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Your trusted friend Behr has been busy for the past year, involved in a new moneymaking plan that has been kept under wraps for some time due to the secrecy involved in its operational planning. This plan is actually not a new one as I've been working on it since the early 1970s, but at that time DNA testing and human cloning were slow in development because of the stalling tactics of Democrats led by failed 1970s president Jimmy Carter. Thanks to the forthright dedication to science of one-time President For Life George W. Bush things got back on track (despite recent problems with Kenyan strongmen taking over our government).

I have always been a man that stands at attention listening to meetings, or if you wish, a bald man who stands at meetings (unless glare from flourescent lights reflects off friend Behr's bald head and distracts important speakers then friend Behr sits down as to not distract important speakers). Last year I was at one of the important Tea Party rallies I like to attend. I was holding up a big sign with a picture of communist leader Joe Biden on it with devil horns and a devil beard drawn in in order to create positive political change. While I was doing this I was approached by an associate, friend David Yul Brennerman who had helped me develop some highly profitable pyramid shaped financial schemes in the 1980s. Friend David remembered the plan I talked to him about over cognac and oysters on the Cheasapeake Bay back in those heady days of big profits and women who didn't want anything from us. In a half drunken stupor I had talked to him at considerable length about my dream of owning a professional sports team and filling its roster with half-man and half-bear folks that I like to call "Manbears."

Interestingly enough, friend David had some information for me that was like a revelation. He had been talking to some people about a professional hockey team in Buffalo, New York called the Buffalo Sabres that had no fans and no one cared about them at all. They were a bunch of friendless losers (unlike your friend Behr who has many friends and is a winner) who played in an empty stadium every night. They were ripe for the picking like Bing cherries! Believe it or not.

I found a suitable building here in Old Baltimore that would be capable of being filled with ice during hockey season and proceded to buy it with money I have earned by participating in capitalism (try it out some time - I recommend it heartily). Then I contacted owners of sad Buffalo Sabres team and left a message on their answering machine about my readiness to buy the team and move it to Baltimore, Maryland which is where I call home. I also let them know my intention to change the name of the team to the Baltimore Manbears and how I would fill the roster with genetically manipulated half-man and half-bear folks that I like to call "Manbears."

No one will dare score a goal on my team. We are talking about a Stanley Cup dynasty here. And once that is accomplished people will want teams filled with what I like to call "Manbears" in all sports. Can you imagine Walter Payton trying to run one in from the two yard line against a defensive line made up of Manbears? Can you? Sorry, you lose, Manbears win Super Bowl. Game over.

I know I will face heavy resistance to my plans to genetically manipulate human and bear DNA from the government and scientific communities because they have been infiltrated by communists and Democrats (what I like to call Demon-crats) but I will accomplish this goal. Friends here in Old Baltimore can look forward to a winning team for a change. It will be a lot like when Johnny Unitas was in town. And I've even developed a chant for use during games. "Score a goal, hon! Slam him down, hon! We're number one!" It will be thrilling.

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