display | more...

Today is:

New style (Gregorian): 7 August 2000
Old style (Julian): 25 July 2000 C.E.
Fixed:
730339 R.D.
Astronomical (at noon):
2451764  j.d.
ISO:
Monday, Week 32, Year 2000
Coptic:
1 Misra 1716 A.M.
Ethiopic:
1 Nahase 1992 E.E.
Islamic (until sunset):
6 Jumada I 1421 A.H.
Persian:
17 Mordad 1379 A.P.
Baha'i (until sunset):
Kalim'at Kam'al, B'ab of V'ahid 9, Kull-i-Shay 1 B.E.
Hebrew (until sunset):
6 Av 5760 A.M.
Chinese:
cycle 78, year Geng-chen, month 7, day 8
Hindu Lunar (from sunrise):
8 Sravana 2057 V.E.
Hindu Solar (from sunrise):
22 Karka 1922 S.E.
French:
Decade II, Decadi de Thermidor de l'Annee 208 de la Revolution
Mayan (long count):
12.19.7.8.1

Everything Day Logs
Yesterday | Tomorrow

Everything Snapshot

Time: Mon, 7 Aug 2000 00:03:03 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) Debian/GNU mod_perl/1.21_03-dev
Number of nodes: 641532 (695 new since August 6, 2000)
Number of users: 17576 (17 new since August 6, 2000)
Number of links: 2805421 (13269 new since August 6, 2000)

Node to user ratio: 36.500 nodes per user
Link to node ratio: 4.373 links per node
Link to user ratio: 159.617 links per user

New Nodes: [Alita] [Add a writeup here if you DIDN'T go to your high school prom] [Sunday afternoon and Rainer Maria Rilke] [intellectual relief] [Monotremata] [Mother Sauces] [E2 nuke request] [A Clash of Kings] [Add a writeup here if you DIDN'T go to your high school prom] [Tribble] [Why do we judge?] [grocery store time pause] [August 6, 2000] [Epigram] [grocery store time pause]

Users Online (36): [sensei] [Deborah909] [jessicapierce] [Templeton] [Uberfetus] [ophie] [kenata] [eric+] [ShadowLost] [dragoon] [deep thought] [birdonmyshoulder*] [renster] [Fruan] [pealco] [Well, maybe] [burnboy] [Tabs] [holloway] [ZamZ] [chinoodle] [Katyana] [Eos] [Gorgonzola] [hackthemainframe] [SophiesCat] [Tarquinious] [GSpot] [Roadmaker] [elfmagi] [Professor Clingerman] [KetsuYa] [Kushu] [fmaurer] [core10k] [PinkPenguin]

JeffMagnus node count: 4018 (1 new since August 6, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience: 9270 (16 more since August 6, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 2.307 XP per node
JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.627%
JeffMagnus node of the day: Microsoft

Yesterday I woke up early thinking what a weird and ornate dream I had just had. I went to the computer to node the dream, but I found I'd left Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri running. By the time I shook my attention away from building a new civilization, I'd forgotten the dream.

I went to Sweetwater Organic Community Farm and helped move heavy things. The first task was moving a canoe rack several feet to the left by removing the canoes, removing the crossbeams from the telephone pole segments embedded in the ground, reattaching the crossbeams with the cantilevered portion a few feet to the left, and putting the canoes back up again.

Later I helped move medium-sized rocks (I'd say somewhere around 400 pounds each, based on the force I had to put on the lever and how far the lever -- a hollow metal pole -- bent). We hauled them a dozen yards or so to help support the bridge that had washed out.

Then I came back and didn't do any laundry, meaning that I have to take my laundry to work and do it when I get off. The laundromat near work has an extractor that spins out a hell of a lot of water from the clean wet clothing before it goes into the dryer. I'd never seen one in any other coin laundry, so I was skeptical, but it's definitely worth 50 cents.

Today's projects include finishing the installation of Mandrake Linux on a machine I brought from home; I'm hoping to put phpSlash on it and develop a prototype for a new service we can provide for libraries: a site devoted to book reviews provided by library staff and patrons. I need a good name for it, but for now I'm just naming the machine "books".

Update: Missed the Snapshot again! I will one day make it on time! Missed it by about half an hour. I would have made it in time if I didn't spend 45 minutes sticking bottles in the return machine. But then again, I wouldn't have. I needed the money for gas!

I have been noding about my recent encounters with the famous. It was actually kind of funny to watch the younger girls' faces as they caught just a glimpse of the Nsync members. Some of them actually cried. It didn't even phase me in the slightest when I was close enough to shake their hands. It doesn't really seem fair does it? Imagine being such a huge fan that just catching a glimpse of their sleive as they turn a corner makes you cry? And here is this old chick that barely even cares gets to shake hands with him? These thoughts made me begin to search my mind to find someone, anyone, who would make me cry if I had the chance to meet them. I could only think of one person and that is Melissa Etheridge. But I woudln't cry for sheer awe of seeing her. I would cry because of the intensity of emotion in which she sings. Her voice is so powerful you cannot help but get swept into her intensity. And so many of her songs can rip the heart right out of your chest. One song alone, I Will Never Be The Same, contains so much power as to leave me lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, crying. Look at these words:

naked soul
long lost child
caught in your eyes
lost in your name
secrets of your life
your distant devil
I loved you and then I lost you
I will never be the same



These words, on paper alone, hold power. But to hear them sung in that rich voice is beyond compare.
For some reason, it feels like the only place I could possibly spill my thoughts of present is.. here. I'm sure I could probably wander upstairs and scrawl them in my black book with the beautiful blank pages, but, something seems to suggest that here is the only place where such things belong.

