I have been, for most of the last few years, a breakfast-to-go-before-work person. That's become more typical lately. I've seen soccer moms and power brokers in line at the drive thru in front of me, reaching for their microwave meals with gold clad wrists, from within Cadillacs and Lexus SUV's. I either rode for an hour on busses to get to work or went to the gym beforehand, so even though I am single and have no one else to take care of, I fill my time just as much as anyone else. But this month I quit the gym, bought roller blades and go skating in the afternoons instead, and have since had a lot more time on my hands in the morning. So I've been making my breakfast hockey pucks at home.

I've always been a strong believer that breakfast should be the most unhealthy meal of your day, since you have the whole day to burn it off and anyway, breakfast just is. If it doesn't have bacon, eggs, cheese, and/or buttered toast, it's just a snack. So I bought a dozen eggs, Thomas English Muffins (accept no generic brands), American processed cheese (note: not processed cheese food; that tag at the end makes all the difference), and Kraft Real Mayonnaise (I mean, really, what is the point of light mayo?).

Apparently one egg, even a medium size egg, is not able to fit on an English Muffin. I know that Mc'Donald's uses beaten eggs and pre-forms them and probably uses smaller muffins, but I just realized how dinky my food used to be when I got it to go. When I make it home, it's messy and greasy and just tastes better. Don't mistake me; just because I cook my breakfasts at home doesn't mean I don't want things quick, easy, and ideally, portable. Even my waffles are toaster waffles, and I should warn you. Don't get the Pillsbury Hungry Jack toaster waffles if they have a little raised image of the dough boy on them. They burn on that side no matter how low the setting.

I would assume that since portions for breakfast are so small at fast food joints (I can't bear to call them restaurants; Denny's is the exception), that they expect us to not get hungry and hour after we get to work. The OJ is the size of a large shot glass, the hash browns half the size and thickness of a Snickers bar, which according to the commercial, is supposed to "really satisfy" you (and it actually does for me, in a pinch). And those Cini-Minis? What the hell is up with those?

If you were to set before the average working American the breakfast I was given as a child, he would slip into a mild coma, with a smile on his face. When I do get a full, normal meal with more than 2 food groups, I often fall into a mild coma. I miss when meals meant something. When they could stop time and you weren't expected to do anything but sit and digest.

I've eaten three times since I got up this morning at 5:30. Bagel bites, a homemade hockey puck, and toaster waffles. I'm still unsatisfied. I'm sated but not filled. Story of my life.

I spent enough time working at a Mc Donalds in high school to tell you that it all depends on which hockey puck you order.

The Mc Muffins

The Mc Muffin family of sandwiches (Egg Mc Muffin, Sausage Mc Muffin, etc), do indeed have one whole medium sized egg. It only fits on the english muffin because of the way it is cooked. The eggs are cooked in a small frame device which handles six eggs at once. You break the eggs into the little individual circles in the frame. Then you place a lid on top, and pour some water into a little hole on top of the lid (they are pretty much poached eggs). This is what gives them that hockey puck shape that is just slightly smaller than the muffin is. These are probably the most labor intensive of all the breakfast sandwichs to make.

The Biscuits

The biscuit family of sandwiches (Sausage Egg Biscuit, Bacon Egg Cheese Biscuit, and the newer "Breakfast Bagels"), do not have an entire egg on them. As a matter of fact, at most locations they do not even have real eggs on them at all. They are made from a carton of egg substitute. These are cooked in groups of three in a rectangular frame without a lid. You start by pouring a tiny amount of the "egg" into each slot. After a short amount of time you fold them up into squares, and put them on the sandwiches. These appear to have more content than the hockey pucks, but it is just fluff, they have the equivalent of about half an egg in them at the most.

Other restaurants

Jack in the Box uses one (or more), whole eggs on most of their breakfast sandwiches. While Burger King uses the "fluff" method to produce round fluffy egg pucks with less than a whole egg. I can't speak for any other restaurants, as those are the only ones I have first hand experience in.

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