Dream Log: January 2, 2001

One of my very few E2 dreams, and a very disturbing one too...

An E2 tragedy

I read in the newspaper about some website gone wrong, killing one person. Since newspaper articles about websites are very often inaccurate and hilariously written, I read it. The first sentence below the headline mentions "the Internet community 'Everything'".

I freeze.

It turns out that following a millennium bug problem, "administrator" nate had to remove a lot of "nodes" - (yes the article said nodes). In removing the nodes, nate without knowledge removed a node that were a part of some human-machine interaction experiment...and one user got killed because of this.

I log onto E2 and get the message on the first page... The node in question had in fact been coupled to a probe of some sort, and it was feeding nodegel to a dying user. The user was Sensei, and by removing the node, the already ill Sensei was bereft of the nodegel that feeds him, and thereby killed.

State of shock follows...

A morning daydream. There was an object that I have chosen to remeber as a deep red fun fur purse. Thick fun fur straps. A cartoon humanoid bunny in farmer type overalls and I were handing it back and forth to each other and the passing of it was pleasurable and the receiving of it was pleasurable. There was a whole bunch of patterns and color explosions and complicated fractals that, in a music video style, I would cut to inbetween the passing of the purse. Though I never fully acknowledged to myself that this was a dream I know I was snuggling pretty intensely with my bed and was aware of this.

Had a weird dream, one of the few I have ever remembered. I was in this swingset-playground-type thing behind my house with this big, red, tubular slide on the front. The slide was kind of Y-shaped, as I remember, and the top left arm of the Y was the part of the slide I always began on. I could only slide through it if you put your rear right above the hole, and then I was sucked in or something and I was bent over so that my feet were at the same level as my forehead. Once you got to the middle of the Y, you could do the same thing to the right hand side of the Y and you would slide up that side and end up on top. Later on in the dream I discovered that there was a horizontal bar at the center of the Y, so that when you came out the first half, you could swing around on the bar and go up the second half right then. Weird stuff.

So anyway, I see coming across the yard for me two of my neighbor's sons, ones that I really don't like too well, and I know their names. They both have shiny silver handguns in their hands. My brother appears out of nowhere and takes on one of them; I take on the other one, the one I'm more familiar with. I wrestle the gun out of his hand, and I remember that in doing so, he shoots the gun into the ground and I check to see if he shot my foot or something like that. I have his gun, the cops appear out of nowhere and handcuff him and the other guy, and the last thing I remember is my dad coming out of the front door, presumably to talk to the cops and bitch-slap the neighbors (who he doesn't particularly like either).

I seldom remember dreams, but I was sick two nights ago, so maybe that had something to do with it. Or maybe it was millenial shock. I dunno.

Lucid dreaming is normally a lot of fun. I change things around to suit me better, making the dream more enjoyable or give myself power over my enemies within them. There are times when I am having a lucid dream where I mostly leave well enough alone because the dream is creative, fun, adventurous all by itself it doesn't need my help to make it better. A few times in the past and more increasingly of late however my lucid dreams have changed. There is a frightening element to them that I'm not sure how to handle or change.

I know that I am dreaming, I try to change things because it's getting frightening, only to realize I can't. It's as if I am bound in a dark goo, an unrelenting shield that oozes over me. I can't wake up, no matter how hard I try until whatever it is releases me, laughing at my inability to fight it. It taunts me and controls me. Last night I had a perfect example of what I mean.

The following is of a twisted and adult nature I shall keep the details to a minimum for the public eyes sake, never the less you have been warned...

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I am in a forest, most like in mountains somewhere. There are others with me, including my husband. There is a small very run down cabin on the property and we have brought Rv's and other camping equipment with us. It has been decided that we should rebuild the cabin into a suitably liveable permanent home. Although the Rv's are fine for winter living, I no longer wish to live with my husband in the one we had been sharing, the other one was occupied with another couple and it was beginning to get too cold for a tent. So we were all pitching in to get the cabin done before it snowed. I was busily planning out how best to renovate, what materials and how to use them. While the others were doing most of the work (even in my dreams I'm on crutches) since I was incapable of doing much.

One night I decide that even though the cabin is not finished, that I should start sleeping in it anyway, figuring it's likely to be much warmer then the tent. It's a cold and dark night and I snuggle into my sleeping bag figuring the dream will skip ahead to another daylight scene at any moment. I allow myself to close my eyes and relax within the dream. That was when it came. I hear the panting of an animal of some sort outside my window, I'm filled with an unreasonable amount of fear. I know I shouldn't be afraid, all I have to do is will it away... I can't my thoughts are stuck within my mind they are not projecting out into the dream as they should be. I lay very still thinking perhaps the beast hasn't noticed me and will simply keep going on with out bothering to investigate further. Instead it leaps in through my window beside my bed bringing with it an unrelenting darkness. I am blind within this darkness, I can not move, I can not speak. The creature jumps upon my bed, sprawling himself over me. I am compelled to give it sexual favors although I am fighting against doing so with all my might. I can not feel myself doing these deeds and yet I know I am and am horribly shamed by them. Graphic images of the unimaginable acts I am performing flash through my mind, I try to block them and do some but I still know that I am being shown what I can not see in the darkness. The beast howls in delight at it's power and satisfaction it has gained from me.

Although I fear and hate what this beast has done I reach out to it hoping that at least in my shame it will stay and keep me warm through the night. Laughter, it's laughing at my stupidity and weakness. Then all at once it is gone and I instantly am awake, shaking, in a cold sweat.

Even awake I am frightened and shamed by my dream it as if I have been violated in a most vile and mocking way. Made to do things I would never do under my own free will, then when forced to admit it, accept it, then I am rejected, laughed at.

I got a new job in a very casual way - the company owner mentioned that if I stopped by on such-and-such a date, I could work for him.

So I went, and found myself in a conference room with others as puzzled as me. None of us knew what the company did or what we'd be working on.

Soon we found out: we had to alter a football so that it could be thrown by a particular machine. The machine was breaking each football because it had this flat metal tab that snapped, like the metal tab in one of those annoying clicker toys, and the snap! is what both catapulted and broke the ball.

Our first solution was to wrap the football in a rectangular metal cage, which of course was too hard, and so we wrapped that in a thick soft felt, and padded the ends.

This had the problem of getting very heavy when wet, so we wrapped the whole mess in a diaper.

Voila! Problem solved!

Three Sisters

• Standing outside an old white colonial house built atop a green hill. I become very lucid and decide I want to try something new with my lucid dreaming powers. I walk around the house a bit, thinking about what I want to do, and run into the residents of the house: three sisters. I ask for their full names and they each give me their long, family-tradition-regimented moniker. We're sitting in a parlor on the second floor and, after thanking them, I jump out of the open window and soar down off the hilltop. Upon waking I realized that I'd forgotten all about my idea to try something new.