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Heh, he's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass.

Eric Cartman

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride was the fourth episode of the popular animated series "South Park". This episode is notable because it introduces "Big Gay Al" who appears in several other episodes and in the South Park Movie.

The episode begins with us finding out that Stan has a new pet dog, Sparky (voice work by George Clooney). We quickly learn that Sparky is a little different than the other dogs in the neighborhood. For you see, Sparky is a homosexual! Stan doesn't take this news well at all. His friends soon start to ridicule him about his "gay dog" (after his dog mounts another male dog in front of everyone).

The boys soon find themselves at football practice. Chef is the coach and we get to see an amusing little sequence that shows how much Chef hates Pip (the little British kid), because he refuses to let Pip wear a helmet. Stan's dog Sparky shows up at the end of practice and manages to find yet another boyfriend. Jimbo and Ned also show up to decide if they want to make any large bets on the upcoming football game.

Stanley, gay people...well, gay people are evil. Evil right down to their cold black hearts, which pump not blood like yours and mine. But rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea sized brains which becomes the cause of their Naziesque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?

Mr. Garrison

Now we go to Mr. Garrison's classroom where everyone has to do their oral reports on asian culture. We don't get to hear all of Cartman's report, but the ending of it is "so you see, Simon & Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television." (he got a D minus). Stan's report is no better, "Asian culture has, plagued our fragile earth for many years. We must end it." (he gets an A minus).

Stan goes to Mr. Garrison after class to ask him about homosexuality. Now we all know that Mr. Garrison is deep in the closet, so he explains the evil of homosexuality to Stan, all the while exhibiting gay stereotypes even more than he usually does. After this Stan attempts to find out Jesus' opinion on homosexuality by calling into the Jesus and Pals television show, but he finds his call cut off before Jesus can answer.

Meanwhile Jimbo and Ned have made large bets on the football game, and have concocted a mad plan to plant a bomb on the opposing teams mascot. The bomb is triggered to explode during halftime when Richard Stamos sings "Loving You". (Richard is the brother of Full House actor John Stamos, and we all know where the talent went in that family).

We have all sorts of gay animals here at Big Gay Al's. Over here we have a gay lion. And we have gay water buffalo, gay hummingbirds, here's a gaggle of gay gooses. Hi fellas, it's so super to see you!

Big Gay Al

Sparky runs away because he feels unloved, and he soon finds "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary"! Stan decides to skip the big game and go looking for his dog. Meanwhile the game is already going on (the best part about the game is the announcer who keeps making comments like " haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant.")

Stan eventually finds the Big Gay Animal Sanctuary and meets Big Gay Al. All the animals there are really happy, and they even have a gay nightclub. Stan is about to leave with Sparky until Big Gay Al overhears him make a comment about "working on making Sparky not gay". Al says that Stan still doesn't understand, so he takes him on his Big Gay Boat Ride. On the ride Stan learns that people have been gay since the beginning of time, and that gayness "kicks ass". Stan happily leaves with his gay dog and gets to the big game just in time to help his team beat the point spread. Which is a good thing because the whole "Stamos bomb" thing didn't work out, and everyone in South Park had wagered heavily on the game.

I was with my new friend, Big Gay Al. He showed me his Big Gay Animal Sanctuary, and took me on a Big Gay Boat Ride, where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety

Stan Marsh

Stan is asked to make a little speech after the game, where he tells everyone that it is OK to be gay. He tells them all about Big Gay Al, and everybody heads off to meet him. Except that when they get there they find the sanctuary gone. But many people find their gay pets that had run away long ago, and they welcome them back with open arms. Big Gay Al finally shows up (after everyone else walks away), and says goodbye to the children, steps into his briefcase and vanishes. Leaving everyone with a valuable lesson about acceptance.

As of 2014 and Season 18 Sparky nor any of the other gay pets were ever seen again. Yep, 18 years, 6 full runs of Gilligan's Island and not once did Sparky reappear.

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