I started this day very well, I think.. riding my bike around a dimly lit driveway, watching.. nothing, absolutely nothing and loving it. I sat there, too, on the cool ground after laying my coat as to not cover my pants completely in moist sand and a sort of dust that normally wouldn't be present under such conditions. It's as if.. it is a dust that can exist only at that one point when the air is damp, so damp that you can feel it, but it also has a warmth about it. I love that.. I think that I live for early morning hours like these.

I've this feeling that the perfect thing to do is just lay my head upon my arm and sit. I've done it many times tonight, because I am tired but it isn't the typical need for rest. My eyes, they're sleepy but not so much that they must be closed. I feel, though, as if I've lost the rigid tense feeling in my body and a head turned completely side ways, looking at the world from some skewed perspective, is the perfect way to be.

I was going to ride down the hill out back.. it's odd how I can see all the way down even though the moonlight has to find its way through some amazing misty fog. In the end, I decided not to bother with going down the hill only because this night looks like winter. Everything looks as if it has a thin layer of snow over it.. and though I am not particularly looking forward to winter, I almost wish there was just that very soft, light, dreamy white stuff laying about. Of course, without the cold.

Though I don't feel like ammending it at present, I've just had this idea for Feature Request for Universe 2.0. I would like to be able to pick and choose the little bits of every season that I love, and when they might happen along. Snow during summer, but just in the littlest bit and with the warm air still around. Spring mixed with fall, opposing seasons but.. would it be a good idea to do something similar to that? I'm not so sure, really, though it would seem a good idea in theory. I might tend to think that the spring thaw would lose its intense appeal if it could happen any time, and I don't think anything would be quite so lovely as it is when it happens at the proper time. But, back to the night, seeing as I've wandered off into some strange area that I'd not previously intended to.. I was almost afraid of the way everything looked. Also, I'm quite sure the bats are out in full force and though they probably wouldn't bother with me, it's a bit eerie to have them swoop past your face incessantly.

It's one a.m., and though I'm not actually that tired, just a bit drowsy, I think that I shall wander off to bed, slip into dreamland and try to find you there.
I wonder if I'm using the daylog as just another place to spill my post-teen agnst.

Screw it ...

Anyway, today was another one of the good days. I actually spent many hours with my roommate today, and we actually even had fun together, for the first time in a long time. We've had our problems lately, mostly that she can't be bothered to hang out with me unless forced or made to feel incredibly guilty. However, her boyfriend is out of town, so she's home for two weeks.

This is both good and bad. Good, because I really do like her and I love spending time with her. Bad, because I know that it's just because he's not here.

But today, we actually had fun. We made muffins, smoked a fair amount of mary jane, shopped for a friend's birthday present, and then watched Charmed. We got to do all of the silly things that nobody else will do with me (like singing "American Pie" at the top of our lungs while grocery shopping - did you know that song is mor than 8 minutes long? Neither did I ...)

I missed her.

Woke up to the news that Sir Alec Guinness has died in hospital. He was 86.

Drove to work, coming within a second of killing myself while overtaking someone. Heart still pumping adrenaline, fingers still trembling.

Today, have a couple of interesting things to node. Also, as I'm at work, I'd better do some work. I have to play with 2 Sun boxen to get some tests working. Easy.

Today is another dump the pump day. Every Monday, not every month as most people think. The BBC Are reporting that as of next Monday, the campain will target only one garage - BP - for increased effectiveness.

My first day log...

I'm feeling surreal today. I'm fighting with my SO again. This is so messed up. I don't understand why we fight. I'll do something, intentionally or not, that irritates her a bit. She'll do or say something mean, and then totally shut up and not talk to me for hours. And even a day later, even if it's totally obvious that she shouldn't have done/said what she did, she refuses to apologize.

I don't understand that inability to apologize. I think I've gotten two sincere apologies from her in the year and a half long courtship we've had so far. We've had far more arguments than that. Unfortunately, I need closure. So I pester her about it, trying to get things resolved. But every time I do, she just gets more adamant and resolved to not talk about it. ESPECIALLY if I'm in the right. I can understand what's happening from a psychological perspective here, I just don't know what to do. Having her mad at me for a week until she calms down is sheer hell. Even though she doesn't have a constant level of irritation, it will continually resurface at bad times for a week.

And things are certainly not made easier by the fact that she's pregnant and going through living hell as her emotions go crazy and her body changes. I want things resolved, and I feel bad about needing that resolution. Exacerbating the problem is it's so hard to get her to talk... Ending about a month or so ago, we'd been having fights almost every day, for a month. What finally ended it was a huge fight where I finally got her to get past all of this petty crap that she keeps getting upset about, and talk about what was really bothering her. I was fearing the worst. Guess what it was? She was jealous because my job allows me to be flexible in my hours and even work from home occasionally. ??? So, we compromised, and I don't go in to work late any more except after a crunch time. The change in her behavior was so immediate and dramatic that I'm still in awe. Now it seems like we're having another slip back into argumentative mode... <sigh> How long before I can get her to talk about it this time?

Other general info... I'm rediscovering the music of my childhood. Leonard Rosenman's soundtrack to the animated motion picture Lord of the Rings. The Fellowship of the Ring was one of the first books I ever read, mostly because of this movie. I don't really remember my parents' taking me to the drive-in to see it at a very early age, but they love telling me about it. Apparently, I was absorbed by the movie. When Gandalf died, I started bawling, and when he reappeared later on I was jumping up and down screaming in joy. I can't help that the upcoming LOTR movie by Peter Jackson is too exciting for safety. I know I'll end up disappointed. I'm hoping for too much...

