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A hilarious song written by Tripod for the Breakfast Show on Australian radio station Triple J. Essentially, it's an amusing acoustic song about recruiting geeks for the Army and how, if the Army is becoming more modern and technological then they'll need more geeks to join up to operate them fancy robot things. This song is also available for download from the Triple J website (http://triplej.abc.net.au) by going to the Grab Bag in the Breakfast Show section.

Lyrics:

[Spoken]
Joining today's modern Defence Force is hard enough. First you have to choose. Navy, Air Force, Army, Kiss Army, Salvation Army, Army Of Darkness. But even once you're chosen, you have to make the grade.

I'm way too skinny for the Army
Way too slender for the job
What can I do if my country
doesn't want me 'cause my talents
only stretch to mini golf?

I'm way too unco for the Army
All that running through car tyres
I guess that would come in handy if
you invaded a country
whose terrain was all car tyres

But I'm skinny and I'm clever
maybe now more than ever
The technology has caught up with me
If wars have gone all electronic
I can fight them with my joystick
As long as they bring pizza to me
Then I could be in the Army!

It's not tricky to imagine
Me in a bunker at a screen
Controlling reconnaisance robots
Maybe mind-detecting robots
Even robots who run through tyres

But I'm skinny and I'm clever
maybe now more than ever
The technology has caught up with me
If wars have gone all electronic
I can fight them with my joystick
While watching McCloud's Daughters on TV
Then I could be in the Army!

I was never good at Pacman
But at Defender I'd light up the skies
I was never good at Frogger
It's much too much like hopping over tyres
And if I don't get in the Army
I could become an evil mastermind
Live in an underwater tower
And wearing shiny skivvies all the time
That would be fine

But I'm skinny and I'm clever
maybe now more than ever
The technology has caught up with me
If wars have gone all electronic
I can fight them with my joystick
As long as they bring pizza to me
Then I could be in the Army!

Glossary:

Some of the words may confuse non-Australian Everythingians, so explainations are given here.

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