This actually occurred last Saturday, but I didn't have the proper conclusion to the sad tale until last night.

It all began with a friend of mine buying a new contraption for his car horn. This nifty device comes with a keyboard attachment preprogrammed with dozens of little ditties- movie theme songs, jingles, etc. Naturally, we felt inclined to drive about the town in the wee hours of the morning firing off our new toy at anyone unlucky enough to cross our path.

Eventually we wound up pulling into Burger King for a late night grease fest. Upon entering the establishment we were promptly surrounded by at least 40 frighteningly similar teenage boys with the obligatory gaggle of females lurking as far from their presence as possible. Two of these ruffians were throwing food related objects at each other and voicing obnoxiously loud threats of physical punishment. We assumed a small corner from which it would be possible to quietly amuse ourselves at their expense while staying away from the center of any ensuing combat. After a decent amount of time had gone by the frustrated employees took action, and kicked the offending humans out of the store. Soon enough we decided that the time had come to leave for greener pastures. Entering the parking lot once again we were greeted with the sight of several scowling creatures lurking around the car. A few muttered words later we were safely inside waiting for the machine to warm up. To amuse ourselves we then proceeded to make loud, inhuman noises whilst hurling invective slander upon the sea of teenage scum surrounding the vehicle. These merry vocalizations were interrupted by the sound of a fist pounding upon my window.

"Yo, roll down your window punk." I obliged. "You weren't throwing shit inside there now were you?"

"Not at all. We were merely lounging in a corner laughing at your foolishness."

Before he could respond I rolled the window up in his face. The boy, now rather angry, ran up to the front right door and started hollering accusations questioning my friend's sexual preferences as well as his involvement in the fight. He merely let out a demure giggle and waved back at the intruder. At this time my friend who was driving decided that it was time for us to leave so he thrust the car into reverse, sounded the "charge" ditty so often heard at sporting events on the horn, and sped through the crowd. Our escape was only slightly hindered by the incessant pounding of small fists upon the car. We made it back home with only a slight dent to show for our evening of misadventure.

Epilogue: I found out yesterday from my driving friend that the fellows we had encountered last Saturday were members of a local gang. Apparently one of the people present at the Burger King recognized my friend and cornered his brother at school. The gang leader was organizing a group of fifty or so kids to come down to my friend's house and "teach him a lesson". Freely parading his own invincibilty my friend quickly found out the name, address, and phone number of the leader of the gang. Fifteen minutes laer he was on the phone. Apparently we ran over two pairs of feet, took out another gang member's legs, and injured the fool who pounded on the car. Using his rather impressive powers of schmooze my friend convinced the gang leader of our innocence in the matter- citing the damage done to the car and our pacifistic stance inside the restaurant as evidence in our favor. The gang leader soon conceded to our lack of responsibility and we were home free. As an added bonus to the whole event my friend was able to find out the name of the kid who caused the damage to his car and has requested his first favor of the gang leader who is now in his service- to "take care" of the offending member.

Poetic justice.

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