April 29, 2009

Topical joke:

A lion, a bear, and a pig are sitting round discussing which animal they think is the hardest.

"Truly," says the lion, "I am the most ridiculously hard animal ever. I'm king of the jungle for a reason you know. When I roar, people cower before its sound. Therefore I am the hardest animal in creation."

"Bollocks!" shouts the bear. "I'm harder than you, mucker. Your roar? All mouth and no trousers. I can't roar as much but I can tear a freakin' Range Rover apart with my bare claws. That makes me harder than a hoodie's knob upon seeing a 50 Cent video."

"You're both wrong!" snorts the pig. "Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. I'm the hardest animal ever!"

"What???!!!" chorus the lion and the bear. "But you're a fat arsed snorter!" says the lion.

"When you roar," the pig says to the lion, "people cower. But when I sneeze," he carries on, "the whole planet shits itself."

The first thing I remember is being in an upstairs room with a woman I had never met in real life. I have no idea how I got there but another couple was telling me about the party going on next door. Outside snow was falling which I thought was odd since the woman I was with was wearing a brown tank-top. The room we were in had bedroom furniture but it covered the entire second floor of our house so it had room for a dining room table and everything you'd expect in a kitchen as well. Through the windows I could see couples entering the house next door. I felt as if I knew the other couple but when I woke up I couldn't attach real names to dream faces. The woman I was with didn't look like anyone I've ever dated. Her hair was black, she was wearing a head covering, her skin was honey colored and apparently I was her date for the evening. At the party she stayed close to me. I don't remember talking to the woman I was with but everyone else at the party seemed to accept that we were a couple.

Suddenly we were in a warm climate where the architecture was completely different. After the gates parted we were inside what appeared to be a private estate. I was about ten steps ahead of my companion when I heard a man yelling. The woman with long black hair was kneeling by a stream I hadn't noticed earlier. The yelling was in a language I didn't understand but it soon became clear that the guards were yelling because the woman was trying to capture some of the water. The men who had yelled at the woman led us to a massive brick building that had two doors on the south side of the building. Behind the doors teams of people were working. We stood there watching until one of the men we were with slammed the doors together. Curiously the doors faded into the brick of the building. The black haired woman gave me a confused look. Her necklace was a large red circle with a hole in the center. Sunlight hit her necklace, hissing smoke filled the air as my hand moved forward. I woke up breathing hard and hoping nothing had harmed the woman of my dreams.