I think my general state of mind right now is a state of just-submerged fear. I'm afraid of what may happen to my relationship right now, particularly that a child is right around the corner. I'm nervous about the condition of the baby because my lover was taking some pretty serious migraine medication when we discovered she was pregnant. I'm afraid of the fact that my company dissolved the division I worked for, and I've been reassigned to a new area. I don't want to work in this new field, but I have to support my family. I'm afraid of the medical problems I've been having. I'm afraid of letting my fears run my life. I'm surpressing them, as much as possible. Is this wise? Do I have a choice?

But, I try to stay cheerful. It's too easy for me to slip into a downward spiral, and I've been there, done that. Not to mention that my lover certainly doesn't need that to deal with right now. Plus, my financial stability depends on impressing a lot of new people right now, so I can't really let anything get to me. Hehehe, this will probably end up being one of the points in my life I look back at as a low-stress period, if this progression continues. :)
12:52 EET

*yawn*

I Only got between 4 and 5 hours of sleep last night. No idea on why this happened, maybe because of the sweaty temperature. So here I am again, in a zombie-like state at the office.
Surprisingly, I have managed to do reasonable amounts of both noding and working. Perhaps the weariness provides me improved concentration, since I don't have the energy to do 5 different things simultaneously? Normally I'm one of those people who just has to read while eating, watch TV while 3D-modeling, listen to music when doing just about anything that doesn't involve sound... You get the idea.

It's time for lunch. I think I'll check if the local cafe has any good salads. If not, it's junk food once again.


15:06 EET

The salads didn't look that tempting, so I got a french bread filled with ham and stuff. Nice. Tomorrow I'll prob'ly try a panini, since they look much more delicious.

The bosses seized my workstation to demonstrate some new project to potential customers. This means I had to just stand around for half an hour. And now it's past 15 already, and I'll leave shortly. What a productive workday, once again.


18:03 EET

I recieved word that my Arabuusimiehet posters are on their way from Helsinki. Joy! Designing the Arabuusimiehet shirt is being started again too. So if you spot some guy with The Holy Blue Watermelon and some weird slogan written in kanji on his shirt, say hi. It might be me. :)

The rest of the family has escaped to Tampere, apparently my parents gave in to my sister, who kept whining about visiting a theme park. I won't complain, because this means a few hours of peace around here. Time to start up Lightwave and get my hands on some polygons.


To be continued...


Today's Writeups:
  • ADBSSR
  • Jenna Jameson
  • Korg EX-800
  • Korg Poly-800
  • Korg Poly-800 mk II
  • Korg VC-10

    Nodekeeping:
  • Finland Metanode
  • Korg
  • This morning I listened to a CD that a Brazilian friend of mine gave me. It's Antonio Brasileiro by Antonio Carlos Jobim, light and frothy Bossa Nova and Samba.
    Só danço samba, vai, vai, vai, vai, vai
    Looking at the sleeve notes with a cheesy picture of Ipanema beach looking up to Dois Irmãos brings back lots of memories of the time I was in Rio de Janeiro, a beautiful and vibrant place.

    Of course there is violence bred from poverty and terrible pollution there too. I can remember being stuck in one of the huge tunnels that cut through the hills and inhaling this queasy alcoholic smell (the cars are fuelled by alcohol). I also remember being pretty frightened one time when I was downtown at night after listening to Mozart performed by a German choir. On the bus going back we were stopped at a road-block and these guys who looked like bandits came onto the bus. They had cartridge belts draped over their shoulders and they looked like they were dying to shoot someone. Anyhow, it turns out they were police! Like police everywhere they seemed to be racists and they searched this big black guy who was sitting next to me on the bus.

    I had a lot of fun in Rio too, walking along the beaches at Ipanema and Copacabana at night, buying this fantastic bread from the local bakery with my halting Portuguese. Imagine a city that has a rain forest in its centre. Heh! I want to go back.


    Yesterday, Tomorrow
    At work, already finished the things I didn't do Friday afternoon.
    I didn't do them because my new PC is here. It has a full tower case! It is huge. I have never sat at a desk that it could fit under. It has 6 (!) expansion bays in the front, two HDD bays on top and two in the middle. It came with two case fans, one sucking low and one blowing high, and a power supply with a fan plus a redundant fan in it as well. It also has three more cages to put fams in.

    I am so stoked. 50x CD-ROM. 8x/4x/32x CD-RW. 20GB 7200RPM HDD.

    It's too bad I have to wait for this weekend to drive down and take it home. I am not carrying that beast on the subway.

    My SO has a yeast infection from the pennicillin she is on. I feel really bad because I know she is really uncomfortable and can't do anything about it until she is off the medication.

    Work
    Crime Stats website today: Must re-do database, finish CFML code for queries, results. Tracking? What are people looking at, maybe? I will see if they want it. Shouldn't be to hard...

    Hello August 7 2000 - you are indeed going to be a day of weirdness, sadness and emotional confusion.

    Having just returned to London from an ill advised 'mates' holiday in Newquay (Cornwall, England) I awoke to the unusual feeling of not being incredibly hung-over and my mouth feeling like a mouth rather than the inside of a budgies cage. Also, being in my own house rather than a two-bit guest house, I was able to enjoy proper bathroom facilities rather than 'going for a McShit'

    Being still on holiday from work however I was careful to leave my car in a non-residents parking space to avoid ANOTHER parking fine (see July 28, 2000). The extra sleep afforded me by the day off (8am-11am) was filled with horrifying sweat-inducing dreams (contents personal).

    The main reason for my anxiety at the moment is the extremely imminent departure to foreign clines of my former partner and current very close friend. I'm aware I gave this topic some dissection on August 5, 2000 so forgive me if I repeat myself.

