So I passed level 6 today without having had submitted any substantial write-ups for at least six months. This came as a surprise, since I haven't really done much since I graduated college. Back then, I had so much to write about. I was putting out a steady write-up or two a week. I was studying my obsession, and loving every minute of it. It's easy to write when you're obsessed with something. It's hard to write when you're obsessed with something, and you know it's just the same stuff you've been writing up for the past year and you know it.
I've been obsessed a lot less with human evolution and biology lately, which is why I haven't been writing about it. I'm more obsessed with the future than the past these days, and it's hard to write about the future without coming off as either naive or apocalyptic. The person I was when I started writing is not the person I am now. I don't know how to represent myself anymore. For a while, I didn't write at all, because I was tired of sitting around looking like a writer. I am not a writer. I'm not even an aspiring writer. I used to aspire to be an aspiring writer, but then I got tired of that, too.
I look back on my old write-ups, and there's an energy and optimism there that I have since dismissed as naive. I don't like how I dismiss my past selves so easily. It feels like I'm beating up on a little brother that I love dearly, but don't know how to show it.
I want to write again, but I don't make promises I can't keep.