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I had been trying to have lucid dream a while ago, to pretty much no avail. It hadn't worked and I pretty much forgot about it and all the little things you can do to try and have a lucid dream (like telling yourself you will have one before you fall asleep). Anyway, if you vary your normal sleeping pattern, I think that helps to break you out of a rhythm and get you to realize your dreaming.

Last night I had played poker with a bunch of friends for about 8 hours. We played from 10pm to roughly 6am and I ended up a significant amount, which I was obviously pleased about. Anyway I got to bed at about 7am. I distinctly remember a dream I was having where for some unknown reason I was flying. All of the sudden, I know that its not real. I didn't really realize it was a dream, but I do remember thinking that it wasn't real. So, after taking my philosophy class and wondering about The Matrix type scenarios I decide to test myself. I try and see my surroundings look real, or if they look like a dream. I looked at my surroundings and I looked at the back of my hands and in my dream I thought it all looked completely real. So I couldn't tell the difference from dream and reality while I was dreaming (or at least I thought I couldn't).

So then I wake up, and I am thinking about the dream and it seemed fake. I remember thinking that it looked real, but by my memory of the dream it looked a little fake. I wouldn't have told you that while I was dreaming though. So... did It actually look real, or did I have limited capacity for realizing it while I was dreaming....

Anyway, regarding poker night, I had a great hand one game. A freaking four of a kind, in a game with no wild cards. In this game you start with seven cards, pass two to the right and one to the left and bet five times as you reveal each of the cards in your five card hand. So you end up seeing 10 cards. This makes a full house the normal good winnig hand, and I had a four of a kind. So I bet big, each bet, and build the pot up and up. The only other person in contention is showing 2,3,4,5 of diamonds, and I am showing three of my four '9's. Then it hit me, there is ONE possibly hand that beats the four of a kind... and it is straight flush. That lucky bastard got a straight flush.

I was wandering through a black void and stumbled upon a tiny hole. Peering through this hole I saw seven women sitting around a fire, enchanted by the flames. It was hard to make out what they were doing exactly so I attempted to peer a bit closer and suddenly found myself sitting cross-legged in the circle with them. They were all peering at a man in the fire with wild green hair, and he was laughing and passing out raffle tickets to them all.

“One, two, three, four, five, and that’s six,” he said counting them off and handing them over to me. I ate the tickets and was instantly taken into a mesmerizing trance in which the fire became the hair on the scalp of a balding man. All the women began dancing around naked and eating cake off each other but the man suddenly called me over and so I stepped into the patch of hair and sat next to him. “And remember,” he told me. “This is how souls are born.”

And suddenly, beginning again, with light shinning forth, my heart split in two and was separated a great distance from itself so that no two thoughts or feelings could ever be one. And my soul, now in pieces, brought forth upon itself a madness uncontrollable. The messenger was clouded into a solitary prison, from which it could tell not to me of the things beyond myself. The great void that was between my heart and itself produced an emptiness that would always ask for fulfillment, and never fully receive it. My mind was separated into ten regions, one of which I was allowed control of. And the rest were locked away from me. The messenger was to be the key to these regions but he is locked from me forever. And in the void I bled.

I was seeing all this happen in the third person.

I am walking down the street about a block away from my house. It is a warm and beautiful day outside, and I have my headphones on. The song playing is “Just A Gigolo” by Louis Prima, a sunny track for a sunny day. I’m mouthing the words to the song and shuffling my feet in time with the music, generally making a spectacle of myself. But no big deal, the only other person around is the blonde-haired girl walking right in front of me.

Louis gets to the line “Won’t some sweet momma come and dance with me, cause I ain’t so bad” and I sing it out with him, without a care for the world. The girl whirls around and looks at me with a really bemused expression on her face. In an attempt to salvage the situation, I hold out my hand as though the line was meant to be an invitation. She thinks for a split second, and then a grin slowly spreads across her face. She puts her hand in mine and we’re off down the middle of the street.

The music switches to total stereo, as though it was the soundtrack to life. We are in the middle of a musical. The camera changes to a crane shot in the trees that slowly moves down to street level as we get closer to it. We’re in the center of the shot dancing up a storm, 1940s swing style in the middle of the empty street. Our feet moving in unison together. Then we release and go on our own, and then we’re back together again, never losing a step. It was exhilarating.

In perfect time with the end of the song, she lands in my arms and I dip her. We kiss. Deeply. Passionately. We both pop back up, her face is flushed as I look into her eyes.

I wake up with a big smile.

This is the exact same girl from Dream Log: December 10, 2001. Short to medium height, chin-length blonde hair, and dark eye make-up. Exact same face. I cannot remember ever seeing her in real life, as far as I know she is only a construct of my imagination, but she has come up in many of my dreams. Weird.

Note: Upon checking the lyrics of the song, I have found that I misquoted them, but that’s what they were in the dream. And it fits better that way, don’t it?

I hold up my hands, but I can't see them.

There is nothing beneath my feet.

I can't move, and I can see my mother.

She is holding a baby, which I know is me.

She looks around her and pulls out his dummy.

I feel something in my mouth, I try and vomit.

I wake up and lock my door.

Sleep evades my again.
It is 5am.

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