Bush to Name Whitman to EPA

by Phillip McCrevice

WASHINGTON (AP) - New Jersey Gov. Christie Whitman, a moderate Republican and avid outdoorswoman, has accepted President-elect Bush's offer to head the Environmental Protection Agency, officials close to both politicians said Thursday. Fellow GOP governor Tommy Thompson hopes to follow her into the Bush administration.

Whitman is said to be very excited regarding the appointment, stating that the position was likely to be "the easiest in the entire administration. The only thing I'm probably going to have to do for the next four years is open up wildlife refuges for commercial oil drilling."

Said president-elect Bush, "Christine was the ideal candidate. When she gave me and my family an 11 week old Scottish terrier puppy, I figured she'd be a shoe-in for an administration I plan to line with alternating intelle--intellectu...intellectuals and minorities. And now this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it: that job's gonna be easier than running several businesses into the ground, so there's no reason why a woman can't handle it."

In other news, the NASDAQ closed down nearly 75 points while the Dow Jones closed down nearly 160 points.

Though parody, this article is based in part upon a real AP article.

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