While I was home for Thanksgiving, mom was doing some cleaning in the basement. She found some old things from my childhood. Scribbled drawings. Photographs. And there was this little homemade book, from third grade I think. It had all of these pages that were mostly filled in, but with blanks left. I, of course, had filled in those blanks so many years ago. It was interesting to read back through it all. Reminded me of the simplicity of childhood. A good thing in many ways. So, I thought it would be neat to reproduce it here, complete with misspellings and awkward capitalizations. It appears that I got help with some of the larger words, but not with others. The hard links are what I filled into the blanks. The rest was pre-printed. Oh yeah, and it might help to know that Adam is my brother.

BTW: There is a Dr. Seuss book by this name, or with a very similar name. I have no idea if what I have came from that book or elswhere, as my copy is just a bunch of photocopied pages stapled together.

A Book about Me.
(scrawled onto a construction paper cover, with a magic marker self-portrait underneath)


    My name is Matthew. It is a very nice name, and I am happy that my parents chose it.
    When I grow up, my name will sound just fine if I decide to be a(an) astronaut or a(an) palentolgiost. It will NOT fit my job if I decide to be a(an) teacher or a(an) librarian.
    Sometimes people call me shrimp, and I think that name is awful. I would rather have them call me Matt.
    If I could change my name, I'd call myself the same. I think this would be a very nice name because I like it.
    If I have children when I grow up, I will call them Kevin and Amy. I certianly will NOT call them Adam or Gertrude.


    The place where I live is very cozy. It has 11 rooms, a great big Living room, and a tiny little closet. The best thing about the place where I live is the living room. The worst thing is the garage.
    The room where I sleep is comfortable and nice. The first thing I see when I wake up in the morning is my room. If I could change three things about my room, I'd change ceiling and desk and window. If I could live anywhere in the whole world, I'd live in Florida. My house would be made of Wood and brick, and it would look like a(an) house. Inside, there would be a(an) big bed, a(an) big room, and a(an) pool.
    It would be very nice if mom and dad could come and live with me.


    The name of my school is Hall-Woodward. It is a(an) big building with a big library and a small girl's bathroom.
    Most of the time, I ride the bus to school. It makes me feel good to be there. The three things I like best about school are art reading and science and music. The thre things I don't like about it are Noise and math and Social Studides.
    My teacher is very nice. He (she) is a(an) wonderful person. If I could change my teacher, I'd make him (her) more like the way she is. I'd like to have a long talk with my teacher and tell him (her) to please stop Math and homeworck.
    If I were a teacher, I'd give all of the children a day off and homeworck. I would let them have art I would never, ever spank them.


    A friend is someone who will give you a(an) pencil when you ask for it.
    A friend is someone who will not tell on you if you hit your brother.
    A friend is someone who won't laugh if you tell him or her that you fell.
    A friend is someone who won't yawn when you talk about your club.
    A friend is someone who will play War with you, even if he or she doesn't feel like it.
    A friend is someone who says "cheer up" when you are sad.
    A friend will help you find your toys when you lose it (them).
    A friend does not Hit you or kick you.

IF I WERE MY Brother
(choose one: mother, father, sister or brother)

    If I were my brother, I'd change many things about myself. The first thing I would change would be the way I Swing. Then I'd act right and be quiet.
    I would stop telling Matthew to Shutup. I would NEVER, NEVER ask Matthew to Shutup.
    I would spend more time playing, and less time bugging matthew.
    I would buy a(an) bike and give my old one to matthew.     I would not invite Richard to come over so often, and I would try to be nicer to Matthew.
    I would try not to laugh in front of Matthew.
    But the most important thing that I would do would be to go up to Matthew and say "I'm sorry."


    If I could take a trip to any place, I'd go to Florida. I would fill my suitcase with clothes and toys. Then I'd wave goodbye to mom and dad, hop in a(an) airplane, and be on my way. If I wanted to take along one person, I'd take Tim. But that would be all.
    The reason I'd like to go to floirda is Disney World. I would do lots of things there, like ride on rides and watch shows.
    Once I went on a trip to Virginia, and it was fun. I did a lot of things on that trip, but the one thing that I remember most is papa and granny.
    There is one place that I'd never want to visit. That place is West Virginia.
    My idea of a perfect trip is quiet.


    If someone gave me a million dollars, I'd go right out and buy a(an) transformer. I'd also buy a(an) inground pool and a(an) dune buggy.
    It would be fun to have a million dollars. People would treat me like they usually do. The would ask me to play with them. I would be able to play and swim and fish.
    I might even give some of the money away. First, I'd give some to Tim. I'd call him (her) up and say "here's some money." I might also give some to Brian.
    If someone gave me a million dollars, I' might spend a little on my family. I'd buy my Dad a(an) toolbox and I'd buy a new sewing kit for my mom.


