display | more...

It should be known that sexual content can be found in many video games. Some of the older ones have it buried under layers of double meanings and innuendo. Others have gratuitously turned the eternal quest for sex into the objective of the game. Still others have used intercourse as a part of the character interaction in the game's plot. There is one video game, however, that stands apart from the rest. This one game, in its entirety, exhibits what one could only call "the opposite of sex". That game is Bubble Bobble.

For those of you unfamiliar with Bubble Bobble, let me give a short synopsis. Bubble Bobble was a classic arcade and NES game that involved two little draconian creatures by the names of "Bub", player 1, and "Bob", player 2, venturing through a 100 level cave filled with monsters. Upon reaching the lowest floor of the cave, the player(s) are met by a fearsome mutant creature known as Grumple Grommit, who is guarding the tiny dragon's friends.

Take heed: Once the game has been finished, and the final blow to Grommit struck, the player is likely subjected to an ending known as the BAD END, followed by the credits and a "Thank you play again!". Why? Why would the arduous game simply end in a fit of criticism and accusation? Perhaps because the programmers of Bubble Bobble are evil and wish to feed on the angst, destruction, and pain you've put forth in conquering their 100+ levels, ultimately to a gigantic let down at the end with the shitpiss miserable excuse of an ending that just encourages you to go through the exact same fucking process again.

Ahem. So how does this all add up to become the opposite of sex? Let me explain: Sex could be described as something as a meaningful, fast paced, exciting and fun activity involving two people resulting in a climax (and perhaps a child later). Bubble Bobble could be described as a meaningless, slow, repetitive, and boring punishment resulting in the heart wrenching pain at the hollow victory of BAD END, the epitome of anticlimax. And you sure as hell DON'T get a free kid. It is plain to see that Bubble Bobble is an embodiment of whatever the opposite of sex is.

Of course, there is the elusive GOOD END . But to achieve the transcendental, free floating, love filled GOOD END , a near mythical feat is required: to defeat Grommit with both players 1 and 2 alive and intact. I have never seen it done, nor do I care to. The amount of sheer will and courage to undertake such a task is insurmountable. Thus, it is safe to say the GOOD END is unachievable feat without giving up all chances of living a normal life and the possibility of ever having sex with another human being.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.