    I'm due to meet her in an hour to help her with various 'leaving the country tasks' such as buying a sofa for the newly installed tenant of her flat, dropping off boxes of personal items to her Grandma's house for safekeeping, changing currency etc etc etc.

    I'm not really sure how i'll function without her around - I've always been able to rely on her for just about anything and it has to be said that she's been there for me more consistently than i've been there for her. It might sound a bit big-headed but since we split up 2 years ago, I could have won her back without too much trouble but never really 'went there' as I always had designs on others and felt that as we had been together for so long and from such a young age that I needed a little more visceral experience.

    Well, I've certainly had that!. Did it make me happy?

    not in the least!

    .

    Now, I realise this is beginning to sound like me copping out, not wanting to be left alone and wishing I'd stayed with her. I can't deny that there is an element of that in my whinging but I figure that;

    1) She deserves better that me
    2) She's finally getting over me (which is a good thing)
    3) I'm only 26 so I'm not on the shelf just yet (can't wait for my entry on daylog August 7, 2006!)

    The day will continue to get weirder after the moving stuff around dust has settled and we get back to my flat for dinner (the last supper)etc, memories are relived, tears flow etc and then we have to share the same bed due to the fact that her flat has been rented out as of this morning.

    In times gone by, sharing a bed with her would have been a prospect that I relished but I fear that today it will be a very confusing, sad affair for both of us.

    More tears, more hugs, more memories.

    Then she's gone......

    Yesterday I came in to work, didn't do much of that but wrote a node, Why I'm at the office on a Sunday.

    So here I am, it's Monday, I have a shitload of work to do, and I want to die.

    As usual, I'm bitching about this job I have, which I probably could do, and probably would like, if I had chosen it for myself.

    My sister tells me:
    'You can do the job.'
    I cry and tell her,
    But I cant do the person

    And am at a loss to describe any further.
    She is one of the people I am acting this farce for, one of the people I hide from.

    I should blow them all off and start finding out what I want, but I'm not ready to risk everything, lose it all.
    I'm not seeking to throw it all away but to find my balance within the framework.

    I am dying slowly, or conversly, I am simmering internally, and it's only a matter of time, (how much?) until I blow, or expire.

    And now, I turn back to the task I have in front of me.
    I am not going to lose it this week, I am going on vacation on Sunday, that's just 5 more workdays to get through, one more week of family to talk to, one more week of farce to live, until I take a break...

    monday morning

    well, saturday or sunday i was supposed to get a call from the doctor. her suspicion is that i have a stone or scar tissue remaining in the bile duct causing pain worse than the gallbladder attacks i had which necessitated surgery in the first place. friday was excruciating. i went to the emergency clinic and their first initial concern was that my pulse was 120 despite a blood pressure that was normal (100/80). as the pain eased, so did my pulse. the second time the doc checked it i was at a comfortable 70. while the pain is present i get so hot and sweaty -- that also eases with the pain. the doc took blood, letting me know that the tests she was going to perform may indicate a gallstone or scar tissue, but that if it comes up negative it doesn't mean there's no stone. ugh. i don't want to go through this all over again. this morning i was hoping that maybe the doc had called my work number and left a message there about the result, but no such luck.

    so nervously i wait.

    coffee, coffee, coffee.

    the weekend was fun. friday, the man insisted we get a hand-crank ice cream maker, but after hitting more than 10 stores we had only found electric ice cream makers which use no ice... instead the metal drum must be frozen overnight. finally we found the closest we were gunna get. a bucket-type ice cream maker with an electric motor. we found it at walmart, in the toy section. we took it home, made some ice cream, and had a midnight barbeque.

    saturday evening was a night of sushi gluttony.

    sunday, despite the forcasters prediction of a wonderful weekend, was rainy. very. sunday i headed back to maryland, singing along with the cd that the man made for me. then i slept most of the day.

    now it's the start of another week. i'll keep ya posted...

    monday afternoon

    still no word from the doc. despite all the weird gallbladder crap going on, i'm in pretty high spirits.

    i feel the results of the verison strikes. i cannot get through to 411. ah well. i found a way around it.

    more storms coming. of course. this is the summer for non-stop rain, it seems. the power is going on and off. thunder is loud, lightning is cool, but the rain hasn't actually started falling yet. any minute now, though.

    Whoah

    For a Monday morning, this ain't half bad.

    I've already completely forgotten how hot it's supposed to be outside for the next 2-3 days. I've forgotten about how much shit I've almost gotten myself into at work. I've forgotten that I need to revise my schedule to include all the classes I really need.

    All I can think about is getting on the road today at 4:00, and heading home, with the wind from the air conditioner in my hair.

    9:18 AM EST - It's amazing the differnece between DRIVING and taking public transportation to work. I woke up an hour later than I usually do, and got into work at the same time. Even had time to browse the web for no apparent reason this morning before I left. Plenty of sleep, little work (woohoo!), boy this day's turning out great. I might just put on my headphones and listen to music till the day's finally over, or I get stuck on an assignment (I think I hear my boss coming... no wait, false alarm).

    Unfortunately, entropy sets in. Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold. I know that having a car is but a temporary state. I know that I will be faced with reality once again in a few short weeks. I realize that if I don't buckle down this term, I'm gonna slip (with my GPA, people would think that it'd be nigh impossible to slip up, but I've proven such people wrong before). The drive to further my education is slipping from my being.

    But for now, I don't care. I'll sit here at work, waiting until 4:00 until I can get out of here, and experience life at it's best.

    My experimentations with the new machine continue. I put a cool Sabrina Online picture to the display background (Yes, world, onna Win98 desktop ::evil grin::) and went on...

