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Yes, the tachyon, that small theoretical particle which is supposed to travel faster than light itself. If only we could capture it and put it to use! Why? Well let me show you a glimpse of the future and the wonderful possibilities...

Because of the theoretical results of exceeding light-speed, ie travelling backwards through time, scientists realise many tasks could be completed before they were even begun. This would result in us then not bothering to begin the task at all as it has already been completed. Then, of course, it never gets started, so it could never have been completed, so we have to do it anyway, thus facilitating its completion in the past, which is what happened in the first place.

Although this is not what you might label a wonderful possibility, the point is that you would get the task done in a negative quantity of time. Therefore, the more tachyon-assisted work you do in a day, the more time you'll have free afterwards. Beware though, the more work you do the more tired you'll be and will require more time to rest, hence you work more to create more time... and so on. This is not good.

To solve this problem, the tachyon body-suit is created, enabling the wearer's actions to take place faster than light and several minutes earlier than they started. Even resting now propels the wearer helplessly backwards through time. However, this results in everyone constantly going through time backwards, so all the original problems exist, only time is going the wrong way and subliminal messages in music no longer work.

Tachyon body-suits are subsequently banned in the year 30 BC which is where we had got to by the time we realised it was a bad idea. Scientists, in a bid to save future humanity, proceed to erase all tachyon technology from all records and history and mankind started again from 30 BC without it, and it has taken us this long for a genius like me (ahem...) to think of it again. Thus mankind is caught in an endless loop, bouncing back and forth in time like some cosmic ping pong ball.

When will we learn? And, perhaps more importantly, what am I talking about? Ironically it seems I have too much time on my hands.

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