Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "Fun fact: when I went in and was told I had a 1.8cm herniation sticking into my nerves, the second thing the doc asked me was if I shat myself lately, and if I did, then we needed to do surgery RIGHT THEN."

• When I was little my mother told me not to sit close to the T.V., so when I was six I did.
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
• He was there, and then he wasn't, and with him went those memories
• The rock under my foot that told me I was real when I was an adult
• So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
• I stared into the muddled sky with tears running down my face in small rivers, and I knew then that there was no hope
• He tells me that I could have his heart and I want to take it right then, slip it into my pocket and run
• I said I was sorry. Then she looked at me.
• I was wrong as a child, to think old people were stupid for asking me where the day had gone. Now I understand... we older people do not live.
• I was throwing around useless proverbs when all she needed was to be held and told that she was beautiful
• The Firestone dealership was full to the brim with cars. But I reasoned I would need a boat, since my desire was to go to Ireland. Just then a harsh reminder surfaced; water is expensive in hell.
• that pain was something I needed, and probably did to myself
• Death was a part of me then, too.
• I Was Looking at the Ceiling And Then I Saw the Sky
• where was your heart when we needed it most?
• You knew I was a rattlesnake when you picked me up
• Somebody told me a story. It was pretty but boring. It was Saturday night, my stories usually end up that way.
• It was all awesome. Then the robots took over.
• This was then, and now I can't even find your grave
• She might not need me. But then again she might.
• when you asked what I was writing, this is what it was
• I did not need it. I was strong. I was steady. I knew what I was doing.
• It was the right thing to do.
• I don't think I realized what I had gotten myself into, but it seemed like the potential for fun and insanity were there in equal parts
• And then night was here, after a day of measured breathing, and I could forget about breathing because the waiting was done
• I remember when it was me who made her toilet flush
• man when you are telling me how it was
• When again between cities was comfortable and right
• When someone was willing to drown with me, I really didn't want to drown anymore
• it was true then
• Do you remember how small your body was when you were five?
• What I would do If I knew what was good for me
• I washed dishes with the Chinese FBI then was an extra in a cursed movie
• There was a time when I got lost wherever I went.
• When scientists make mistakes they see what they did wrong and then try again.
• When I was young Time had no wings
• That Was Then, This is Now
• So then I tried staring into the abyss, but it got distracted by a weasel and ditched me
• I remember when it was me who made her skin flush
• I remember when it was me who made you want to take over the world and enslave humanity
• I got the feeling the Fairy Council was mad at me when the president knocked over her coffee to get a better grip on my neck
• the cutest baker in the room was making sadfaces at me when i walked out
• The cactus that told me my mom was asleep
• everyone who ever told me i was pretty was lying.
• I didn't ask if the glass was half full or half empty. I've always had enough to drink.
• And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep?
• The one thing I wanted more than anything was for someone, just once, to tell me they don't know what they'd do without me
• bringing me back to when less was worth more
• can it be that it was all so simple then
• This is the time. The time was now. And now is then. This was the time.
• His collection of substances that should not exist was stolen. The thieves then killed themselves 1000 times over.
• Why I politely asked the contemporary lit major I was dating to stop writing me love letters
• If it was still then-
• He comforted me when he thought I needed it, but never when I really did
• Then again, maybe he was recruiting for a cult
• She bought a new smile every week when we first started seeing each other. Then I had to buy them.
• I tiptoe back into myself so I can run from what I was
• I don't remember what life was like when I was seven. I like the taste of air. What should I do?
• you want me here? well, then ask me to stay.
• I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
• The real horror was not what had been redacted, but the reasons why.
• I was a homeless bum
• She was an intellectual prostitute, seducing me with profound truisms
• War is only fun on screen
• Boy, I was sure lucky to be born into the one true faith!
• and then, one morning, I realised I had been an adult for a while
• I was me before being me was cool.
• This node was made for you and me
• If all you did was node, your writeups wouldn't be very interesting, would they?
• if I had known then what I know now
• Stuff was started stuff had ends
• the magic that was meant to capture the outlaw instead transformed him into a monster
• This is me, I said, and then I talked for hours
• The phone rings, and then you look at me
• It wasn't so much a trip down memory lane as it was me carjacking someone's memorymobile and speeding off down the freeway, but I digress.
• If skepticism is arrogant, then slap my arse and call me Arrogant Sally.
• I was pretty sure that wasn't how slasher films were supposed to end, but you won't see me complaining.
• David Bowie freaked me out and then some
• Seems I might have stolen the blue part of her rainbow, but all I really did was make it bigger, a way bigger blue
• but you had his eyes and that was sort of almost enough
• If I had the nerve, I would ask you
• How Gudrun cast herself into the Sea, but was brought ashore again
• I was once young and had a home
• Launch me into space, and I'll never need to come back
• She asked me to copy my poem into her notebook
• In a dream I had, I was on an island in the middle of the ocean.
