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One of the things you discover after spending copious amounts of time pitter pattering around on this planet is that people like you need people like me to feel better about people like them. You understand? Good. I knew you were smart and cute. Tee hee.

Hi, I'm Dr. Peter Swilling, psychiatrist possessed by his patient, one Berhardt Illych Goats (Friend Behr).

One of the things I hate most about making love to people like you is the smell of your kind. Hygiene is something you might want to look into. I have brochures in my office. Call for an appointment.

How are you today? Got any GROWTHS on your BODY? That could also be a hygiene problem. Brochures in office. Available. I can look at them WITH you as in OVER YOUR SHOULDER I WILL STAND while you read brochures on PERSONAL HYGIENE. Understood? Good. I was clear. I like when I am clear because then you CANNOT fuck with me. I won't be fucked with. Not one iota. I gu-RUN-tee it (as the Cajun gentleman used to say).

I'd like to have a fist fight with you at the next nodermeet. Look for me. I'll be wearing the Sherlock Holmes hat. Say hello. Fight me. I am a sixty-year-old discredited psychiatrist possessed by the dark soul of Friend Behr. You think you have a chance? AGAINST ME? I piffle at you. Questionably. Like you, I do a lot of things in a questionable way. Why do you ask?

I think we've established some parameters today. Good for us. Stay inside LINES now.

I don't want any of you people coming over to my house to fuck with me. Call ahead for appointment. I will not answer the door unless I am expecting you. Nervous Nelly inside. Due to the threats I've made against many, many people since becoming possessed. And brutal murder. Brutal.

Why don't we talk about YOUR parameters? I could sit in your kitchen WITH YOU and drink coffee while your spouse or main squeeze looks on UPSET BEYOND ALL BELIEF AT WHAT IS TRANSPIRING. We can only imagine. The consternation. It is affable. Take a shit on your floor. Then what are you going to do? A whole lot of nothing. You will kneel and CLEAN UP THE SHIT. I will NOT be held responsible. I know my rights.

Been a lot of information in the news. I have a radio. Listen in from time to time. Like a total creeper. A creeper on the news. Something else. Definitely that. Definitely. Not a lick of doubt.

Have you any doubts about yourself? Self-image problems? Contact me for an appointment. Psychiatrist.

I have some chemicals to attend to now. Love you.

Medically yours,

Dr. Peter Swilling

PS: I will be in my medical van coming around to your neighborhood soon. Listen for the horn. Come out and be helped by a very stable psychiatrist with 40 years experience. Thank you.

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