    If I were an inventor, I'd invent the perfect toy. I would call it the speeder, and I would take it with me wherever I went. It would be made out of metal and circuits, and would look a little like a(an) Robot, and a little like a(an) car.
    This toy would do lots of things. It would transform, and eat, and walk. If tim asked to play with it, I'd say "you can play with it." But if Rachel wanted to play with it, I'd say "you can't play with it."
    I would keep this perfect toy in my closet, and every day I'd take it out and play. In school, the toy would clean up and pass out things. If my teacher said "take it home" I'd tell him (her) "it's helping us clean."
    The best thing about this toy would be that it would guard the house. However there might also be a few things wrong with it, such as malfunctioning, cuting down trees and hitting, and without permission, falling down.
    It would be wonderful when Brian came over. He (she) would look at it and say, "that's neat." I'd say, "I know it is." Then my toy would jump up and down.


    There are a few things I've been wondering about. First, I wonder why I'm not allowed to steal bases or go to Scotts.
    Next, I wish someone would please tell me why I have to be so polite. When I'm eating, why do I have to say may I be excused? When a stranger comes to my house why do I have to pay no attention?
    Why does my family always tell me to clean up my room and go away? Why can't I just go to Tims and play whenever I want to? I also wonder why my brother gets so angry over little things like calling him stupid.
    When I grow up, wy will I ahve to go to work and go to college? why shouldn't I just be able to sleep all day?
    Why do people care so much when someone falls? What is so bad about tripping and falling? Why does it matter so much if I fall down?


    Colors are funny things. Each color seems to have a differen feeling.
    Blue is a(an) nice color. It makes me feel good and happy. I have a blue bookmark and a blue jacket. Blue sounds like birds It looks like the sea and tastes like ice water.
    Red has a different feeling. When I think of red, I feel happy. If I were to touch red, it would feel like my bed. If I were to have red for dinner, it would tast like cherries. If I were to put on a pair of earphones and listen to red, it would sound like birds.
    The color gray is dark. It makes me think of wolves and night. If I could hug gray it would feel like fur. If gray creeped up and stood in front of me it would look like a monster. If yellow is the morning, gray is the afternoon.


    I wish there were a day called Matthew day. On that day I would be able to do anything I wanted. When I woke in the morning, the first thing I'd do would be to play with tim. Next I would watch tv and then I would play with leigons of power.
    I would tell my family to "not bother me," and then they would all have to do it. Then I would tell my brother to shut up, and my mom to sen him to his room.
    I would run the school on My Day, and I woud make three changes. They would be:
1. no homework
2. more play time
3. more art
    For dinner on My Day, I would order pizza and meat. For dessert I'd have ice cream. Then, when dinner was over, I'd play with robitix.
    I'd stay up until 12 o'clock on this very special day, and no one would be able to say a word about it.


    I would like to have a secret place where only I could go. If I could pick the perfect place, it would be in the woods. If I had to tell one person where it was, I'd tell Brian. because he(she) would keep it a secret.
    If I were sad, like the time I was grounded, I'd take a(an) toy and go to my secret place. Then I would play. I might wrie a letter to Brian and tell him (her) that I feel Sad and bored. Most of the time when I am sad it is because of my brother.
    If I were happy about something, like the time I got sky lynkx, I'd take a(an) transformer and a(an) GiJoe figure to my secret place. Then I'd play. I might make faces like a(an) clown or I might do tricks like a(an) Acrobat.
    If I were angry, like the time my brother kicked me, I'd take my cat to my secret place. Then I'd walk around. I'd make sure that mom or dad couldn't hear me, and then I'd scream, "ahhh!!!"
    If I could hide three things in my secret place, so that they would always be there if I needed them, I'd hade a(an) first aid kit, a(an) shovel, and a(an) chair.


    Many things make me happy. One is birthday. Another is reading. A third is art. When Adam is nice to me, I feel warm inside. When I'm eating a(an) samwich, I feel good inside. When I'm watching Bill Cosby on T.V., or reading about Garfield, I feel as if I could dance around the room.
    I remember one very happy time. It made my feel good because I got sky linx.
    Two things that make me smile just a little are go bots and clothes.
    Two things that make me smile even more are transformers and Robotix.
    One thing that makes me laugh out loud is Brian.


    When I am sad, I feel as if a(an) Spider had crawled inside of me. My head hurts. My belly feel(s) like butterflys. I feel as if I'd like to cry.
    I remember once when my brother kicked me made me sad. He (she) (it) hurt me, and it made me feel like a(an) ball. There was nothing else that I could do, so I cried.
    Another time I was sad because Adam wouldn't let me play with the animal.
    The person who makes me the saddest is Adam. This is because he (she) is mean and a maniac. If I could tell hime (her) three things, I'd say:
1. "go away."
2. "shutup."
3. "I hate you."


    Sometimes, when I'm looking in a mirror, I think I am handsome. I wish I were funny, and that I could change my height and my weight. However, there are other things about me that are just fine, like my face, my hands, and my feet.
    Most of the time I am very nice (except when I am mad and hurt). My teacher wishes that I'd change the way I write. My mom wishes that I'd change the way I write, and my dad wishes that I'd change my writing.
    However, the are wrong. I'm a very good person, so I don't think I'll change anything. Well, maybe I could change my writing and my speed just a little. Then I'd be perfect.


