Ich kann es heute nicht mehr fuer mich behalten, ich muss endlich unter Einsatz meines Lebens an die Oeffentlichkeit gehen, die Menschheit muss aufgeklaert werden ueber DIE BIELEFELD-VERSCHWOERUNG!
I can no longer keep it to myself, my very essence requires that I go public, humanity must know of THE BIELEFELD CONSPIRACY!
Bielefeld is a fictional city, inserted into the world's literature by THEM to cover up THEIR secret. To be honest, I suggest you stop reading this node now. If you do have to read it, for the love of god clear your history,
denn sonst sind Sie auch dran, wenn SIE plötzlich bei Ihnen vor der Tür stehen; und das passiert schneller als man denkt (otherwise your time is up when THEY suddenly appear at your door, and that'll happen sooner than you think!).
What are you talking about?
Ok, ok, I'll clear it up. The Bielefeld Conspiracy is part of German Internet Lore dating back to the mid 1990's. The idea goes that there is a mysterious group: THEM (SIE, IHNEN, etc. in German) that, for reasons unknown, have created a myth of a town called Bielefeld. It is suspected that THEY are, in fact, MOSSAD.
The so-called citizens of Bielefeld have a mixed reaction to this myth, from taking it with a pinch of salt to hatred of the multiple prank calls the newspaper receives each day.
..WHAT? How did this start?
For how long this deception existed we don't know, as THEY control all media (THEY have even managed to build a fake communications network, see http://www.bielefeld.de for the homepage of their propaganda). We do know that the conspiracy was first discovered by Achim Held (Held indeed, German for Hero!) when he realised that nobody actually came from Bielefeld. He published his findings in de.talk.bizarre to try and keep THEM from finding it and getting rid of the evidence before others could learn the truth.
Why would they want to do this?
What exactly Bielefeld is hiding nobody knows for sure as to venture off the Autobahn into the "city" proper would obviously be suicide. THEY would never allow someone who has seen their secrets to escape. Never trust somebody who claims to have been to Bielefeld. They are, in fact, THEY. Despite THEIR censorship, however, some theories persist. The ingenuity of some netizens lead to discussions of B*e*e*e*d or B**l*f*ld. Such complex encipherments are likely never to be cracked by THEIR agents.
The two leading theories are that B*e*e*e*d contains either an alien base or the gateway to the lost city of Atlantis. There has, in recent times, been a strong suggestion that conclusive proof of the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster lies in a bunker in Blfld.
What can I do?
First and foremost, do not read this node. If you know about B*e*e*e*d THEY'll come for you. Mark my works. Actually don't, THEY might be watching. Secondly, should you ever find yourself on Autobahn 2, do not venture off at the signs for Bielefeld looking for lodging. You'll never leave. Finally, tell those you trust. Remember, there may be agents in your very family; make sure the people you confide in haven't been anywhere near that infernal city before you expose yourself. God speed.
Bielefeld gibt es nicht!