When I dream, people I actually know are often replaced by actors. In one particular dream, the one that inspired this node, my best friend Bob was replaced by that posterchild for gingivitis, Gary Busey. We had just robbed a bank, and were getting away in an eggshell Caddy, an old one, like in Dirty Harry. We were going about 60 mph on the 5 freeway, getting passed by traffic left and right.

Bob (the real Bob) was driving, my friend J.T. was in the passenger seat, with a pump-action shotgun, firing out the window, and I was in the back, counting the money. Suddenly I notice we're being chased by patrol cars, and when I turn back around, Bob's been replaced by Gary frikkin' Busey! J.T.'s still J.T., and I still recognize Bob as Bob, but his familiar midget-lookin'-self has been absconded, leaving a 40-something PWT has-been piloting our getaway vehicle! At this point the dream just ended.

I woke up, wrote all this shiznit down, and began to ponder like I'd never pondered before. What did it mean? Was that Lethal Weapon/Bulletproof/Under Siege marathon really such a good idea? The gummy-smile-of-death just wouldn't get out of my head! I mean, damn, that guys got more gum than Garry Shandling and Arsenio Hall combined! So anyway, ever since then, I've had these Gary Busey cameos in about every third dream I can remember. Lukily he stays out of the blue dreams, but he's ironically prevalent in those nightmares when I'm being chased by something. Like, for example, I'll be running from the Terminator or something, and I'll jump out of a second-floor bathroom window and land in the middle of a suburban street, only to see Gary Busey standing under a street light or something, staring at me.

It's fuckin' scary, I tell you! Some people are afraid of spiders. Others are afraid of birds. Some people can't stand the sight of silverware. Me? I get to be the guy who's afraid of Gary Busey. God's laughing his omnipotent ass off right now, thinking of where Gary Busey should appear next in my nightly adventures.

Oh please, oh please, oh please, not the dream where I have the ray gun that makes chicks mad-horny. I really like that one.

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