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The woman who gives birth to a child, regardless of whether it is she who raises it.

This is my list of things to worry about before I pick up the receiver and dial one of the six possible numbers in front of me.

Am I bothering her?
Does she think of me everyday like I think of her?
Do I look like her?
Is she afraid I will want something from her?
Do I want something from her?
Is she alive?
Is she dead?
Does she regret giving me up?
Does she just want to be left alone?
Does she have a family of her own now?
Did she really go to art school?
Can we be friends?
Will she talk to me?
Will she answer all of these ridiculous questions?
Will she let me meet her?
Do I have any sisters and brothers?
Am I a secret?
Has she been looking for me?
What do I say? "Are you my mommy?"
Can I do this?
Why am I scared?
Will she hang up? Will she run?
Can she just give me a few minutes?

I am adopted, and people often ask me questions about my biological mother. They ponder my disinterest in this woman.

I don't feel any real connection to my biological mother. She was nothing more than a human incubator. That isn't meant to sound cruel. She gave me up for whatever reasons, hopefully she wanted a life for me that was good, and didn't know if she could provide that for me.

I don't feel the need to dredge up hard emotions for her. I have nothing more than mere curiosity surrounding the events that must have happened to cause her to give up her child. I am curious about my medical history.

One of the biggest reasons I probably don't feel like seeking her out, is because I was born in Seoul, South Korea. If I even found her, I wouldn't be able to even talk to her without a translator. That probably puts some distance on the whole issue for me.

Others who have been adopted from other countries like me seem to be like-minded. Maybe the physical issues, like the fact that it was impossible for us to think our parents were our birth parents forced us to accept this very early. So it never became a big deal.

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