Editor Log: September 30, 2000

September 30, 2000
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O dem bones, I am still timezoned and I seeb to hab a code. The nodegel bubbles around my ventral breathing pores. I am confused. I swim downwards through the gel to look for an older node but it turns out to be up instead and I bump into New Writeups. Oh well.

O dem bones, I will carefully consider your sage advice to treat my cold with Mountain Dew and Oreos. The fact that I am instead taking ginger and lemon in a bit of saké does not indicate a lack of faith in your wisdom but merely my unfortunate stagnation in the habitual.

The nodegel however seems healthy. The wizardly whizkid has learned to sense the spoor of trolls. He now prowls with some of the same fierce manner as the deadly Lord Brawl. The other godusergroup and editorusergroup entities are steadily tending the nodes and noders.

There seems to be a strong flow of clear freegel coming from the vents. To see it moulded by the noders into shapely nodes and writeups is truly a wonderous sight. My tiny thorax swells with pride. Or is that congestion?

And look, there floats a nodeshell I actually like: salt water taffy sticking to the teeth of my mind created by Svaha.

The new day dawns over the nodegel. The gel ripples in the virtual light.

Released into freegel:

• love of my life wsu by burnboy, by request.
• Fled users Riber, Gordon, EOF, The Cow.
• wavelets by gleep. Nov. 13, 1999. Magenta just put a fine wu here which made gleep's joke appear to be very very stupid and something which cheapened the node. It had to go as a matter of aesthetics.
• By necromancer, by request:
  • You know you've been on-line too long when...
  • You've been at the computer too long when wu
  • True Meanings of PC Messages
  • The Creation Of All
• By Bill Dauterive, by request:
  • hate mail
  • horse's ass
  • fried peanut butter and 'nanner sandwich
  • Wide Open Spaces
  • Martie Seidel
  • Snow On The Sahara
  • Natalie Maines and a wu by dannye
  • 4am in the morning. and a wu by Lost^boy
  • Moonshine Music wu
  • award shows wu
• By The Custodian by request, in pursuit of node-fu:
  • Jean-Claude Van Damme wu
  • What Makes up your Computer? wu
  • What is the funniest title of porn you have seen? wu
  • Live to node, node to live
  • Grozny
  • cyberspace wu
• fire dancing by vivid, by request.

I popped what was in Nodeshells Marked For Destruction and a few others.

Hm. I fell into a kind of trance state deleting nodeshells and Nov. 13, 1999 wus when clicking through Random Nodes. Oh, I fixed a definition or two, saved a few wus by adding links. But the rhythm of the thing became hypnotic. I have no memory of the specifics. But I feel refreshed.

FSSSSSHLorp:

• Zorin by Zorin, by request.

Here's the rejection -
Lethal's injection:
How do you want to die?

'Tis my objection -
Lacks self-affection:
Give it another try!

Killed: Alan Smithee's writeup in Using "Porn" as an adjective. It was a really lame joke, and the anonymous noder admitted that he used the Alan Smithee account to avoid downvotes. THWACKOOOM!

Killed: kenata's writeup in The reasons why Jessicapierce should email kenata. He wanted her to e-mail him. Please try a /msg next time. Plus it was at -6, too... Also nuked the remaining nodeshell.

Killed: Demeter's writeup in Pictures of Everythingians, by request, without penalty.

Killed: writeups by Mighty_KC and dem bones (Ooooh, I'm so brave!) in Cloves. The first was pointless jibber-jabber, and the second was a correction of the jibber-jabber with a "This half of the node will self destruct in 24 hours" note.

Killed: Mighty_KC's writeup in Big Black Bag of Things That Hurt. More jibber-jabber.

Killed: writeups by Mighty_KC and electricbarbarella in Already a new Nine Inch Nails Album. The first was some jibber-jabber about Trent Reznor making a Fraggle Rock CD, and the second said she didn't believe it. Also deleted the nodeshell.

Killed: DMan's writeup in XP Pack Rape. First, it was deliberately offensive in ways that would've gotten a lower-ranked noder nuked without hesitation by any editor, regardless of their political affiliations. It was rude, hate-filled spew, and we are no poorer for its loss. Plus, part of his writeup read: "Go on, I dare you to nuke this node." Damn if I can't resist a dare.

Killed: writeups by everyone under The Exorcist and Movie Ratings. Both consisted merely of website addresses.

Killed: Eclectic Scion's writeup in Guns don't kill people, guns kill scum-sucking SOBs who had it coming. Total Content: "Guns don't kill people, guns kill scum-sucking SOBs who had it coming." Why, yes, that is utterly useless! Also nuked the nodeshell remaining.

Killed: amiawakeyet's writeup in I brake for... It was blank. Glared at the other writeup there, but decided to let it live.

Nodeshells zapped: A bunch of 'em, including: The definitive writings on the History of DMan, created by Shanoyu; What if Dman had been a gay militant vegan asshole?, created by mcSey; www.tism.wanker.com, created by tres equis; NUNS CAN SUCK IT!, created by archetype; those really hot asian girls who only hang out with other really hot asian girls, created by tftv256; goddamn nodeshell whiners, created by everyone; Fort Worth, created by OKolzig37; and industries, created by Deadfred, along with all the nodeshells found by Lord Brawl.

