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Evil pigskin gloves vs. evil black leather gloves

Although your treasured black leather gloves may be your favorite among nefarious handwear, I can point out several reasons you may want to consider evil black pigskin gloves as an alternative.

Pigskin gloves are much thinner and more pliable, and we wouldn’t want to dumb down those dexterous thieving fingers of yours with thick leather. this spiel was typed while wearing pigskin gloves. Also, if your treasured leather gloves become soiled and you need to wash them, or they get bloody, you're ruined, because leather that gets wet dries stiff. And then you’ll have to throw away a glove with your DNA on the inside and the victim’s on the outside. Pigskin dries soft even after repeated soakings. This spiel was typed while wearing pigskin gloves that had been soaked repeatedly.

I hope I have swayed you towards trading in your evil black leather gloves for a more efficient and lasting pair of evil pigskin gloves. I will stand by them as a worthy investment.

*Please note that the Police Department will pick up on your hurtful but oh-so-clever reference to "Pigs".

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