    Machine: Bad things that have turned out

    • The chassis has four screws that hold it on place. My old machine needed one, dammit. =)
    • This thing doesn't have an ISA slot anyway. Hooray! Gulp. I mean, It's a good thing that the Behemoth has been Slain, and all Remnants of this Beast have been eradictated, but I have one ISA card that I absolutely, positively, do need. HardSID. Well, I will either get their nifty parallel port interface thing - or buy an old Pentium for Jukebox use. Or just tell my mother to buy a new machine for her. Or give my older Commodore 64 for her. =)
    • The board slot covers were molded or something. I mean, as if the manufacturer would have thought "No one will use these slots anyway". It took severe amount of work to remove the covers, and there's probably no way to put it back. Also, there were no extra screws. Hmph.
    • DIMM installation, a small procedure, took severe amount of work! Tight slots...
    • Every piece of iron in this machine - from processor daughterboard to power source - have "Warranty void if removed" sticker on them. Yes, even the 56K modem. Damn, since the computer hardware is extremely durable these days, I'll probably need to sacrifice free service over speed... =)
    • Win98 crashed today the first time. I just opened my directory in VCL, and it just freezed. Is this what they call "deep browser/os integration" at Microsoft? =)

    Machine: Good things that have turned out

    • The Pinnacle Studio PCTV card - BT848 based card, so it should work in Linux - werks perfectly! And that's cool! I recorded a clip of Moomin and the "Badding" movie trailer and it turned them to MPEG. Übercool.

    Other day logs o' mine...

    Well it happened, after 4 months of living together, my girlfriend and I have finally called it off.

    Is this a bad thing?
    No. This has been a longtime coming, we both knew it, but we've been trying to live like 'normal' people, trying to hide the fact that we were completely dissatisfied with each other. Our friends knew before we did, good friends can always tell when something is wrong.

    What else could go wrong?
    Well not only did I lose a girlfriend but I may have lost an old friend. Paul a buddy of mine since freshmen year in highschool, has not exactly been what you would call a choice friend. He's many times stolen or moved in immediately after one of my relationships and picked up where I've left off. It seems this is yet another one of those times. When I went to sleep in my room last night, Paul was already asleep in my ex's bed, she climbed right in next to him, and went to sleep. Now I don't know for sure that something is going on, but given his record, and knowing first hand that she HAS TO HAVE SEX CONSTANTLY, I get the idea.

    So what now?
    Well, I'm no longer bound to Nacogdoches, I can go wherever the hell I want. I was thinking of finally getting down to Austin, or up to Amarillo, but my options are not limited to that. I also have considered taking some money out of the bank and just wandering around America. Buy a laptop, put my mountain bike in the truck and drive. It's time to do something different, hey if y'all've got any ideas, shout em' out.

    So who's sleeping where?
    I don't know really know what to do right now, she's sleeping in her bedrrom, but Paul was scheduled to be our 3rd roommate. Where will he sleep now that both rooms are in use? Well if you've read the whole novel here, you can figure that out, as I have. I am sleeping in my bed alone, with my cat, so I'm not completely lonely.

    Life's tough and the world sucks sometimes. I'll be ok, I was over this breakup in record time, due to our last three weeks of hell, but there's still a hole to be filled.

    Tossing and turning until maybe 1:30-2AM, then called in late to work. I can’t take a full day off, too much going on (as usual) this week; but catching up on a little sleep seemed more important than the morning at the factory, so ~7 I call in to say I'll be late. Then I slip back into dreamland...
    I wake again ~9:30, call in to say I’ll be there by 12, boss finds it necessary to remind me of all that’s going on. With the brief disorientation of recovery from disturbed sleep, I feel a pang of desperation: I miss Florida, can’t I just run away?
    Given my druthers, I’d take the day off to wallow in this grass-is-greener frustration, indulge this hysterical paralysis of will. I think I need to plan a vacation. A couple of phrases come to haunt me – "whatever you believe will seem to be true", and something about self-deception. I better sleep well tonight...

    Hello daylog. How are you?

    I feel slightly embarassed writing this daylog because it makes my previous null and void, but who cares. My adventures in indecisiveness might provide some entertainment, or at the very least.... nothing.

    But why am I worrying about what the daylog thinks of me, anyways???

    Whoo.

    Alright. Well, it seems that we are going to give it a shot; the potential for good just outweighed the bad. And YES, it's kind of stupid, but it feels right, and, despite the contrary, I think that it's time to make a decision that's not rational and adult. I want to make a decision to not throw something happy away just to avoid future hurt.

    So that's what I'm doing.

    Other happenings:

    My friend david from Ann Arbor was down visiting this past weekend; Sunday we had an adventure through south-side Chicago navigating the closed down streets in order to get him to the train station on time. It felt very much like a movie, going 60mph through downtown streets trying to beat a deadline.

    David clued me into a new album which I promptly bought; Tricky, DJ Muggs, and Grease on the album Juxtapose. QUITE fantastic.

    A well-awake day at work; got a good 7hrs last night.

    Factgirl's fact of the day:

    Know your nose:

    Your nose makes nearly a cupful of snot every day.

    When you inhale air through your nose, it contains lots of tiny particles, like dust, dirt, germs, and pollen. Snot works by trapping the particles and keeping them in the nose.

    After these particles get stuck inside the nose, the mucus surrounds them along with some of the tiny hairs inside the nose called cilia. The mucus dries around the particles. When the particles and dried-out mucus clump together, you're left with a booger!

    Boogers can be squishy and slimy or tough and crumbly. Boogers are a sign that your nose is working properly.

