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A friend said, "I have to make a decision about what to do next this week." That brought up this poem, written Solstice 2005. I do not feel that the US culture supports the time spent thinking about/not thinking about "what to do next." For me decisions are often meditative and much of my process is not conscious. It is not always easy to take the time you need.


Between Trapezes


Two and a half years
Between trapezes

Letting go is hard
Enough
But then to hang
Wait for the next
On Faith
When you can't see your way
After a while you aren't
Flying through the air
But falling

Falling
And screaming inside
Free fall
For hours
Days weeks years

In the company of angels
Letting go
Calls the angels
I dream of angels
Falling in a black void

And after a while
You don't want to fall anymore
And you understand
Those who end it
It takes great strength
To hold on to the idea
That it will end.

Two and a half years
And suddenly my hands are solid
Not falling
Swinging

Joy wells up
My mind is freed
From the hard work
Of falling and screaming
And I am swinging in the air
Safe

Color is back
Sensation
Sound
Music
Taste
Food melts in my mouth

Who would not be manic?

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