Discordian Code

CONVERSATION:

A	B	C	D	E	F	G	H	I	J	K	L	M	N	O	P	Q	R	S	T	U	U	W	X	Y	Z
1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	19	20	21	22	23	24	25	26

STEP 1. Write out the message (HAIL ERIS) and put all the vowels at the end &(HLRSAIEI)

STEP 2. Reverse order (IEIASRLH)

STEP 3. Convert to numbers (9-5-9-1-19-18-12-8)

STEP 4. Put into numerical order (1-5-8-9-9-12-18-19)

STEP 5. Convert back to letters (AEHIILRS)

GUARANTEED TO BE 100% UNBREAKABLE.

Now, grasshopper, I told you about the Discordian code, and you complain that it is not unbreakable, nay, that it is ambiguous, and it does not have a key, and it does not solve all problems, and it does not bring world peace or a cure for cancer.

Sure, and neither does a little hot-dog bun, and nonetheless we cherish it greatly, especially on Friday.

Now, if I were one of those cheap Zen masters I would leave it at that, or maybe just swat you with a flywhisk, since I am a pope and you are just a little insect (I called you grasshopper, you did not flinch: QED).

But as a pope I feel the need to pound some sense into that granitic box you call your head.

1. Maybe the fact that the Discordian code sucks means that there is not much point in using heavy-duty cryptography on a lot of information.
2. Maybe it means that a lot of information is ultimately bullshit, and you can confuse your enemies by leaving it in clear and hoping that they believe it.
3. Maybe, if you have really important information, you should not even be considering any crypt but real, quality, crypt like RSA with a long key.
4. And maybe, 5 tons of flax.

As for the apparently pointless conversion to numbers, I will simply point out that in there there will be many 5 (that's to say E, the most common letter in English), and we all know that 5 is a good number, our best friend in fact.

The Discordian Code is more of a lesson than it is a useful device. Initiates are taught the code (along with many other antimnemonic devices) to convey deeper meaning. In this way, the teaching of the Discordian Code is similar to that of a zen koan.

The sooper-sekrit meaning behind the Discordian Code lesson is given below:

The secret lesson behind the Discordian Code koan:

EVEN ORDER CAN PRODUCE CHAOS.

The initiate, learning the Discordian Code (which is more accurately a cypher) is forced to perform meaningless tasks of letter sorting, letter/number translation and ordering of numbers in what basically amounts to alphabetizing all the letters in a message. The outcome in any sufficiently large message is essentially gibberish, as the process is not reversible. The lesson, therefore, is that arbitrary application of Order yields Chaos.

c.f. Bureaucracy, Government