    How is it that there are so many boring things in the world? The most boring thing that I can think of is homework. It makes me want to scream and shout.
    The most boring show on T.V. is news. The most boring game I've ever played is tic-tac-toe. The most boring book I've ever read is the dictionary.
    There are a lot of boring people in the world. If I could invent a stop-being-boring-pill, I'd give it to Rachel and her dog.
    It is very boring when people talk about clothes or furniture.
    Here are some boring things that make me want to fall asleep:
1. news
2. the car
    I am not boring at all. This is because I'm so fun and so smart. People just LOVE to have me around.


    If I were going to make the perfect sandwich, I would start with two pieces of bread. Then I would add some cheese, some mustard, and some mayonaise.
    Here are some of the other things I would put in my sandwich:
1. lettuce
2. jelly
3. peanut butter
4. ketchup
5. garlic
    Before I was done, I'd ad a little salt and a little pepper, and then I'd eat it. It would taste a little like cheeries, and I would say, "yum." I woul call my sandwich the "Double Deluxe," and I might even open a store and go into the sandwich business.
    Some people might not like my sandwich. But others would smak their lips and shout "yum." I might even make 10000 dollars.


    I would like to have a club called the "duckbusters" We would meet every Saturday and talk about chasing the ducks and plans. No one could join the club unless he or she were interested in chasing ducks. Therese are the people who couldn't join: Gordon and Richard and Aren.
    The president of my club would be Tim. The vice president would be Matthew.
    My clubhouse would be very safe. I would build it in the tree, and it would be made out of wood. When it was finished, I would paint it like the tree and nothing else. This clubhouse would have two special things. These would be a trapdoor and a ladder that would come up.
    We would collect other special things to put on our club house shelf - things like dirt bombs, and rocks.
    There would be a sign on my clubhouse door saying, "no ducks or girls." There would also be a sign inside that only members could see. This sign would say "duckbusters."


    I am about to blast off for another planet. No one lives on this planet, and I will be the first one there. It will be my very own planet and I will name it Glupeter.
    The first thing I will do when I arrive is get out of my ship. Then I will build a city called mlomiter, and ask some of my favorite people to fly up and join me. I will incite Brian and Tim. I will NOT invite Gordon and Richard because they are too dumb.
    My city will be very big and very hard to blow up. There will be three extra special stores in it that will be named after me. One will be a(an) food store that will sell food. The second will sell drinks, and the tird will be a(an) Space Suit store.
    On my planet, no one will be allowed to smoke. People will have to do what I tell them to, and I will have three rules. The will be:
1. no smoking
2. no wrecking
2. no stealing


    If I had a magic hat, I'd put it on and change the world. I'd call my hat merlin, and every morning I'd go to my closet, take it out, and put it on.
    If my brother said "shutup" while I was eating my breakfast, I'd touch my hat and he (she) would fall out of his chair. THen he (she) would say "What happend," and I would say hush.
    At school, all of my friends would talk about my hat. They would say "that looks tacky,"or "that's stupid," and I would pretend that I didn't hear them. I'd just touch my hat and they would Start hitting heads together. I my teacher told me to sit in the corner, I'd just stay there and touch my hat. Then he (she) would fall down, and all the other kids would laugh.
    If I were being punished by dad, I'd touch my hat and lots of things would happen. Dad would fall. The table would fly. The chair, and plant would go up and down. If dad said "You can't do that" or "stop," I'd just touch my hat and disappear. Now wouldn't THAT be lovely.
    At night, if mom told me to go to bed, I'd just touch my hat and disappear. THen I'd stay up all night, with my hat on my head, and read, play, and color.


    If I could change places with anyone in the whole world, I'd like it to be brian. This is because Brian is very nice and funny.
    There is one person I would NOT change places with. This is Adam. It seems to me that he lives a very sad life.
    My own life has its good and bad moments. The worst thing about it is cleaning my room. The best thing about my life is having fun.
    If I could change places with a T.V. star, I'd change places with MIchael J. Fox.
    If I could change places with a sports hero, I'd change places with refrigerator.
    If I could change places with one of my friends, I'd change places with Brian.
    If I could change places with someone in my fmaily, I'd change places with Uncle Robert.


    If I were to write a book about me, I'd call it "Matt's life."
    I would start by telling the readers about my younger days. I would tell them I was very small, and that I did a lot of silly things. I would write about the time that I went to Myrtle beach. That would make them I want to go.
    Next I would write about the way I am today. I would say that I enjoy soccer and baseball, and that I'd rather not die. I would explain that my favorite things in the whole world are going to the beach and my mom's friends pool.
    Then I would write about my future plans. I would say that I'd like to be a(an) palenotologist or a(an) astronaut when I grow up, and that I'd like to look like I am now when I am older.
    I would tell my readers that if I had one wish it would be to have a free pizza.
    I would hope that when my readers finish my book, they would think of me as a very nice person person.

So, that's it. A few updates:
My brother is a great guy. I love him to death. No idea what I was so pissed about in the third grade.
Math rocks
I'm not so sure anymore about trading places with Michael J. Fox
No Smoking and No Wrecking are still rules on my planet
Even if you gave me five lines to write on, I would still say that my idea of the perfect trip is quiet.

And it's a nodeshell rescue to boot.

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