Also zapped a couple of nodeshells created through the everyone account by, apparently, DMan. Gist: He's still mad.

More in anger than in sorrow, I nailed their empty little heads to the floor and spun 'em around.

• copy protection by Riber: "Copy protection is a bad idea". Thank you for sharing, Beavis.

• selfless individuals by Deadfred (never seen on E2): "Idiots." Yada yada yada . . .

• selfless individuals by Gordon (never seen on E2): Gordon notes that Deadfred is an idiot and probably lacks self-esteem. He's right on the money, but after I flushed Deadfred's masterpiece it lacked context.

• Pseudo Int.can't be accused of taking ANYTHING too seriously by Gordon: "Can He?" Beats the hell outta me, Gordo. Why not ask him?

• pretzel presser by Deadfred: "Where the universe goes to buy its salad and after dinner mints. Close to the earlobes, but a little to the left." That's nice, dear.

• strong by Deadfred: Yammer.

• random acts of blue by Deadfred: Yammer yammer. Against my better judgement, I didn't quite kill the other writeup in the node.

• random acts of yellow by Deadfred: Yammer yammer yammer. I blame Douglas Adams for this kind of humorless drivel.

• Contradictions don't exist by Deadfred: Yammer yammer.

• implode by Deadfred: "Can ccur when stuff comes into contact with a thing, to create a gizmo." I grow weary of this . . .

• violent by Deadfred: "Not peaceful." Finally, something not entirely idiotic! Instead, it's minimal and redundant. Webster 1913's got it covered.

• Ceramics by Deadfred: "Ugly creations resembling dragons, castles, cottages, or shoes." So . . . The goal of E1 was to assemble a repository of all human knowledge, right?

• Obfuscated C Contests Exist Too by dh: Blah blah yammer yammer, he's pissed off because somebody has stupid reasons for disliking C++.

• Where do I come when I masturbate? by everyone: "Directly into a toilet?" When that node was created, I had an unpleasant feeling that it would turn into a getting-to-know-you node. It has, in a predictably repulsive way.

Somebody might want to take a second look at Deadfred and maybe wipe out what's left. He's down to four writeups now.

Ex-Users, Fully Denuded for Your Nuking Pleasure: Riber, Gordon

Nodes Killed

Fun with the Sims by revscat23. "Dude!" is not an acceptable writeup or response, even if the original writeup is cruel and malicious. It was at -12 - people, fix your nodes if they're at this level. There's probably a reason.
tied down and masturbated to orgasm repeatedly for an hour by fuzz, madjiik and OmegaRED. First was stupid, second was incredibly incoherent, and the third was a node made only for numbers (Hint: don't ask questions in a node unless you're willing to put something else in as well. Lack of content kills) In fact, a number of OmegaRED's writeups have read that way.
industries by deadfred. One line about how much industries suck. You, sir, are no Noam Chomsky. And it's plural, so eeww.
industrial strength glue by deadfred. One line, and claims it holds industries together. Cute, cute, don't do it *slap*. Guess I'm harsher than you, jp. I'd be okay with it if it had some other kind of content as well, but I'm just not pleased by oneliners.
hamster dance by yortt, mcteague, StormHunter, nibbles, Mars the Infomage. Some were stupid, some were pointless, and some were redundant. All were unnecessary, and all are gone.
cruel or unusual punishment by mcteague. No, it's not banned by the 8th Amendment - it's not like the govt gets a choice of one or the other. Try 'and'.
grail by yortt. Searched for in monty python. Oh, I'm sure that's the only importance across European history.
proud by yortt. Websters killed and ate it.
soya sauce by yortt. It's soy sauce.
street by yortt. Another victim of websters. Woundweavr was /msged.
big pantsed cheeba monkeys by slawz. Tried to fill in both singular and plural forms; thanks. I don't think we could figure that out ourselves. The content doesn't exactly make me weak at the knees either.
alternative lifestyle by yortt. Said it was not ordinary, but didn't exactly say what. Come on, e2's not quite the place to be subtle about such things.
slut by h3rcusl333z. Unlinked, one line. Yay.
katyana should write more nodes by kannamer. Consisted of "I've enjoyed her masturbation nodes. But, c'mon, let's see more output! GIVE US WHAT WE WANT! GIVE US WHAT WE NEED!" This node needs a pillow, gently held over its face until it stops flopping...
seether by kato. A "See also" insult.
Pirate Jim by kato. Slagging on someone we'll never know.

Gods - Nodeshells to Delete

industries - taken care of
big pantsed cheeba monkeys - taken care of
soya sauce - taken care of
katyana should write more nodes - still begging for removal

Gods - Titles to Edit

buzz bombs. Singular good, plural bad.

To drop the blade. To write the last chapter in the book without ending. To guide into the Next Realm that which is not fit for ours. I do not pass harsh judgement, but rather solemnly escort between worlds. I hold the torch high and reach out to the trembling hands.

"Right this way, sir."

• Firewall by Xzqv: "Firewalls are evil things. Like Oldsmobiles."
• utterly boring by escher. (Too self-referential)
• ILby slim. (Ever get the feeling a pun just isn't working?)

The crowd roars. I pick up the bucket and bring it inside, being careful not to look down into it.