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I'm a networker by trade. That may have a nebulous meaning to many of you, even some of the more computer savvy e2'ers. Perhaps even some of you Programmers. But then a Programmer's grasp of networking should only be as strong as it needs to be. A Programmer that doesn't write networked apps can let those network kernels of knowledge slip through their fingers like rebel starsystems, but I've got Lotus Notes programmer's that don't know jack-all about networking! That's a Bad ThingTM.

Ahem, but I digress, much as my career seems to have digressed from network administration to project management. Software project management is wonderful, especially when you don't code. Actually it sucks, but you can get through it. I've compiled (heh did I steal that from the Programmers?) a list of some things that might help.

This is after all a Network Administrator's Guide to Project Management, and that certainly calls for an ordered list

  1. Do not under any circumstances use Lotus Notes to do anything, ever. I mean this with the utmost seriousness. Careers are at stake.
  2. Trust your Programmers. You can always blame Quality Control for their mistakes.
  3. Avoid landline phone calls from clients. If they really want to get a hold of you, they know how.
  4. If the AS/400 (or other mid-range/mainframe) is doing ok, DO NOT TOUCH IT. Never manage a new AS/400 software project. This goes doubly so for Domino on the AS/400.
  5. Never tell the client that something is easy.
  6. Find a PHP hacker. Pay them well.
  7. Only talk money with someone that can pay it.
  8. Find your Programmers' vices. Drugs, pr0n, bandwidth... whatever it is, ply them with it. Remember to blame Quality Control.
  9. Schedule meetings for Friday afternoon. Do very little at them.
  10. Don't tie down a release date until you have to.

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