?! Whatever! Look, I gotta go, I'm on this really cool website I just found. Anything3 or somethin or other. Yeah. OK goodbye!
Fuckin' Stu.
Hmmm. I can't believe that bitch is still on my contacts. Thought I deleted her last year. Bitch's Nickname on My Cellphone. Heeeyyyy....
Tappity tap tap tappappa! CLICK!
Well wouldja looka that?! This website is AWESOME! Hmm. Don't fuck with Don? What the fuck is this shit? What... hmm...
Tappity tap tap tappity tap! CLICK!
Boooyah! There's even an article thingy for that! Man. This site really really does have everythin! I'm gonna go read that elephant penis joke again!
Ha ha! Rolls up the ass! Hee hee, puts them rolls up... Hey. Whazzis? "If you. Log in. You. You can write something here. Or. Or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have.
"An account."
Wait! I can write my own shit here?! Hot damn! I'm gettin' on that shit! Yeah! Fuckin eh! I got some penis jokes! I got a whole fuckin library of 'em!
Hmmm. Username? Gary Busey I guess. Real name? Same bat name! Same bat channel!! E-mail address? Uhh... yeah I got one of them.
Password? What? The game show?
Oh, I gotta make one up! Yeah, ok, I'll use my dog's name. I guess. Richard Simmons.
K. What the fuck? I'm human! What--? Ohhh. I get it. OK.
All right. Time to check e-mail. Got it. OK. Cool! Lemme login.... yes! I'm in like Flynn, bay-bee! Heh! Lessee. Help... FAQ... blah blah blah. Whatever.
Now where's that elephant dick? Oh. Elephant penis joke. Hee heeee! I can type my own elephant penis joke here!
Tapppity tapp tapp...
There was once a man and an elephant standing on the side of a bridge. The elephant said to the man "Boy the water sure is cold!"
...tappity tap tap tap!
HA HA HA HEEE HEE HEE! *SNOOORT!* Water sure is cold! AHH HAA HAA HEE HEE HEE HEE!!! Oh man!
Sumbit?! What the f-- oh! They meant to do "submit!" Idiots!
CLICK!
WHOO HOOOO! I posted my own elephant penis joke! There it is! Right below that other! Cool! This website is fucking AWESOME!
I've gained TEN experience points? You get points? For Experience? Here?! Man. This website's like a video game or something. You get POINTS fer shit! Yeah. I'm diggin this. I get points here just for writing penis jokes! Nice!
I wonder if there are any other kinds of penis jokes here. Lessee.
Tap tap tappity tappy tap.
Hmmm. This is just a big list... with penis and joke stuff in 'em. Hmm. No. No. Nah. N-- oh, wait! There's a penis festival?! Where?! *CLICK!* Japan?? Oh those Japanese! They are messed-- 8-foot penis?! Man that's a big dick! No wonder those cartoons are so fucked up.
Wait. Hold on. "Ack! You've lost 3 experience points?!" What? What'd I do?! Huh?!
Whazzis? These look like... oh, I think people are giving me messages over here. Like little emails or sumthin. Hmm. "Bad formatting..." Uhh. "I'm a suckass noder?" Do they call themselves "noders" here? What's this? "Your first writeup will be deleted?" This dude. Named "Amnesiac." He says that I should jump off the bridge?! What an asshole! Jeez the people here are hostile! What'd I ever do to them?! Hmmm, this dude named "dannye" says I am just making fun of the real Gary Busey. I AM THE REAL GARY BUSEY! Why's he think I'm not?!
Fuck these people. I'm looking up more penis jokes.
Tappity tap tap! CLICK!
I've lost MORE experience points?! What?! My writeup's been "eaten?!" What the--?! What the hell kind of commie shit is this? They got rid of my penis joke! How can they NOT think that's funny?!
Hmm. "Create node?" Heyyyyy. I can create one and not just add to it? I know! I'll create one called "You all suck!" Yeah!
CLICK!
Tappity tappy tap tap tappity CLICK!
Tap tappity tap tappy tap...
I think that you all suck and you can kiss my ass. You take your funny messages about noding and shove them up where the sun don't shine! ASSHOLES!
...tappity tap tap CLICK!
There. That'll teach 'em!
What's this below those little emails? It looks like the commies are having themselves a little conversation. Looks like its about Fidel Castro. Commies! I KNEW it!
Hmmm. Talk? Hey. I can talk to these assholes if I just type in this box here and hit "Talk." Yeah.
Tap tappity tap tappy tap...
You guys better no who you are dealing with! I am Gary Busey god dam it. And you ate my penis joke. You don't know no you are messing with! You will be eating my penis, too!
...tappity tap tap CLICK!
I've lost more experience points! Fuckers! They ate my other one! I guess they can't take a joke OR criticism! This website is a joke!
What? I'm a "TROLL?!" Scumbags! Now they're insulting my looks. I don't look like a troll. People that looks like trolls don't become famous movie actors. These people are just STUPID!
Oh, I've had enough! Fuck this website. I'm gonna go surf for some porn!