Muahahaha! I'm back.
So a bit of background: The coach of my
high school fencing team quit last year to much sadness, and was replaced by two new coaches who I'll call Toby and Tim for short. No one much likes either of them, but Tim is a complete
tool. He also sucks at fencing. I, as an
alumni, come back and practice with the team during my
winter vacation. This also puts me in a unique position to poke fun at the coaches and dissent with their new strategies while not getting kicked off the team. It would look bad, after all, since I practically ran things there for two years as a
captain and the best fencer on the team. Not to
toot my own horn or anything.
But I digress. I decided today would be "RimRod Makes Tim Look Like A Fool" day. Some of the more memorable exchanges heard:
(as I was refereeing a bout)
Tim: Your
refereeing style is all wrong, Ian. You can't direct like that. You have to (
blah blah blah blah) and (blah blah blah).
Me: Actually, I think the way I do it is fine.
Tim: No, take it from me, mine is the right way. I'm a nationally licensed referee, and I know what I'm talking about.
Me: I'm a nationally licensed referee also.
What was your point again?
Tim: Uhhhhh....
nevermind.
(as someone on the team was merrily rejoicing after winning a tough epee bout)
Tim: Oh,
pipe down, you still have a lot of work to do. After all, I can beat anyone in this room in
epee easily.
Me: Perhaps. But I could beat anyone in this room,
including you, in
foil.
Tim: Uhhhhh...
This won't count towards my total, but a friend of mine got in a nice zinger on Toby:
(Two fellow alumni walked in when we were still drilling, one of whom said the following)
Toby: Fellas, I'm going to have to ask you to either join the
footwork drills or wait upstairs until we're ready to start
fencing.
Friend: Hey, no prob...we'll go to
Wendy's for a while. Want us to bring you back anything?
Toby: Err...no, that's alright. See you in a little bit.
Daily Evil: 4/10 total, 2 points for each major zinger I got in. Not very scathing, just a medium burn.
long, long ago/
far, far away