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Taking another break from Noyes's questions, easy but take forever, less than halfway done. Don't feel like it.
Turning into Casey with all these self-empowerment books. I thought it but he said it first.
I find myself making an effort to say things well, here, just in case I need to convert this to assignment writing, or in case someone ever reads this - I don't want to seem like a dork. I wonder if the word "dork" will survive.
Hard for me to see good things as realistic possibilities.
After the concert edebroux and I both saw the shooting star as we drove up to Oglethorpe.
the middle ground between codependence and isolation
Dr. Taylor says my writing shows " a real sense of time going by." Is this good? She said something about me replacing my parents' generation - finding a husband, children. I felt a pang of fear (?) - maybe just reaction to those potent words. Sounded oddly probable to hear her say "husband, children" to me, me. Odd because it isn't so odd anymore.
Edebroux has gone back to bed (11 am) - she didn't go to bed last night at all - stayed up to finish the final for Newman. We decorated the halogen lamp instead of a tree. Colored lights and pez dispensers attached with black electrical tape - everyone think's it's kitschy genius, when really it was just desperation borne out of too much studying. One blueberry candy cane which nobody will eat.
Saw Ryan Brown on my way back from Taylor. Waved. He waved back, small tight smile. Reminded me so much of myself - quiet & tense but sometimes he just lets go - Wednesday night he and edebroux and I went for Chinese on Buford Highway and he was quiet in the car but the minute we sat down inside he was all jazzed and did all the talking. Wisconsin, the girl in Chicago, Cincinnatti, Montana. His face went crazy when he talked about that girl. He still hasn't said her name.
Last night I was putting something up on the door and the light hit my wrist in an odd way and I made edebroux come look at the incredible furriness of my wrist and all she could see was the smallness. Once I took off my watch and waited for Pete to pick it up. He looked at it like he didn't quite understand its function, then put his fingers together and tried to fit the watch over them. He got about as far as the first joint - after that, hopeless. I slipped it on; he looked at me with disbelief.
I realized, talking to Betsy, that I use the word "stupid" about myself a lot. Told Pete this. He said, "as in, 'what a stupid thing to do?'" I said no, as in, "why am I so fucking stupid?" He looked at me with the same disbelief. Betsy says I lack experience, wisdom, and grace. I tried to tell Pete about freezing up, again, and he still didn't understand. I don't say anything, don't react, go all quiet on him. He thought he was boring/annoying me and I was thinking of places I'd rather be.