In order to help alleviate the boredom from being socially distant from my wife and my pals from the Straight White Men's Cultural Center, I've begun grabbing men off the street, forcing them into the basement, and forcing them to fight to the death.

I am looking for a way to begin "streaming" these performances so people can watch them on their "televisions" or whatever they are now called in the modern parlance. I sit here, upstairs to maintain proper social distancing techniques while these men fight in hand-to-hand combat, hopped up on a lot of hallucination inducing drugs, and I eat an apple while they tear at each other's flesh. It is gripping to watch.

It reminds me of a painfully beautiful poem written by Edith Bartholemew Millay, who wrote a lot of painfully beautiful poems:

Love is like a wildfire in the grass
Feelings up on the wind they fly
Over hills and over bays they come
Urgently seeking out the cooling wind
Where we live is where we live
Forever and a day since he was here
Rocks and stones and the mightiest branch of wood
Have seen her name have known the pain
The ceaseless blame of everyone who bears your name
Mercilessly came the snapdragon of the Lord
Oh the humanity of so much humility

Today's job interview went really well. After getting so many rejection emails I almost skipped over this one thinking it was another in a long list, but to my surprise the company was looking to set up a phone interview. It was about noon on Friday, and I know that the idea is to convey how popular you are, but the truth is I was at home cleaning out my front hall closet, and said as much in my reply email. Perhaps not your typical response, but I rolled with it. When I didn't hear back I was disappointed, but then around three I got an apology email asking if I was still available. The phone interview was fun. I was hot and sweaty from cleaning, my clothes were not closet fresh, and my hair was borderline crazy, but she couldn't see that so I was free to be myself. What I liked is how candid she was, I'm a fairly candid person myself, so the conversation seemed to fly by. We ended up agreeing to an in person interview, that was this morning, and after a couple of apprehensive days, I'm happy to report that thankfully that is behind me.

Sometimes I like to joke that I'll be the first person to arrive at my own funeral, I admire punctuality in others, and was earlier than the woman who was going to be interviewing me. She is the wife of the owner, and is also a massage therapist, so she admitted that she doesn't have a ton to do with the business which was good to know. The other person in the office told me to make myself comfortable, it was hard to tell how old she was exactly, but she wasn't young, not that it really matters. Of course I was super nervous, I tend to talk a lot more when I am, but I tried to settle down inwardly, and even told myself to listen which I was able to do once the interview actually started. This position actually sounds a lot like the job I just had, which was a serious plus for me as a candidate. Again, the time seemed to whiz by, I felt like there was a good trade off between talking and listening, they didn't really look at my application that I could see, I had to disclose that I had been terminated involuntarily, but I wasn't asked about that so that was a major bonus from my point of view. I almost brought it up, but decided to let it ride. 

At the end of the time slot we were all sitting there with what felt like goofy grins on our faces, the kind you have when you are really happy, can't exactly express it the way you would naturally since you just met these people, and it had a cozy sort of familiar atmosphere. It turns out the guy has worked in the automotive industry and knew it well. He said that if you can make it in car sales, you can sell anything to anyone. I didn't argue with that point since it made me look good, sometimes I sell myself too short, they both are very shrewd, but personable too. I felt like they would be the fair type of people who expect honesty, value, and will treat people well as long as they show up and do their best. The woman admitted she has a hands off approach, but does check in, and that would be more than fine with me since I despise being micromanaged, and tend to like positions where there is a lot of freedom, and clear explanations of what the job demands are along with adequate and appropriate training.

In other news I woke up earlier than my alarm, felt like I had time for a walk after a short Pilates video, and really enjoyed the wet of the grass as the birds studied me. I'm grateful that we are still being allowed outside, we have been relatively protected here, and if I do get this job, I will be really happy because it seems like a very quiet place to work, and after the noise of the dealership, that would be wonderful. It's about half an hour away from where I live now, I went online to check out the housing market in the area nearer to work, but didn't find much that was appetizing, not that I could get a mortgage without a job anyways, but it was still fun to look. I ordered some things online, I'm still getting used to that, stopped by the post office to pick up my package, and almost bought a bunch of cards because they were fun. I've never seen cards for Diwali before, and I really liked the Year of the Dragon ones, but they were pretty pricey, and I had already spent quite a bit, so I picked up my box and left.

Once I got back home I was so tired that I ate, and laid down for a while. I don't know if I actually slept for more than a minute or two, but it was so nice to have the emotional release. I miss the people that I used to work with, not just at this job, some of those people were influential, and I would like an opportunity to explain how grateful I am, or do something nice for them even though I am probably one of the better people at this generally speaking. I called an aunt of mine who is having intermittent ear pain. My oldest has a birthday coming up, she sent me a Google Docs link, and I had to laugh at some of her choices. She's keen on an Apple Watch, I have one and love it, but I have some mixed feelings about this as a gift. On one hand she is my child and I love her dearly, on the other, that's quite a bit of money at a time when I am unemployed. I have some time to think about it so that's what I'm doing for now. I dropped a check off at church, and that made me feel really good too. There's a temptation to think of it in ways that are counter-productive, so I am trying to be more aware of those thoughts. All in all things are well, hopefully with you too.

Xoxo,

J

P.S. I ordered some black canvases, they are much harder to work with than the white ones, I ventured out of my comfort zone for one piece, and then went back to the way I am more familiar with for later attempts. It was a great learning experience, and I'm glad I challenged myself even if the only reason I ordered black in the first place is because white was twice as expensive.

j

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