    -it's a fact

    Sources: How Does Aspirin Find a Headache : An Imponderables Book by David Feldman
                   Yucky.com - Snot and Boogers

    Is it just me or do Mondays suck most all of the time? My Sunday (which coicidently also sucked majorly) ended at 2 a.m. this morning or thereabouts at least that's when I tried to end it. (wide awake for at least 2 more hours)Awake to loud music at 6 a.m. Being a good lil wife I'd set the alarm for hubby whom I assumed had forgoten to do. (was rather proud of myself for doing so considering I was fairly drunk when I didand was amazed I had the clarity of mind to be helpful...) Hubby was not glad I did though and immediately bitched me out for doing thus. Then wanted to continue to fight (at 6 am I'll fight over anything)I did succeed in pissing him off enough to make him get out of bed though. hehe Yay for me I got almost another hour of peace and quiet out of that one...Ugh the hubby is home sick today. Is killing yer spouse a bad thing if they're driving you up the walls of the crazy bin? hmmm "here hunny have some nice rat poisen tea.." well ok that might be a bit drastic so I won't, but it sounded good didn't it? Less then 3 days left of having this torturous cast on, hurray for an ending of bad era.
    I think I could go on for hours on this day log thing today it's just ONE OF THOSE DAYS. Know what I mean?

    Yesterday | Dizzy->Day_Logs() | Tomorrow


    Oh, Poo

    No sooner do I decide to write a happy daylog and complain about my angst filled nodes (yesterday's to be exact) than I wake up with a massive attack of agorophobia

    It may be hard to explain agorophobia to someone who hasn't suffered from it. Imagine the anxiety before going for a job interview plus taking an exam plus getting married plus watching a loved one have open heart surgery...

    Today, I felt that when I tried to open my front door. I couldn't breathe, and walking down my front steps was out of the question. I plucked up enough courage to phone in sick today, citing a migraine as the reason. It's very silly running around and closing the curtains because you don't want to see outside.

    The E2 London Picnic is slowly taking shape; personally, I can't wait to meet some of these noder-dudes :-) (It's strange, but I feel more relaxed about taking a train up to London and meeting up with a load of "strangers", than I do about going shopping or getting to work...

    It’s Monday.

    But you know what? Its not a bad day!

    Human resources at my dad’s company called me today and want me to come in for an interview. So, I have an interview tomorrow! I have to brush up on NT server tonight since my dad warned me they might ask some questions about it. I am stoked. I spent most of the weekend formulating a financial plan to get out of here, and now I might not need it if I’m lucky.

    That’s the big news... let’s hope things go well tomorrow. The rest of the day was a big old waste of time. Too much work.

    Nodes That I Wrote Today:
    none

    CD’s I’ve Listened To Today:
    none

    Today’s Horoscope on my Calendar - Two pathways to follow – work and play. Venus in Virgo emphasizes the need for order and clarity on the job. Mercury in Leo opens your childlike heart and reminds you to play games to relieve stress. Say no to extreme behavior.

    With that said, I think tonight I will play some hardcore Dungeon Keeper in the most extreme way possible... perhaps drunk and naked? Yeah, I’m sure the neighbors would love to see that since I usually leave the living room curtains open, and that’s where the computer is.

    At home with my three-year-old daughter. She was driving me crazy because I wanted so desperately to sleep. Then she said, "I want to get a video. I want some ice cream. I want to go to the lake." So I thought, what the hell. At least it would tire her out.

    So we go to the video store. She immediately makes her selection. We go for the ice cream. She takes a multicolored popsicle. We are driving to the lake. She's very quiet. I ask, "How are you doing?" She replies in a serious voice, "Much better."

    We take a new path down to the lake, and it turns out there's lots of star thistle, which hurts her ankles, so I lift her to my shoulders. It's so hot that her popsicle is dripping on my head. Someone tells me my hair is covered with blue. I wasn't going to swim, but now I have to.

    Lots of people at the lake. Lots of fun. I come back tired, but not sleepy tired like before. It's the good tired that you get after physical activity.

    With my really crappy graveyard job working monday night to friday night, the only real benefit is having Monday afternoons to relax, read a book, try to do some writing. Since we moved a couple months ago, it's been difficult finding a place to chill out away from home. Back in Soho, there were a myriad coffeeshops and a nice park to go to. Coffee to guzzle, people to watch, and near to home. I was really spoiled living there. Here in Whitechapel, I haven't really had to chance to find anything. There's a couple of nice coffeeshops about fifteen minutes walk. one with lots of windows and many electronic toys to play with, and damn good coffee. the other is all groovy relax pad: lots of sofas, chairs, cushions, nice music but a bit too cavish for reading and writing; it's more a people watching place.

    But i finally found a place on Whitechapel Street. It's more a cafe, a hole in the wall, but there salsa music playing and decent coffee, and i can distract myself watching people walk by on the street. Today I helped a man decipher the hell that is known as Uk phone number prefixes. He'd been given the old 0171 prefix, when they'd been all changed months ago. now it 0207, except when you're in the 0207 area, then you dial just 7. Which is pretty damn annoying. It's all been done to allow for more mobile phone numbers.

    I settled into my book, (The Snow Leopard by Peter Mattheison) letting the ice melt in my coffee, when i noticed the tattoo on the neck of a woman sitting at the table outside the front window. She was with three otheres, in a business meeting, and written on her neck was the word AT, in grey swipe lettering. I wondered why this word, and was glad it wasn't the @ symbol; that would have just been too pretentious.

