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1) LIVE IN AN OPPRESSIVE REGIME

Naturally you're not ging to win many supporters around the world if you rebel against a benevolent and easy-going regime. It might be necessary for would-be revolutionaries to either, a)move to another, less pleasent country or b) campaign in the behalf of those who would oppress us in order that they might be overthrown on the glorious day of the revolution.

2) BE A POWER MAD LOONEY

With a few noteable exceptions, most revolutionaries are monomaniacal psychopaths. For goodness sake, get a grip on yourself. It's no good wanting to merely change the world, you've got to want TO CONTROL IT.

3) CHANGE YOUR NAME

You'll never get anywhere as plain old Vladimir Ilych Ulyanov, Ernesto Guevera de la Serna, or Fidel Castro. You've got to be Lenin or Che Guevara or, ah, Fidel Castro...damn

4) GROW A BEARD OR MOUSTACHE

Go for orignality so that it can be named after you (like the Zapata moustache). A bit tough if you're a woman, sorry. Still, if you're a recourceful revolutionary woman - you'll think of something.

5) FIND AN IMPENETRABLE POLITICAL DOCTIRNE

All revolutionaries believe passionately in something. All the really good revolutionaries believe passionately in something that noone else understands and talk about it in confident tones at revolutionary meetings. To those that would challenge them they say, "Pah, what would know, your mind is controlled by the (insert derogatory name of oppressive regime here). you will never understand until your mind is free." Then they stroke their beards and affect a thoughtful, far away look.
Tip: Do your research carefully and make sure you pick a philosophy that contradicts the present regime or you'll look a bit silly at rallies. "We believe in freedom, equality and justice for all", you cry. "So does the government", says a voice from the back and everyone goes home for tea.

6) FIND YOURSELF A POWERFUL ALLY

Once you've got yourself a political stance, try to find a government somewhere that agrees with you and get them to sponsor your revolution. Beware of deals that simply involve putting the country's name on your revolutionary uniforms and go for someting that involves weapons and advisors. Following the break-up of the Soviet Union it's a bit tough for communist rebels to find the sort of support they used to be able to rely on, but the CIA still has plenty of cash floating about if you fancy trying to overthrow a communist regime. You could probably persuade the CIA to help you overthrow anyone - they haven't much to do these days.

7) INFLAME LOTS OF EASILY-LED GUN-TOTING DOLTS WITH YOUR FIERY RHETORIC

Natch.

8) STORM THE WINTER PALACE

Or other easily recognisable symbol of the regime's power.

9) SET UP THE NEW ORDER

Begin by placing all your friends in positions of power and announcing free elections 'soon'.

10) KILL YOUR FRIENDS

It's no good having all those revolutionary types around you - you can't trust anyone who helped to overthrow a government.

11) SURROUND YOURSELF WITH OBEDIENT LACKEYS

Appoint yes-men into the positions of power and move into the presidential palace.

12) CANCEL THE ELECTIONS

And proclaim yourself president for life.

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