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Okay, this write-up might make not-so-tasty images run through your head. Nonetheless...

All cat owners should beware. Cats will start to eat your body as soon as you die. Dog owners aren't off the hook either. Dogs will eat a dead person, too. However, dogs wait until they are hungry. I guess that means you should make sure your dog is always full, especially if you plan on dying soon.

Just another tidbit of information that I learned in my Biological Anthropology class.

I remember the day I found out about my cat's treachery like it was yesterday. Her name, if it matters, is UNIX. I wanted to name her BSD, but my girlfriend liked UNIX better. So it goes.

It was a cold December evening. The wind howled outside my window as I came home from work, and the snow had already begun to pile on the walk in front of my apartment. I stepped in through the doorway, kicked off my shoes and looked around for the cat, but she was nowhere to be found. I checked all her usual hiding places, but they all turned up empty.

I made my way to the computer, like any other day, and wiggled my mouse to get the monitor to wake up. I had been working a lot at home on an open-source project under FreeBSD that had nothing to do with my day job. I had left my FreeBSD partition running, in case I needed to ssh home from work, but oddly enough when I sat down, I was looking at Windows 98. Visual Studio was also loaded. I flipped through the windows and it looked like someone had tried porting my unix code to this unstable windows junk.

My mind raced. I boggled over the situation. I mean, what sort of sick person would break into my house only to mess around with a side-project that barely anyone knew about?

Just then, I heard the lock turn on my front door. I expected it to be my girlfriend, but instead my cat wandered in with a zipdisk in her mouth. I stared at her with my mouth agape. Standing quickly, I walked to the cat and took the disk from her maw, and as I did this, a folded piece of paper she was also carrying fell to the floor. I quickly snatched it up.

It turned out to be a non-disclosure agreement with Microsoft, and it was regarding a deal to sell a port of my code to the software giant.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" I yelled.

"Meow." She replied.

Furiously, I put the paper into my shredder and hit the zipdisk with a magnetic bulk-eraser. I quickly looked around on my machine and destroyed all the source I could find under Windows. I placed the cat in the protective custody of a large closet and closed the door while I cleaned things up.

She mewled sadly from behind the door, so I decided to move quickly. I encrypted all of my original code with PGP using 30 character random string pass phrases.

Just then, Amy, my girlfriend, came home. She walked into the room and heard the cat meowing softly from behind the door.

"What is she doing in there?" Amy asked suspiciously, as she opened the door and rescued the thieving feline.

"The cat took my source code and tried to sell it to Microsoft, I had to lock her in there so she couldn't see me typing in my passphrases while I encrypted it." I said, flustered, realizing how ridiculous I sounded.

Amy regarded me with a firm gaze as she held the cat protectively, and walked silently into the other room. I tried to chase after her with the shredded strips of the contract, but she shot me another look, so I gave up.

In desperation, I looked to the cat and barked, "Tell her what you did, you menace!"

The cat replied in a soft voice, "Meow."

You believe me, don't you?

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