The phys-ed rope had knots in it for grip, for small fourth-grade feet to clamber up. It is important for your CO-OR-DI-NA-SHUN is what Miss Meany Mack the teacher is telling us. You must climb all the way up. You will not get hurt. LIES I am sure. It must all be LIES.

Tell me you have ever seen anything more pathetic than a terrified nine year old. Please tell me you have ever seen anything funnier than a fat nine year old trying to keep her feet on solid ground, losing her dignity by pleading, thinking she will be able to keep it if she only does not have to climb that rope. This is me, begging.

Please Miss, No. Please No No No. I am not a monkey, Miss Mack. Do not make me climb these things. We both know I am healthy. We both know I can fall to my death on the protective mats below. No Miss Mack, I am not afraid of heights. Okay, so I am. Please do not make me climb up that rope.

We all know I climbed that rope in the end. What do you think.

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