Cthulhu for President

The Cthulhu for President campaign, riding on the Mythos Party ticket, and bankrolled heavily by Chaosium Inc., has been around for a few election cycles now. The largest campaign thus far has been the 2000 campaign, under the ominous slogans "The Stars Are Right," and "Why vote for a lesser evil?"

Historically, the greatest stumbling blocks to the Cthulhu campaign have been:

1. Cthulhu's laissez faire attitude toward "insignificant mortals" makes it difficult to convert democrats.
2. Cthulhu's lack of understanding with regards to traditional family values makes it difficult to convert republicans.
3. Cthulhu still has yet to find a suitable running-mate.
4. Cthulhu's main campaign promise, to devour each and every mortal upon its election, seems to cater mostly to fringe groups, such as the Campus Crusade for Cthulhu.

These issues did not stop hundreds of Americans from attending any of the Election rallies held in comic book stores across the country, or at GenCon 2000, where hooded cultists handed out Cthulhu buttons. Cthulhu has even found support with international community, as a swath of French and Spanish "Cthulhu for President" websites stand testament to.

Although the Ancient One was defeated in the 2000 election, cultists swear that a fair and public recount of the votes would allow Cthulhu to devour all those who voted against it. As the 2004 campaign trail starts to heat up, it seems safe to assume that Cthulhu will attempt to rise up and consume the world once more.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Needless to say, Cthulhu's antics have not gone unnoticed. Not to be outdone by his upstart son, never mind the slimy ancients, Yog-Sothoth has begun making plans for his election campaign. As leader of the Elder Gods party he promises to guide human evolution and protect primitive humanity from the Old Ones, especially the despicable Mythos Party.

It was also revealed, when pointed out that, like his son, he also has no partner, that he "had his eye on" Nammu, the sumerian mother goddess. "She's getting on a bit, but I think she's still got it," says Yog. When asked to comment, Nammu just roared "Za-A-Kam Me-Lam-Ma-Bi-Du Ki-Bal-A Su-Sa!"

Whether anyone will actually vote for either of these parties is yet to be seen, but here's hoping Cthulhu won't win, the silly tart.