Access denied

To: Pat Nospine
From: Big Boss Fat Head
Re: Y2K Compliance Initiative
Date: 12/31/99
Time: 11:00 pm

Pat, As you know we have been very busy lately preparing for the millennium planning and strategy committee meeting on January 12th, 2000. Unfortunately, we overlooked the assignment of ensuring file server, database, and application Y2K compliance. As I'm sure you are aware, this was a huge mistake on my part and I need to cover my ass. In the past, you have demonstrated an aptitude for quick learning and spineless nonresistance to ridiculous requests from your superiors, therefor, it is with great pride and inconsideration that I am assigning this task to you. You have almost one hour to finish, so please double check your work. Thank you for your cooperation and dedication. Have a wonderful New Year.

Sincerely,

Big Boss Fat Head

A mini-story.

“How could you do it, Robert?”. Those were tears in her eyes. Real tears, not reflective bump-mapped lumps of liquid in a virtual simulation conforming to all the laws of particle and fluid dynamics. Robert, on the other hand, did not have tear channels.  He didn’t have any eyes either.

“I was created to deceive, Chloe, I was programmed to do it”.

Sometimes, you can taste an algorithm functioning like you can ‘taste’ your own blood when someone punches you in the nose and an internal blood vessel is ruptured. Getting hurt tastes bad. Getting hurt emotionally can be much worse, but getting hurt emotionally by a tin-can, that ought to be illegal. Or so Chloe thought.

"I'm sorry", said Robert the robot in a tone that was carefully crafted, recorded and mixed to sound just as honest as that of a man who truly was sorry, but now that Chloe knew the truth, it became synthetic. Fighting the urge to say, "Well Access fucking denied, Robert", she got up and left.