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Certain songs I listen to will set me off, trigger a certain mood. I call it deep blue, for lack of words. It comes nowhere near conveying the state of mind, where it puts me, what it is.

Step outside in my pajamas, barefoot in thought. A deep sky beckoning somewhere; the cement patch where I stand is surrounded by pale yellowish light.

The music is brimming with wet grass, dew. The room is lit with little tiny bulbs. It's full of stars.

I am sitting on the beach with Joe, the day's warmth escapes through the sand into my toes, the waves come in.

We are drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, easy. We talk, fall silent. I relax for the first time this week.

I cast about for adjectives to describe this music that stirs me. It's not the words that do it, but a certain something in the way the tune is played. It's cool, it's dark blue, it is silent water flowing. It is a sort of thrumming in the void of thoughts. It is me: moving, streaming, flying. It is wind and calm, smooth and clear, stars and stones. It is always night, always calm. It's depth and expansiveness, space and spirits filling a vastness that aches inside. It's rest without sleep.

I think it may be peace.


Some of the songs that'll do it:

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