    I delved back into a mystic tale of travels through the Himalayas to watch blue sheep in the hope of glimpsing a snow leopard. I looked up at a pause in my reading and say the word had changed to OZ. Her Tattoo had changed! I suddenly felt all hot and bothered: was this? no, It couldn't... had LCD tattoos finally really moved to the mainstream? Could she display any two letters in that space on her neck? I'd heard of them, being developed for medical purposes so that people with various conditions didn't have to have the metal ID bracelet on them. They would be powered by the human body, and contain a limited amount of information, but certainly enough to pass on allergic conditions, epileptic problems and more.

    She shifted, and the word MORE appeared. She was sitting in the sun, which reflected the words TOZA, a brand of tea, onto her neck. The rest of the window was filled with more words advertising the wares of the cafe i was in. I felt a rush of embarrassment and disappointment. But, for a moment, I had believed.

    Monday happened very quickly today. I, like some others who shall remain nameless, spent this past weekend in the beautiful city of Vancouver BC. I went there with many motives, but the primary was to explore, to enjoy, and by God to be in another country again. I love America, It is everything and nothing, but Canada is refreshing, and considerably less arrogant.. If BC only had a better High Tech industry, and if the Canadian dollar was worth more than about 65 cents of the yank dollar, I'd be there a lot more often. But they don't, and it isn't, and they even call it a Uni (I think) as they don't really like even thinking about such small sums of money as dollars which aren't even worth a dollar. Of course the NZ dollar is even less than that, but heck, NZ is 1/20th the size of Canada. Get your economy together folks! I'm counting on you!

    So anyway, I had a lovely time with a fellow noder, strolled and people watched and even got in a little programming. Great weekend. Only problem is, I am now spoiled for the rest of the week. I have this deep simmering disgust of work today. One that I merely accepted last week as due course, now bores me. I will do anything to avoid sitting here, but I can't, I haven't any time, so I am just sort of sitting here, programming, loading my rio, not getting anything done. Ya see, I have to go back to the armpit of the universe again, Silicon Valley. Where individuality goes to die. At 5 am tomorrow.

    But hey, it's frequent flier miles, and this time I get to stay in Santa Cruz, which I am told is the happenin' nerd town, I will duely report when I return.

    Yeesh, my node's way at the bottom. Hope you didn't load the whole daylog for August 7th just to read mine.

    Anyway, I've decided that from now on, the only nodes I write while I'm peaking are going to be daylogs. I had no choice but to nuke 2 of the 3 write-ups I did last time, because they were just so ridiulous. Maybe later, if I'm feeling especially coherent.

    So, I've been thinking I should get this one friend of mine to toke sometime in the near future. I suggested it to her briefly a couple nights ago, and quelled her fears of being drug-tested using the hair method; she was unaware that the hair test costs a few hundred dollars, it seems. I informed her that they always do the urine test first, and then if you fail that, and you protest, they'll take the hair test if they have that kind of money. And of course, she'll never do something like smoke when she knows a drug test is coming up (and they don't test at her work anyway). Also, although I didn't mention this to her, I'm going to tell her that she shouldn't just start smoking on a regular basis, or let people know that she's toked before, because as soon as some pothead knows that you've been talked into trying weed, they know they can probably get you to do it again. And plus, too much weed in a short amount of time kind of screws up your priorities. If I'm going to get her into this, I'm going to make sure she doesn't start doing it often enough for her to get herself in trouble. There really isn't much of one, but I'm going to be ultra-sure. So there really is no risk; but if I tell her why I don't want her smoking with other people, she'll get the impression that there is a risk that I'm trying to prevent, and won't want to try. I think it'd be really good for her, though, because she's been really upset lately, and thinking about what some people say to her way too seriously; she needs to have a little bit of mellowing out. She's afraid of not being able to control herself or what's going on around her. All she needs to understand is, it's much easier to just not do anything while stoned. You don't hear of people getting killed in car accidents under the influence of weed, do you? And yet as we all know, everybody fuckin smokes weed; what this means is,

    • most people aren't that damn stupid to drive while stoned
    • most people are too lazy to want to drive anyway
    • Those that have toked so many times that they feel their tolerance is down and they're bored with just chilling... they actually have built up some tolerance, and if they're careful enough, they really have no trouble driving high
    Anyway, I've been trying to think up a list of stuff to show her, stuff to have her listen to, to keep her mellow and have it be a cool experience for her. I think I'm going to let one of my dogs in the house after a little while, because he's getting a little old, and is starting to just want somebody to scratch and pet him. After a while, I think I'd also take her outside the house and get her to feed my parent's horses, and pet them for a while. Girls like horses, for whatever reason.

    I had a text file I was filling with songs I have that are happy or mellow, but my comp froze last night before I ever bothered to save it (ok, so I didn't actually have a text file, in the sense of the data being stored on the hard drive anywhere; it was just in RAM, just entered into a notepad window). I'm going to attempt to recall the list in this node:

    Wow, not bad. I think that's most of them, and it really didn't take much effort to think of each one.

    Speaking of things that I've remembered tonight which seemed interesting, I was thinking about the number for my dorm room this semester, how the first time I heard it (***-0385), I thought about how the last four digits seemed familiar for some reason. But I wasn't able to figure out what it was, even over a week later. And I have a pretty good memory as far as remembering numbers goes. As soon as the thought crossed my mind tonight, I remembered that 385 was the number I'd arbitrarily chosen almost a year ago (while high, mind you) as the number of experiences that this asshole I knew from school had gone through in the past summer, while I had only had 19 or so. Shortly after I named a brief piano ditty I'd written over a year earlier 366 (which equals 385 - 19). And so when I saw the name of that song on my winamp playlist, I was suddenly reminded of the significance of the number 385, and thus why my phone number (which ends in 0385) seemed so familiar.

