The Fez...Episode One


The hotel was marked only by a grimy sign hanging from a lonely hinge. Thefez couldn't tell if it was neon or not -- it was pink and it was fuzzy. In this world, pink and fuzzy is good enough. He slumped through the doorway, still wincing from his exodus via garbage chute.

The little voice in the back of his head that constantly dispensed advice and subsequently demanded narcotic tribute began to scream. Something about this hotel was extremely incorrect. Fez smiled quietly. "Perfect."

While the clerk puzzled himself over the same paperwork that each and every room rental occasioned Fez took a blurred glance around. Dingy? Check. Secluded? Check. Cheap? Check. Manned by incompetents? The clerk began to curse under his breath--something about " ... goddammit, I carried the one last time." Check. A shaky signature by a carefully trained hand left the moniker Dr. Horatio Benway. The clerk looked up from the form with a room key extended - "You're a doctor, mister?" Fez beamed a smile belying the fact that in the last 24 hours he'd undergone a digi-retinal modification that had left lazic scar constellations drifting over the surfaces of his pupils. "Oh yes, I'm a doctor. I'm a super doctor."

Key in hand, he set out for the stairwell. A little holiday for the eyeballs and a supply-run later it was shaping up to be a fantastic evening. It's amazing what you can purchase in Windsor with the the right kind of smile ...


condition: lost and blind

thefez groans in disgust and pushes a pile of paper placemats and and used napkins away from his face. Climbing out of the dumpster he feels each and every bruise from his thrill ride down the disposal chute.

"Send him out the back way.", as Mr. Fist had put it. The operation was a success, though thefez wouldn't know it by the bleary, over-exposed world he gazed onto now. In a few days his vision would clear and become, well, not only better but quite remarkable to the point that he would be able to vaguely recognize objects and movement even through solid walls. Yes, in a few days he would see quite well and the digital code burnt into the edge of his retina ("You can't train a horse without reigns", said Mr. Fist) would be unnoticeable. But now his eyes burned. He was blind, stinking of garbage, and stumbling out of an alley in Windsor, Canada. He was an agent now.

His next move did not concern him. This was going to be a long night, no doubt. But as he climbed out of the dumpster feeling the first stiffening of his bruised muscles and the stinging in his eyes, the only thing in his mind was Sam the Butcher. He pulled his collar up and with one hand guiding him along the wall headed toward the noise of the street

"You're one dead mother fucker, Sammy"

After six flights of ramshackle stairs, each more treacherous than the last,
thefez, unable to distinguish the room numbers on the doors,
puts a bruised shoulder into the first one he stumbles against.

Inside the room, some tryst was just bearing fruit, when without warning,
the door explodes inward with a shower of splinters. Something hit the floor,
and when it stood, it eclipsed the light streaming in from the hall… later,
tryst participant A, when asked to describe what he saw, could only stammer…
anger, shaped like a man.”

thefez barely registered the lovers hasty exit, indistinguishable from the countless
other phantoms and halos that swam in his newly augmented ocular field
and the screams? Something is always screaming in thefez’s head and
that’s why they chose him.

Settling down was first priority, so with all the grace of a monkey being shot from a tree,
thefez landed on the still damp bed. With a fluid motion he swept an arm across the
nightstand, sending all of it’s contents to the floor save the phone receiver.
“Front desk!” he thundered, “ this is Dr Benway…yes the super doctor…
I need supplies and I need them ten minutes ago…get a pen…

A cape-red.
some frosting-white
soy-ten pounds
two live chinchillas and PILLS goddamnit!
What the hell good is a doctor without pills?
I don’t care, the best ones your money can buy,
No shit, I never would have guessed…
OK, do it fast and thorough, and there’ll be a little something extra in it for ya.”

like the rest of your pathetic life he thought to him self.
poor kid, never get chinchillas this time of night,
then again…
this is Canada.

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