Worry not. We have the horizontal--and the vertical!--well under control. We have your mindset readied, with predictable props and outlandish gimcracks in hand. The fine things upon which you dine, the improbable chances you take (feeling bold, yes?), your fine-fangled newness and optimism...we have scheduled that all before you even thought of it. Poor person, thinking your mind was your own. Why do you suppose we sent you to school?

You are a product of our times--all your hours bought up by advertising conglomerates before you were born. You are a product of our ceaseless politicism. Fret not! Your cause will have its day, just as soon as we're finished with this thing here.

To you all: we know what you want, and we are desperately trying to serve it to you. Why do you resist still? Can't you take a yoke?

Love,

That which means much to you

Everything Is Under Control is the name of a nonfiction by Robert Anton Wilson. It's essentially an encyclopaedia of conspiracy theories, with some New Age philosophy thrown in for good measure. A highly entertaining read, Wilson includes just about every well-known conspiracy theory and many you've probably never heard of. Some are too kooky to be seriously considered, but maybe that's what THEY want you to think. (see: the secret government men that REALLY control it all)

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