Cthulhu Saves! (he might get
hungry later)
Come along, gather around, lost souls! We all know the Apocalypse is at hand: a Bush is back in the White House, the Cubs have a shot at the pennant, and Marlon Brando is getting $2 million to appear in Scary Movie 2! What better time than now to give your body, soul, and sanity to our great savior and devourer, Cthulhu!
The national CCC page (http://www.locksley.com/cthulhu/mainpage.htm) has this to say:
"Bored by an ordinary, nothing life?
Searching for excitement, power? Seeking a higher cause, one worthy of your very life?
The Campus Crusade for Cthulhu offers all this, AND MORE!"
And how right they were! I was but a lamb, lost in the woods, when Cthulhu, the greatest wolf of them all, crawled right into my dreams and ATE MY SOUL! How I long for the embrace of his tentacles, for the dreams haunting me from a time before Atlantis, before the pyramids, before organic life crawled from the miasma of soupy amino acids and shouted to the heavens, "What the hell is this crap?"
The Great Old Ones came from the stars, guided and shaped this ripe earth, and even after their deaths millions of years ago, have continued to generously mold our minds into the twisted, fetid beds of corruption, violence and perversion, making this a world where they could again hold sway, and those who follow these Gods of gods will live to see them reclaim what is theirs! (for a little while, anyhow)
Brothers and Sisters, you cannot afford not to worship Great Cthulhu! The time draws near, the stars are right, the Great Old Ones shall live again! As the poem states, "That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons even death may die"! Our glory is forthcoming, and you too can be part of it! Even now we wait at the gates for R'lyeh, for the great priest Cthulhu stirs in his undead slumber, and when he awakens, he will find us waiting, as I hear he likes brunch as soon as he gets up! Several millions of years of sleep work up an appetite, y'know.
So give yourself over! Why choose the lesser evil? When the New Time comes, you shall know you are saved, with power over the filth of humanity that remains! Also, your membership card entitles you to 10% off in selected occult shops. Those who turn their backs at this chance to be saved will certainly perish! Well, we'll all perish eventually, but those who turn their backs will perish much more quickly than those who have seen the light! Wouldn't you rather be with us than against us?
Join now! Later might be too late...
And remember to vote for Cthulhu!