2018 May 1

15 minutes: If ever there was a time to begin

It would be tonight. Scratch that. Not tonight.

"Right now," I thought.

But for all practical purposes, I didn't think I could do much without waiting at least a bit.

"I spend too much time planning and not enough time doing," I thought.

And as a result life went on without me. This was not where I wanted to be, waiting on shore watching the boats go by, rather than taking off myself.

But inertia had always held me back. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. On the other hand, I couldn't stay in the frying pan forever. That was no life, not the one I wanted anyway. Yes, I would have to jump, and jump soon. But I would have to overcome fear's bodyguard, disguised as procrastination.

"Maybe that's why I still haven't started yet," I thought.

Even waiting for tonight would be too long if I were truly serious about making a difference, rather than just dipping a toe in and then quickly pulling back.

"Maybe I don't really want to leave the frying pan that much at all," I thought. If I really did want to leave, wouldn't I already have left?

Perhaps this was just a mild preference that I was blowing out of proportion. Perhaps my fear of change could only be overcome by something much more motivating and my circumstances at the moment weren't particularly motivating enough.

The remote control was on the coffee table, just out of reach, but I didn't hate the current program enough to change the channel. Perhaps I expected the other channels weren't much better. But there was only one way to find out. Or so I thought.

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