• She was watching me and I didn’t know it.
• If I was the ocean, what would you be to me?
• If my mom doesn't let me play the violin because it's gay then ...
• Even I laughed at me when I built this cross-species genetic analyzer. Well I guess I showed myself!
• What time do you call this, then?
• he taught me to fly then took away my sky
• Just standing there, wearing my boxers, in my driveway. I was watching the stormfront. You were watching me.
• I was put on hold for time to gnaw me raw.
• Don't do that then!
• What would aliens think of us if Everything was all they had?
• the dead had risen, and there was nobody to pump gas
• If you meet the Buddha on the road, ask him how far it is to the next gas station. *Then* kill him.
• What did my spleen ever do for me?
• I was a bitter, purple-haired fat girl, and I had plenty of male friends
• did i really change the way you think about everything? was it the chemicals in your brain?
• The girls had gone wild and now my dad's cock was missing
• She was the prettiest, loveliest cat at the ball and she had upon her fine gilded whiskers.
• If you had any balls, you'd say 'Oh, my God, what is that thing?' then scream and cut your mic.
• All you ever did was let it happen
• You've Asked Me When I Came to Town
• A dose of mystery slipped into her cocktail while she was in the ladies' room
• I turned Quizro into a Quiet Riot CD, and all I got was this jar of lemon-flavoured pickles.
• An ocean away and here he was, seeping into her
• When did my fiance turn into my security blanket?!
• Would you tell me if it was true?
• You kissed me. It was sweet and timid.
• I'm gonna be sad and then I want you to make me laugh
• Before you, there was me
• I Was Lost and You Found Me
• I need these blue and black halos for comfort, to remind me where I am, who I am, when I am
• I'd ask, sure, I'd ask. But then, then you could say no.
• I was raised on red pepper and blood. I am so hot if you strike me I will light like a match.
• There was no one waiting for me...
• I was not made for love songs, and love songs will never be made for me.
• You touched me when I needed to be touched, and for that I will hold you in my heart forever
• Since then, all I do
• Please eat the last bite of my cookie for me, then?
• she looked at me then whispered, we are all made of stardust
• When I asked Anna to marry me
• And then they came for me, but the bridge would not ignite.
• Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
• Laughter reaction to acting abusively
• Okay, okay, I confess! It was me! I broke the internet!
• The Box Said 'Do NOT Open" But The Seal Was Already Broken
• Mr. Lunch liked to chase birds. In fact, he was a professional.
• Grammatical and syntactic puzzles
• I was a young boy that had big plans
• She was most amazed by the obvious, like January and the fact that I could not possibly keep her.
• Xanax was, indeed, fun.
• I felt a disturbance in the fun, as if a million playgrounds cried out, and then
• Everything Hitler did was legal
• She was thinking of a boy in California who had a couch and a job
• In the end it did not matter. The ocean was still there.
• Was I nearly as anti-consumerism as I had initially thought?
• You should have killed me when you had the chance
• I had never known someone whose death was imminent
• Everything Stalin did was legal
• I was the worst lay you ever had
• Was that real, or did I dream it?
• I did not miss what my body did not remember, until it was reminded
• I had to call my father this evening and tell him I was dying.
• And then wings sprouted from the space between my shoulders where my wings had once been
• But if life were only moments, then you'd never know you had one
• She had become a mutton for punishment and he was a wolf
• When did you decide to forget every wrong you had done?
• You had to pretend success was fucked
• It was a dark and stormy night. I had taken a creative writing class.
• He had fallen in love, but I'm pretty sure the hellhound was only in it for the belly rubs
• I was into them after they were hip
• She was feminine in the most displaced sense I had ever seen, a known quality refracted through stained glass windows.
• (because this was always subconsciously the inspiration, even if I did not know it at the time, and I only realised it just now)
• We did not know it was a war
• And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.
• If you're not sure whether or not you've been had, then you've already been had.
• I can often think myself right into the nuthouse
• I was once smaller than a jellybean, but now look at me - I am macroscopic!
• except that church was Episcopal with an ongoing history of bursting into flames
• I should ask my barber where he gets his hair cut, then go there and slowly make my way up the chain
• life is about falling into a hole, and then climbing out of the hole
• ask me that again and look into my eyes
• You asked me to leave. So I did.
• It was men who made breasts into a secret.
• She didn't write like Emily Dickinson, but she did live in a house overlooking a cemetery, and I guess he thought that was important.
• She was the cutest necromancer I ever did see
• he touched me then, but I forgot to feel
• Trail your finger through the air, and then tell me you can't feel it
• I was discovered by scientists, what will they call me?
• Do you hear when I ask you those tough questions?
• The train that came to me in the dream was already a dead train
• She kissed me gently, just once, then walked away crying
• Oh, no. Look, you've gone and made me optimistic. I was before, but now it is showing.
• I Hear it was Charged Against Me

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