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So I was standing in Barnes and Noble and my primary partner says to me, "honey, look at this." "This" turned out to be the following teaser on the cover of one of the many Maxim magazines:

Build your own sex bomb!
From good girl to bad in 13 1/2 minutes!

Now, I've looked at Maxim and a number of other men's magazines before so I knew that this was likely to really piss me off but it was one of those things you just can't resist (or at least, that I can't resist.) Women's magazines do this all the time - "one hundred forty five ways to make him beg you for more fellatio" and whatnot. And generally they include the same tepid advice: "talk to him about fantasies. Communicate about what you want, what you like, and what you're comfortable with." No technique or anything like that.

So anyway, I open this magazine up and flip to the appropriate page to read this article. Where they got the "13 1/2 minutes" number is beyond me, but maybe I'd know if I'd one more than skim it. The column informs me that "no matter how good a girl is, deep down she wants to be bad." It contains headlines like "unleash her inner stripper!" and assures me that every woman wants to strip for her partner. Every woman, huh? It suggests that I tell her to bring a friend. Um, no, I know my primary isn't into threesomes, thank you.

I put the magazine back with this look of utter horror on my face because the entire article was of course sexist nearly misogynistic crap. And I don't know where the "bomb" thing came from. It's not like there was something I could drop on a potential partner to turn her into this slavering bad girl.

Standing in the aisle next to me was a very attractive, intelligent-looking woman looking at me as if I were a dirty mutant pig with contagious genital cancer.

God willing I'm never looking at another Maxim magazine again.

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