I just had the most intense nearly sexually explicit dream I've ever had. Nothing real happened. But it was intimate. More intimate than anything I have ever experienced or imagined before.
Then I woke up.
And my defenses were down.
And I asked myself, who was the girl in the dream? And what was her significance? I realized who she was, but I realized that it didnt matter. The image that was represented in my head was of no significance.
And a question came out of the ether of my mind. It hit while my defenses were down. In that first moment after you wake and all the powers of your imagination are still available. It hit when I could visualize anything in the world. It hit when I had nothing holding me back. It hit when I absolutely could not lie to myself.
"Who would you most like to fall in love with?"
Immediately my mind pictured her. A friend. A good friend. One that I have been wanting to make more so. She was not the one that I had sought before, the crush that was a section of my life just waiting to end. She had never really been considered before. Or she had been considered, but rejected because she seemed to be not interested at all. But the image in my mind... I could just picture her standing before me, eyes closed, head leaned back, an 'Mmmm' escaping her lips, as if we had just shared a really intense, pleasant kiss.
It was the most real image to ever pass through my mind in my life.
She's a wonderful person. And I think I may have just given myself the lead in to something far more real than a common crush.
This is no idle fantasy. I can see myself changing for her, like I did for noone ever before. This feels real. Maybe its because this all happened within the space of the last ten minutes. But I dont see it fading. Not soon.
She's away for the weekend, and she comes back tonight. Maybe I'll get the chance to test my feelings out.
Can a little dream really spark a notion of love more intimate, more real, than anything to come before?
I hope so... God, do I hope so.