Step one: Download and burn the latest version of Knoppix.

Step two: Acquire a T-mobile phone with bluetooth and GPRS capability. I used a Siemens S56, but I suspect a number of bluetooth GPRS-capable phones will work as well.

Step three: Acquire a USB bluetooth adapter of some stripe. I am using a Belkin F8T001

Step four: Attach USB bluetooth device and insert Knoppix CD.

Step five: Turn on computer, let knoppix boot. (you might need to change the boot order in the BIOS to get it booted, but probably not)

Step six: Click on the lower-left penguin icon (similar to the Windows Start Button), select Network/Internet, then GPRS connection.

Step seven: Select bluetooth connection, then custom init string. Edit so that it reads thus: AT+CGDCONT="1","wap.voicestream.com"

Step eight: Enter the same password into your bluetooth phone and the computer. It will dial and attempt to connect. It will disconnect because you have not added the PC to your phone as a trusted device. Hit CTRL-c to disconnect. The Phone will ask you if you want to add the PC as a trusted device. Do it. Go back and follow step six and seven again. This time the connection will work. Wait patiently for a few seconds while it finds the DNS servers.

Step nine: Congratulations. You're in business. Go to everything2.com and give me a C! because you have to admit, that's pretty cool.

A number of people have asked me how much this costs. Well, this is the coolest part of all. Though this may be entirely temporary, this service is accidentally free to current T-Mobile customers through their unadvertised free WAP access over GPRS. What this means, in practice, is that port 80 and the SMTP, POP, and IMAP ports are open and everything else is blocked. So, surf to your heart's content. The only downside is that the SSL port is blocked, so you won't be doing any shopping, but I'm sure some industrious hacker is already thinking about port forwarding and SSH.

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