Dream Log: November 12, 2001

Me and four (unknown) non-Finn friends went into a library to search some information and to log in computers. I was the only one to have a user account on the system and therefore others gatherred around me as we look for the news and emails. However, there wasn't anything interesting there and thus we moved ourselves one floor down to continue the research with the help of books. We sat around a round table and discussed about the problem, some of us browsing the books. Suddenly they all stand up in silence but in hurry. They were looking at particular direction and I turned my eyes too: It was my dad who was approaching and I understood we were here without permission. I have to say that I was bit confused because this was a university library and all of us were students but somehow it was only for professionals.. My friends run up the stairs and I took only couple of fast steps to a different direction and then I calmed down: Either my dad, who was working here and had a responsibility to drive unwelcome guests away, had already known me or he hadn't noticed me at all. I walked calmly towards the main entrance but then I heard clatter of fast steps and turning my head I saw a colleaque of my dad coming after me very fast. She looked very firm young woman - pretty sexy too in the working clothes and with all that authority she had - and I just run through the main door and I thought that was it but she was even closer. I was surprised how keen she was to catch me and that's why I continued running but she was still there. Okay, no joking anymore and I changed the gear and fleed for good.

Oh yes, after three months, the nightmares still come in the dark. The Demons will never simply leave, they must be usurped


The room has moved, not the furniture but the physical room itself was never located here, even the counters have
changed to fit my demenor. Simple white fermika, now replaced by black marble. Good, I think to myself, something
that can take the punishment

(but why would you need to be punished anymore?)

Oh and theres plenty of that all around, I punish the marble the rest punishes me. No escape from ones own mind
after all? They never steeled me for this in school. They never taught me how to fight the possibilities that the
sub-concious refuses to let die.

(Can anyone tell me how to overide the unending voice, the one you can't hear?)

This is the journey that I speak of respecting, I realize that its tiring to some of my friends, and that it is
peoples nature to get upset or bored when they arent the center of attention for a while, because we all like to be.
But always remember (and I mean it, never forget this) if you think that its too hard for you to handle
Never forget who pounds on the marble counters until their surface is covered in the red of my regret, and those are the "Good nights"


(But there is progress, nowdays when the demons come, I strike them and return to the arms of sleep)


Thanks to all those who do respect the journey and to all those that don't, I'm sorry I suppose.

I was in a supermarket for, hm, the kind of people who aren't very smart. I remember Jonny and Sally were there.

I saw Jonny had these red kind of sores or spots or whatever all over him, and Sally was harassing him about them, and getting upset and asking him why he had to be all red and orange and yellow and stuff. And he was trying to yell back at her, saying that she had freckles and it was the same thing, but I don't think she was listening.

(I miss Jonny. I haven't seen him since academy. He hated me, but that's all right.)

---

It was breakfast in the Campus Kitchen. The guys from the line would never go there, probably because it doesn't open till seven or eight and we get off work at six-thirty. That and it's as expensive as anything.

Anyway, it had been redecorated, or something, and was now all small and kiosky, and I saw that when I had my order and sat down with the rest of them, they had all gone and sat down by my brother.

I say, that was unexpected. But I was happy.

The next Friday I wasn't in so good of a mood, I just wanted to get my breakfast and leave. We went to the CK again, and I was just walking by to leave, and I saw they were all sitting by him again. So I couldn't leave, but stayed and talked.

(I miss my brother. I started working nights, and sleeping mornings, but he works afternoons, and sleeps nights, so I don't get to see him anymore...)