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I dreamt that I was going to die.


I knew it, and all I could think about was peace.

I don't have any diseases or suicidal tendencies, mind you. I'm wickedly healthy, save for a sunburn and a runaway case of emotional detachment that may be the best or the worst thing for me; in the dream, I knew someone else who was dying too. We were hanging onto the back of a pickup truck in my parents' parking lot in my hometown. It was twilight, sort of; the sky turned grey to pink like TV channels, as our conversation turned to and fro the impending bliss.

I think I thought death would make me omniscient. I even thought about Kevin Spacey telling me, "You don't have a clue what I'm talking about. Don't worry; you will someday."

I also thought about the Sassy aphorism, "If I die, will they bury me with my braces on?" They would, I knew, and I didn't like leaving a less than beautiful shell, but that is all.

In the back of the pickup truck we rode to the grocery store in my hometown, the sky still flickering, the scene still tense and beautiful.

I don't remember anything after the shopping cart.

I didn't have much time for dreaming this night. At least not the kind of dreams you remember because it wasn't quite R.E.M sleep. Fell asleep around 3:45am, and woke up as the alarm clock started blearing around 7 am. Hit the snooze-button and slept for ten more minutes. I woke up 'cause of the clock again, yelling "Fucking Germans!!" for no reason whatsoever, afterall, germans are good guys these days. Anyway, I came to realize that I had another exam today, so I jumped out of bed and hit the shower.

- / +

A gas leak had caused a local supermarket to explode violently. The shockwave had hit our neighborhood, destroying lots of houses and killing many people.
My family survived the blast without a scratch, but the north corner of my parents' house - consisting of the sauna, the shower and the laundry room - was reduced into a pile of rubble.
A while later, my dad had started to fix the place, bunt only by building a new wall around the part of the house left intact. I was upset about the fact that we didn't have a sauna nor a shower anymore.

- / +

  • Jason being mean

  • A set of challenges I had to surmount over and over, like in a video game where you have to restart at the beginning of a level, no matter how far into the level you'd gotten. The one I dreaded most had to do with the template, and now I had broken it.

  • Looking for a jar of instant coffee for a kid who was ravenous for it, shaky. All I could find was nutella.

  • I want a lawyer so bad I get gone.

  • He had been kicked out of chef school for obvious reasons. Maybe I'll be a chef.

  • An article on the button collection in the Smithsonian. "the desperate belief of every American woman that the right three buttons will enable the dress that never quite fit to drape and flow as never before"

  • army archive, D-spaced Zs.

  • naked with me in bed, he said "I'm just annoyed by all the animals on this planet. Except of course you."

  • At a playground, talking to people who weren't quite strangers. I wrote on the dry-erase board, "Do they make giant packages of meat for people who eat meat exclusively?" but then thought it might be offensive, so I erased it. Taylor Davidson was white and I asked her why she wasn't in school. Another girl had brought a gun and shot someone, not badly, and just a BB gun, but enough to scare everyone, and everyone got to go home early. I winked at her. Good deal, you didn't have to waste a fever to get a day off.
  • Sitting at a computer with selena, we are both trying to use it at the same time. Annoyed that it is not working out, I quit trying and she quits shortly after as well. I start using it again. Pretty damn hard to share a chair, monitor, and keyboard between two people.

    a compact epic...

    In a desperate attempt to escape her persecutors she sailed away into a sea, a small crew of those still loyal helped her negotiate the small ships and water. It unfolds that her entire crew consisted of lawyers. Had they conspired against her in the first place? Was it their scheming that caused the city to forcibly eject her? It was too late now. I knew the truth, dangerous knowledge. Once ashore, they sent a pack of lawyers to kill her in the darkly streetlamp lit parking lot (the same ones she had sailed with?) There were four, they rode up on skateboards. Moving in to attack, she quickly dispatched each as they charged. Except one. He was small, timid, could not find it within himself to attack her. She understood this and in exchange did not kill him as she had the others.

    Together, they walked off arms interlaced. I met up with them, and was so happy to see they had found love together instead of fighting. I kept hugging them and gushing nice things. They kept blushing. Now in the supermarket. Invading the stronghold. Glossy plastic bright fluorescent lit moving stealithy down the ailes. Just me, with young timid lawyer in trail. They were stocking shelves in the manner that mail was filed in the Hudsucker Proxy. Items flew through the air from the stock room at a blazing speed, right to spot on the shelves where they belonged. Fascinating and fluid, we watched, awe amazed for some time. Moving forward again, we had to duck under the items as they were being shelved in order to avoid being hit. We must have been detected somehow, they started a counterattack. Now we had to dodge the items that were being shelved as well as a barrage of maliciously launched fresh produce and prepackaged goods. Hectic battlefield, on the run, crouched over scurrying. At the end of an aisle, a safe haven, a girl waiting for us. Young and beautiful. She beamed at me and I held her in my arms briefly. She moved for a kiss, and I accepted with a not more than friends one in return. We seperated. I could tell that the timid lawyer (though recently fallen in love with our expatriot heroine, those fickle lawyers!), was deeply enamoured with this girl. Really to young to be my girlfriend, I asked her if she would take the timid lawyer out to dinner . She nodded yes. I slightly noticed that she had not said a thing the whole time.
    I was in a parking place behind a souvenir shop I used to have a summer job in. There was a tunnel entry, blocked by some trash bags. Someone wanders in to kick one trash bag aside. The trash bag is swarming with flies. I yell, trying to stop the trashbag from being moved. Too late. The trash bag opens, I expect to see flies but instead another trashbag in the other side of field opens and green flaming skulls fly out from that bag in an endless stream. I run away, but green bags keep falling, jumping from that tunnel, aiming for people, mainly me. They fall near me, open and a killing clouds jump out, trying to catch me. I run harder and reach a tunnel with floor paved with stone. It is dark and is lit by lamps. It reminds me of PC game thief.

    I wake up.

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