    This is such the shit. I'm used to getting stoned with a few other guys, and having to get back to the bedroom across the house in the middle of the night, or else go bowling or shopping (for food, of course) or out to eat while high. My co-worker is so wise - all he ever does while high is chill. And that's the way it should be. He taught me what parts were best to build a pipe out of some of the stuff lying around at work today. He's been there 3 years, he says. So, he knows where everything's at, and how best to do stuff like that. He and this other dude would just stay back there, spend time every day for a couple weeks building a juka once.

    Hmm, definitely throw Die to LIve by Steve Vai into the mix. It'd be better if I had some music she listens to... maybe I'll tell her to bring a couple cd's.

    She's good to me. She appreciates me. I want to protect her from her demons; I cried the first few times I heard I'll Be Around, and I want to cry every time I hear Tonight, Tonight. I want to be that for her, but I lack the confidence, the suaveness of the world's assholes, and the attractiveness/excitement factor of many other assholes. I have genuine good intent, but that's not good enough, because they lie when they say appearances don't matter, it's what's inside that counts, and I suffer from nice guy complex. I want to pump out these last 20-some write-ups so I can cool nodes like that one. But, I keep writing bad nodes and nuking them, and I keep not having anything to write about besides my double-jointed fingers.

    I suffer from writer's block if I actively try to think of music; it works better to just sit there and get carried away in your thoughts, and sounds and words come to you. Not as well as they'd have you believe, of course. I'm happy to say that Horchata was all written while I was sober, and only a small part was written by using theory, the rest of it I used my guts.

    Been gone for over an hour now... need to do other useful things. All About Eve by Vai I also want to play for her. Maybe track 19 and a couple others off this FF3 disc.

    Have a nice day,
    srkorn

    "I believe in miracles, where're you from, you sexy thing?"

    Singing along with the radio at the top of my lungs, learning how to cook a spaghetti squash, wearing a psychedelic lounge suit from the seventies and silver heels.

    Revelations of the day: Everyone should wear orange polyester pants at least once. People in this country don't drink nearly enough wine, and don't take enough bubble baths.

    wakefulness

    Arose from slumber around 2 or so, missing the breaking of fast yet again. Luckily, food was delivered in the form of a Tommy's burger from the fast food joint. Greasy, and covered with chili and raw onions, but hunger is the best sauce. Reading the news occupied me for a while, then my brothers asked me to play with them. I proceeded to whip them at Mariokart 64 (Well, at least some of the times) for a while. Took off for my doctor's appointment, quickly dealt with, and then we took off for dinner.

    candy

    Food was procured at a Thai restaurant called Original Thai. Not the most creative of names, but the food's good. The two servers were in their twenties or so and sported candy and attractive brightly-colored plastic earrings. Must have been brother and sister, since it's interesting attire for an otherwise traditional place. I waited for the order chatting with my mother outside. The restaurant had a small fountain/waterfall with mint growing from the back, and when she crushed a leaf the scent lingered on the air. The fellow outside patrons were an older gay couple, a man waiting for his girlfriend to get off waitress duty, and an older man with a junky look and the company of a clubster teenage couple. The patrons inside looked far more normal when I glanced through the window from our table near the door. Information about oneself strikes in the strangest places and ways.

    pleasant revelation

    The family ate with Michael, a family friend. He didn't talk much, and we finished dinner pretty quickly. Not bad, but nothing in comparison to the two restaurants I found in Seattle and Portland. Of course, I wasn't dripping with sweat after finishing this food either. Attempts to call my wastrling friends fell through, and Austen's getting a whapping for eating dinner at 8 and still not calling back later. My mother had to return a video to Blockbuster so we'd get back the home-taped one we gave them by accident. Oops. I came along, and so did the bros despite my attempt. I picked up a random anime from the new release section and Friday for kicks. I've seen it once before, but on a small bus screen. While in the store, my mother told the bros that no video games would be brought along on the upcoming vacation. They spent the entire way home trying to convince her otherwise - "Okay, you can buy all this candy or let us take the N64." "Or I can say No to both." "If you don't let us take it, I'll get a sheep testicle fetish." I had to butt in at that point. "Umm, D, fetishes aren't under your conscious control, you can't quite choose like that.... Enjoy your sheep balls!" Then they tried to get their way by recounting disgusting anectodes from the Man Show - I ran as soon as we stopped. Being a pretty oral person, I was chewing on a pin when I started to wonder how closed up my tongue piercing had gotten over the week or so since I took out the barbell. Happily enough, it slipped right in. I suppose the large gauge (10 gauge or about 2.6mm) of the barbell cleared out a semi-permanent channel to a certain extent. I can slip up to about 14 gauge through without problem. Not the worse news in a while, but it still doesn't make up for my early morning excision. My cat just licked a Pokemon. I need to go sleep.

    After coming to Boston last week I am quite depressed about what has happened. In most NORMAL cases I would thing that finding an apartment would be an easy thing to do. In this great city things are quite different. When I get a place here is what I have to do: Come up with 4 months rent before I get to move in! 4 Months. Where does all this come from. Well you have to pay: First Months Rent, Last Months Rent, Security Deposit (One Months Rent), and a Finders Fee!

    The finding fee is to pay the people who find you the apartment because all of the landlords give their listings to certain firms. What the hell is that?!? So I have to pay some company to find me a place because on my own I

    1. Only find Scummy Places or
    2. Am looking at $5000/mo places.
    Now I know I am in a better position than those in the Valley but this is completely WRONG! Not to mention the huge demand in Brighton where I plan to live. I would think the landlord would pay a firm to find tenants. THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS. I have to take a loan just to even get the keys. What is this nation coming to? I love this city.

    Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.